Questions By Casper XXVIII

Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper XXVIII
August 9, 2020
DougMaynard.com

Over in the world of Twitter, I found a man that likes to ask questions. And I do mean a lot of them. His name is Tyler “The Ghost” Casper and he’s at @tyler_casper. A good guy that you should go check out. Now, as I was saying, he likes to ask questions. I like to answer them and it provides content for the site. So here we are. Every few days, I go down his feed and copy the inquiries he’s asked. And then it’s here for the answers. It’s insightful, thought-provoking, and hopefully entertaining for you, the reader, as well. So let’s can the chit chat and let’s do this. Are you ready? And away we go…

Do you act your age?

Di I act how the other people of my age act? I doubt it because I act as is appropriate for me, Dougie, regardless of whatever my age may be. It’s just a number after all.

Do you look your age?

Hell no. I see people my same age (and younger) and they look old as hell. I don’t look that old and am now and forever a sexy beast.

Do you feel your age?

Sometimes, I feel as if I’m a teenager again. Other times, I feel like I’m ready to be put in the home. And most of the time, it’s somewhere in between. I’m not feeling my age. I’m just feeling my life.

Have you ever knowingly or unknowingly used someone else’s toothbrush? (Could you taste a difference?)

I have and it was no big deal. If you’ve had sex with a person, using their toothbrush is nothing to think twice about. I’m sure the toothbrush is more sanitary than the booty. And I couldn’t taste a difference.

Will you take the #COVID19 vaccination willingly, or refuse to get vaccinated?

I do nothing willingly unless I’m drunk or in love. Oops. Wrong type of question. So far as a vaccination goes, I’d have to wait and see.

What is your favorite type of footwear?

 I like socks.

What is your favorite holiday?

The best night of the year, Halloween. Where we can all be a kid again and get away with it. Plus I like dress-up and candy.

What’s your favorite rock?

Nothing against Dwayne Johnson or Flyboy Rocco Rock, but I will always be a fan of the original “Rock”, Ole Anderson.

What is your favorite casserole?

Tater Tot casserole. Meats and cheese and stuffing topped by tater tots. Damn, that stuff is good. I need to make one… soon.

What is your favorite hot dish?

I like casseroles and scalloped potatoes. Would baked beans count? Then, they get the nod.

How many fruits can you think of that grow on trees?

Apples, pears, coconuts (are those fruits?), bananas, peaches, and oranges. Those are the only ones I can think of right now.

Do you think bell-bottoms should make a comeback?

No. Some things should stay in the past and bell-bottoms are one of those things. Although, now with two Crow Boots on my feet, maybe they wouldn’t be so bad. No, forget I said that. Leave them be.

How do you feel about bell-bottoms?

I answered that in the last questions. They’re not my thing.

What vegetable do you think would be the best to take with you to a deserted island that you were going to be stranded on for 5 years?

Damn, I don’t know. Gilligan and the others survived on coconuts and bananas, but hopefully, those would already be growing on the island. Would potatoes count? I guess that would be my answer.

Have your ever jazzercised?

*looks down at belly and starts to sob* – No, I haven’t. Richard Simmons always annoyed me.

Have you ever turned the other cheek?

Only when Daddy was spanking me really good and I wanted more. And to be serious, far more often than I probably should have.

Do you take life too seriously?

When it needs to be taken that way, I do. Otherwise, not so much.

Do you turn off the water when you brush your teeth?

I pay that damn water bill each month and it’s my water. Let it flow and I dare anyone to say anything.

Do you believe in alien abductions?

Yeah, I went out to a club one time with these three Mexican guys (illegal) when I lived in Wilmington. Francisco forced me to go so technically, I was abducted. And then, they tried to give me a probe. It was a great night.  

If you had to appear in a talent show in one week, what talent would you be presenting?

My greatest talents are far more suited for private audiences so I don’t think demonstrating as part of a talent show would be appropriate. I’d probably just go for it and sing. If serious (and slightly intoxicated), I can do a couple of songs fairly decently. So break out the Sinatra and Dr. Hook songs. Dougie would be hitting the high notes and singing the blues. 

If you were a salad, what kind would you be?

Tossed.

If you were soup, what kind would you be?

Chunky and full of meat. I need to go on a diet.  

Do you like soup?

I do, but it depends more on my mood than anything else.  

What is your favorite thing to have with soup?

A bowl and a spoon. It makes it easier to eat. And I like crackers. Lots and lots of crackers.

What is one animal you’ve had as a pet that you’ll never have again?

A dog. It’s not that I don’t love dogs (I do), but they require care that I’m not as capable of giving now that I once was. I can’t do the walks. I would rather do without than not be able to take care of the dog in the best manner possible.  

What is the grossest name for a dish of food?

Kumquats. ‘Nuff said!

What is the funniest name for a small dog?

“Killer” comes to mind. Or “Big Cat”. If you named your dog “Big Cat”, that bitch Carole Baskin would probably get mad and sue you. Did you know that she killed her husband? Well, now you do.

What is the funniest name for a large dog?

Pee Wee. 

Have you ever had a pool party?

No, but I’ve been to a couple of them back in the day. Dozens of drunk young-people and a big pool full of water. What could go wrong?

What are your feelings towards humidity?

It’s hot and I don’t like it.

Do you watch the weather channel?

Bill Cosby once called The Weather Channel “MTV for old people!”. No, I don’t watch. I have an app on my phone for weather reports. I’m not that freakin’ old… yet.

When the autopsy of our great republic is released what will be the primary cause of death?

Libtardism. Symptoms include hypocrisy, intolerance, narcissism, lack of common sense, and an overall nasty, demeaning disposition. Found in most Democrats and Snowflakes.  

Have you ever had a “safe word”?

Yeah, I think it was “get the fuck off of me or I’ll punch you in the face!”. Maybe not the word we agreed upon, but it worked.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions to ask, feel free, and drop me a line. My thanks to Casper for the great questions and for allowing me to use the feed from his Twitter to get them. Go follow the man. He’s cool! I’m on Twitter too at @Doug28352. Until the next time, stay safe and watch out for the crazies out there. Be good!

Ubuntu!

@00002

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