Thirty Days Of Dougie III – Day 3: Smiles & Make-Up…
November 23, 2013

It’s amazing how in just a matter of hours, or sometimes even minutes, your whole life can abruptly change. Yesterday (Friday), I was scheduled to work at my store from 12 noon to 8pm. And then I was supposed to be opening up today and tomorrow. But then I get that phone call. They want me to come in thirty-minutes early. That’s kind of weird, but whatever.

I go to work and there’s a crowd so I clock in and immediately start waiting on customers. I notice almost immediately that everyone is acting a bit odd and there are none of my usual “hey Dougie” or “hello Douglas” greetings. It’s like they’re afraid to speak to me and I’m wondering what’s up, but quickly push it to the back of my head and ring up some customers and fix a fish plate for another.

Then it happens. My manager and supervisor call me into the office and shut the door. This is never a good sign. They’ve had a complaint on me and want to inquire about a few other things. Why did this person purchase this item? Why were the employees standing around and talking? And most importantly, what about the complaint from a certain customer. I explained about why the employee paid for her purchases when she did, but they weren’t buying that. They didn’t care to hear about how people do have conversation and talk sometimes. In their view, since I’m a member of management, I should stay on the people all the time and they should be always doing something. I guess the manager and supervisor have forgotten about all the times that they stood in the office, talkng and playing around in the past, while others (me) would be working the front alone and waiting on customers. It used to be a fairly regular thing, but I guess that’s not important now.

And then it comes to that certain customer. According to them, I shouldn’t have responded to her slurs, insults and comments. Just take it and tell her to leave the store. But I admit it. I took the bait and my temper took over and I cussed her out. And she went to the office to complain and now we come to where we are now.

I’m in the office, feeling extremely closed in and the two of them are hovering over me, becoming louder and louder and more pointed in their comments about how I was living up to my duties as a “member of management” and how “management needs to step up” and “doesn’t do these things”. Damn, I only became a “member of their management team” because it was what was best for the store at the time rather than bringing another outsider into the group dynamic and also because that’s the only way to make more than minimum wage working for that company. No matter how long you work for them or how hard you work or how good a job you do, unless you become a member of the management team, you WILL NOT get raises or make more than minimum wage. Simple fact.

So the situation went downhill from there. As they got louder, so did I because that’s just a natural reaction. Things got very tense for a moment, but I managed to pull back and bite my tongue (a lot). And they asked for my keys. I lay them on the desk and clocked out and left walking.

So long Taterville. It’s been an experience.

And now, I’m not sure what to do or where to go next. I’ve got the bills covered for this month and paid and I’m pretty sure how I can cover next month’s bills. No perks, extra spending or anything else – bare bones survival, but I’ve got it covered. And after that?

I’m ready to just give it up and say screw it all. I won’t because I’ve got a very special and amazing man that I love and who loves me to think about and also because of an amazing two year old who I spent a great deal of time with last night. I can’t feel bad or sad when hanging out and cutting the fool with Kayden. He’s a remarkable kid and is going to grow up to be a remarkable young man one day and I’m definitely wanting to be here for that. So even though I’m depressed and hurting and as down and lost as I’ve ever been, I’m going to find a solution and find a job and pull myself back together and be okay. I have to because that’s what I do and how I roll. ‘Nuff said!

Let’s go to the magic box and find two topics and get this over with for today, shall we? The two items I’ve pulled out are “Smiles” and “Make-up”.

Smiles – the expression worn to show glee, joy, happiness and affection. I’ve kind of lost mine at the moment because aside from the man I love (who I still can’t be with for at least 8 more months) is not here and I’ve realized just how fragile the life I had built for myself actually was and that I’m all alone. I have friends and people I care for, but they can’t pay my bills and are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to help in any other way. Doesn’t matter though. I started off alone and I remain alone when and where it matters most. This smile on my face… it’s fake. It’s not real. And neither is most of the things and situations we call “life” or “reality”.

As for make-up, it can be worn to disguise the appearance and make a person look more attractive or just different from their usual look. Make-up can also be used as a term to describe the reunion of two or more people when, after a dispute or argument or whatever, they decide to put the past behind them and resume their relationship or friendship or whatever. “Kiss and make up” is a popular term. It’s an important part of life and living. If a person lives just to hold grudges or be angry all the time, that’s not living – that’s just an existence. There are people I really care for. There are people who have lied to me, used me, hurt me and cost me dearly. But I don’t stay angry or hate them. If they’re important to me, and the good is more than the bad where they’re concerned, I’ll forgive, I’ll forget… we make up.

And with that, I’m ending this. I don’t feel like writing right now. I just want to go somewhere, curl up into a fetal position and cry for a while.

Ubuntu!