Tossing Salt RAW Recap
June 10, 2014
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been able to watch a full episode of RAW (or find the time to do any serious writing), but tonight, that all changes. It’s the Tossing Salt “Rambling As I Watch The Show” RAW recap. It’s not just your Mom and Dad’s recap of the longest prime time weekly episodic television series. I’ll recap the show as it goes along, but anything… and I do mean ANYTHING goes. I’m Doug (and you’re not!). Let’s do this…
Starting with the Authority. That means lots of talking. They’re in Minnesota. I wonder if Baron Von Raschke is anywhere in the building. Dat’ is all de’ people need to know! I liked the Baron. I think black is Stephanie’s favorite color. She is almost always wearing it.
Steph is gloating and she plays the “bitch-heel” so well. They have the doctor on video tape. I would rather see Dr. Stevie come out. “I’ll show you! “You’ll see!” They’ve stripped Bryan of the WWE World Championship. NO! NO! NO! (but I actually agree with them – go figure!) I like Steph’s slight little digs at Brie. Brie versus Steph has to happen at some point.
The title is up for grabs at the Money In The Bank ladder match. People will qualify for the match. Del Rio and Randy Orton are already in. I want to see Sting… and The Miz… and The Disco Inferno. Yes, I’m still hoping! And then they move on to The Shield. Adapt or Perish. Seth Rollins adapted and we’re seeing video from last week where he laid the proverbial smackdown on partners Reigns and Ambrose. Reminds me of when Double A turned on Dustin Rhodes. Good memories. Go find it on The Network. HHH makes a match. It’s Ambrose and Reigns versus The Wyatt Family in a six-man tag match. The Shield has to find a third man to be their partner. Okay, blah, blah, blah. I’m getting bored and restless now. HHH has talked too long – time for some action. It’s Sheamus versus Barrett next to quality for the MITB match. Should be good, but I was hoping for Hurricane Helms and Mr. T. Mr. T loves his mama. But the U.S. Champion and the Intercontinental Champion? That’ll work too.
I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you. It took six months, but the BNB character is really catching on with the fans. Barrett is a heel, but the fans love to play sing-a-long with Barrett. Sheamus needs to turn heel because he’s boring as a face. He’s become a generic jar of mayo. Just saying. I love the thing that Barrett does with the cape / cloak. He reminds me of “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters. I wish Chris was back in the WWE. He will be eventually, but I just hope it’s sooner rather than later. Carlito too.
I like the way these two work stiff and lay the punches in. Barrett especially, but Sheamus too would have been really good back in the old-school territory days. They have that look and style that would have gone over really well back then. Barrett versus Blackjack Mulligan for example… mat classic magic.
Barrett tried an elbow off the second rope. Randy Savage is watching and shaking his head in shame. That did NOT look good. Stick with the brawling fellas. Big guys like these should not be leaving the mat very often and trying the flying stuff. Even though Larry Zbyszko would disagree, stick with the power moves and the clotheslines. Sheamus kicked out of “Wasteland”? Damn! Why does reversing the elbow pad make it more dangerous and effective for Barrett? I guess we’ll never know. Sheamus with the Brogue Kick from nowhere to get the win. A good match that had Sheamus snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Well done, Mr. Mayo. Well done!
The Wyatts are here and they talk about urges. I know all about urges. They talk about The Shield. Bray says that he’s “reborn” and the Shield will “burn” for their urges. He didn’t sing tonight. I’m a sad panda now. Good to see Harper talking sometimes now. He’s going to be a big break-out star. The next Bruiser Brody, in a modern day, PC, 2014 version of course. The man has skills. Rowan too, but he hasn’t been featured or given the chance quite as often. Bray will be big. Harper will be big. Rowan will be big. It’s just a matter of when and where and against who. Hey WWE, they’re here!
It’s Lana.I wish it was Nanitchka. She’s got Stacy Keibler legs. I love these Putin versus Obama comparisons. I just wonder if her comments towards our “leader”, calling him a “girly-man”, are not just Vince and Linda McMahon’s (both confirmed Republicans) way of taking shots at Obama? Hmmmmm. Lana gets all political and the 1980’s call. They want their gimmick back. This would be a great angle for Nikolai Volkoff or even Ivan Koloff to make a cameo shot. Rusev is big, but the gimmick is just too gimmicky for me. Just saying.
Woo Woo Woo! You know it! It’s a Zack Ryder appearance. I’m happy! Too bad he’s going to get squashed! He didn’t even get an introduction. My, how the mighty have fallen. Zack didn’t even get a single… okay, he got a few punches and some knees in as offense. And then, just like that, it’s over. That just sucks! Doesn’t matter though. We still love ya, Zack. Woo Woo Woo – you know it! Where is Lex Luger and the “American Express” when you need them.
Michael Cole is talking to Seth Rollins later tonight. And the Network – it’s then, now and forever… just like lovin’ from Sunny. That stuff NEVER goes away. (I’m joking – don’t sue me!) I wonder is she’s adopted any babies or had any altercations in a parking lot lately? We’ve got Rybaxel in the house and they’re taking on Goldust and R-Truth. What’s up! Cody is picking partners for his brother and watching from the back. How about Barry Windham or Arn Anderson as Goldy’s partner? They worked so well together in the past. I think Booker T might be available. Now can you dig that, SUCKA!
Maybe it’s just me, but they (Rybaxel and Goldust) seem to be moving in second or third gear tonight. Rybaxel wins and the match never even seemed to get moving or go anywhere. We have Layla in the back. She’s talking junk. It’s Summer Rae time and she give Layla a “make-over” and a thrashing of sorts. I’m not going to say what the final image of Layla reminds me of, but if you look at any cheezy XXX movie involving multiple men and one woman, I think you’ve seen that image before. Disgusting!! Poor Layla. I guess she’s the new Vickie. EXCUSE ME!
It’s time for 3MB and they’re talking. Well, not for long. Here comes The Shield, or at least 2/3 of them. Reigns and Ambrose are coming down and they’re not happy. 3MB attack. Where is Hornswoggle. Ambrose is on fire and Drew even looked good for a second. Didn’t last long though. Heath is the smart one – never thought I’d be saying that. Reigns with a spear. Thank you for coming, Heath. First it was ass-whooping and now it’s promo time. Ambrose talks about how the Shield dominated and was untouchable, but they had a cancer named Seth Rollins. Ambrose gets graphic in his description of what he wants to do to Rollins. Seth is watching in the back and doesn’t look impressed. Reigns looks as if he enjoyed Ambrose’s promo a bit. Nice smile. I just realized that Seth is wearing a suit. I guess that’s part of the adapt routine. Reigns is coming after Triple H and they’re going to have their own game of “Thrones”. Okay, nice cultural reference there. Good promo by The Shield. Ambrose still reminds me of a younger Roddy Piper. Later tonight, Seth talks and The Shield fights The Wyatt Family.
Legends’ House – the season finale is this week. I have to admit it. I’m hooked and I hope that the next few seasons are just as good. But get rid of Ashley. Use a woman wrestler / Diva legend instead. I say Ivory, but I’d settle for Lita, Molly, Jazz, Madusa, Jacqueline, etc. too…
Here come the Usos. I think they need to have a dance-off against Too Cool. They’re against Fandango and his partner. Layla looks rough and she’s not really in a dancing mood. I wonder why? Heh! Heh! And check out Damien Sandow with his crazy dancing routine. He’s doing this way too well. He’s going to be doing this again… and again… and again. I can see Ron Simmons now. “DAMN!”. Did JBL really do a Rikki Starr reference? Cool Beans! Sandow is the next Santino… poor guy! “Let’s go Sandow” chant. I love these crowds! The Usos win the match, but Sandow stole the show. Layla checks on Fandango outside the ring. Forget what I said earlier. I want a dance-off with Too Cool taking on Fandango and Sandow. With Ernest Miller, Alex Wright and Rico as the judges. Disco Inferno as the MC and Three Count as themselves… just because.
Popeye’s Fried Chicken is the new 1-800-Dial-ATT of 2014 wrestling programs. It’s Xavier Woods taking on Bo Dallas. I guess Woods will learn to “Bo-lieve!” Hard to believe that he and Bray Wyatt are brothers. I’ve also heard that his daddy has connections with the IRS and that his grandpa was a bad-ass cowboy. Bo tells Daniel Bryan that he can come back stronger than ever… if he just “Bo-lieves!” You know what would make a great tag team? Bo and Ted DiBiase Jr. It just seems like a natural combination. I hate to say it (no, I don’t), but Woods sucks! Bo Dallas wins. Bo-lieve in the Bo! I wonder how Bo would look with a black cowboy hat and a black glove on his hand? RVD versus Cesaro is coming up in a qualifying match for the MITB. I think I’ll go for the Paul Heyman guy. I like swingers.
Just a quick thought here. They need to have two Money-In-The-Bank matches. One to determine the new WWE World Champion and one to be more traditional and give someone that contract where they can cash in at any time over the next year. Two matches with two big winners. Of course, that would take the top ten – fourteen guys out of the running for matches and the rest of the card would have to be filled up with undercard talent and people who don’t usually get PPV matches or TV time. What a shame that would be… NOT! Give them a chance to show that they’re still here and to attempt to steal the show. I think it would prove to be even a better show that way and an event to be remembered, better than the average pay-per-view. These guys are on the payroll and are “WWE Superstars”. Let them show the world why. Just saying. Now, back to the show.
It’s Paul Heyman. Did you know that his client, Brock Lesnar, broke the Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania XXX? I love it when he does this. Paul puts over Brock big time. Is this foreshadowing? Paul teases a Brock return and time for a Wrestlemania Victory party. Great swerve as he builds up Brock and introduces Cesaro. Paul Heyman is de’ man! It’s Cesaro versus RVD for a shot at MITB. I like this match, but they’ve done it far too many times recently. Should have switched it up with the match earlier and had RVD versus Sheamus and Barrett versus Cesaro. That would be more interesting to me and doesn’t Barrett owe Cesaro and Heyman a reciept for walking out on him a few weeks ago? Just saying… I love how Cesaro just seems to pull those forearm uppercuts from out of nowhere. This guy is going to be a big time star for a long, long time. Cesaro with the win. He’s moving on. So if it comes down to Cesaro or Brock at the MITB ladder match – who will Heyman choose?
Randy Orton is tweeting. He’s on vacation. Nice pic of Randy laying out in the sun. He’s an ass, but damn if he ain’t a sexy man! HHH predicts the end of The Shield after the handicap match against The Wyatts tonight. Reigns called Rollins scum and Ambrose was fired up as well. Seth Rollins is talking to Michael Cole next. I guess “Piper’s Pit” wasn’t available. Or “The Cutting Edge”. Or “The Peep Show”. Or “Miz TV”. How about “A Flair For The Gold”. Ric got approved by the doctors and he’ll be back soon. Wooooooooooo! And thus, Michael Cole as the interviewer it is. Where oh where is Mean Gene when you need him?
Michael Cole talks to Seth Rollins. Seth is in a suit. So long identity and hello Mr. Cookie Cutter Generic Authority Dude. Seth says there is no controversy. Last week wasn’t a big deal. He was doing what was best for his business. He created The Shield and he put them together. He calls Ambrose a lunatic. Reigns is the “golden boy”, but without someone to control his fires, he’s worthless. Rollins takes credit for all of The Shield’s success. Rollins says that he took The Shield to the top. They beat Evolution and he learned something. To be a success, you have to evolve and adapt and that’s what he did. The fans say he “sold out”, but he says he’s “bought in” to the evolution of Seth Rollins. In his eyes, the Shield wasn’t brothers, but instead business partners. He just severed the business relationship. He said “Believe in The Shield”, but he means “believe in Seth Rollins”. Rollins says that he heard what Ambrose said earlier and calls out The Shield. Here comes Ambrose and Reigns. And The Wyatts are in the ring. Harper and Rowan go after Reigns and Ambrose. Bray is here too. It’s a Wyatt riot! And here comes John Cena for the save. The Wyatts flee and I guess Cena is going to be The Shield’s partner tonight. Bleh to that! Makes sense, but I’d rather have seen someone else.. anyone else. How about Diamond Dallas Page? It worked for WCW in 1997… lol.
And look. It’s Paige. She’s so short. I miss AJ Lee. Paige reminds me of Daphney. Alicia Fox is here and she has Aksana with her. Are they a new team? Alicia is really and truly a fox! Alicia is a screamer. Imagine that. I wonder if CM Punk knows? I’ll bet he does. I’m getting bored here. This match is going too longI’d love to see Kharma come storm the ring and trash everyone. Or Lisa Marie Varon, aka Victoria. That’s what the WWE Divas Division needs. They need Victoria. Paige wins with the submission move and Alicia taps. I’m glad that’s over with. So will Alicia throw a tantrum? Aksana checks out her partner and helps “revive” her. And Alicia is up and here we go. Slap-happy and an Aksana beatdown. She steals water and popcorn from a fan and pours it all over Aksana. FOOD FIGHT! Alicia force-feeds some popcorn to Aksana and then smiles that crazy-chick smile. That’s just strange.
Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter didn’t even get an intro. That’s just wrong. And Santino, who I’m sure is illegal, does. What the… ? WE THE PEOPLE! A Funaki reference. Go JBL! Yay! This match shouldn’t take long. Zeb is slapping some sense into Swagger and now I guess it’s time for Santino to pay. Yep, I was right. Swagger killed the cobra! Short and sweet, just as it should be. WE THE PEOPLE! Is this show over yet? So far, it’s been okay, but it’s starting to drag. Three hours is a long, long time.
Goldust is in the back and feeling bad. It’s Cody and he’s got some ideas for a new partner. Cody drops all sorts of hints and I’m thinking Ted DiBiase, who just happened to be Cody’s former partner in Legacy. Or Chris Masters. Who would work better with a star the magnitude of Goldust than a “Masterpiece”. Those are my guesses. HHH and Steph are in the back. Steph is getting peeved at John Cena. It’s Vickie Guerrero and she’s got some champagne. She’s kissing up because there is no more Brad Maddox or Daniel Bryan. She sneezes and spills champagne. Steph tells her to “get out!”.
It’s main event time. Six-man tag action as Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and John Cena take on The Wyatt Family. Kevin Hart will be on RAW as the “guest star” next week. WHO? Never heard of him. I guess Hugh Jackman is busy. So is Kermit the Frog. I hate to see John Cena involved as the superman coming to the rescue of Reigns and Ambrose, but since it’s against the Wyatt Family and Cena has been feuding with Bray, it makes sense. I don’t have to like it though. You know who would make a great replacement for Seth Rollins in The Shield? John Morrison. Just a thought to throw out there. I’d love to see Reigns and Ambrose give Cena a big time beatdown after the match. It won’t happen, but one can still hope.
Looks like there are a lot of Wyatt Family fans in Minneapolis, but then again, they (along with a few hundred dead people) elected Al Franken as their Senator so what do they know? Follow the Buzzards! It’s OINGO BOINGO from the very beginning. Ambrose is on fire and looking really good here. I could watch The Shield and The Wyatt Family go all day long. What I said earlier about this show being too long. I take that back. Luke Harper has the best facial expressions in wrestling today. You know what would be a great match? Ambrose versus Chris Jericho. WWE needs to make it happen at some point. Bray versus Cesaro would be cool too. There are too many commercials. Where my wrestling at?
We’re back from commercial and has Cena even been in the ring yet aside from the beginnng? I guess they’re protecting him and his eye injury suffered over the weekend, but what’s the point in having a Super-Cena partner if he doesn’t wrestle. He’ll tag in for the “five moves” soon enough. Chants of “Lets Go Cena / Cena sucks!” And now he tags in for the five moves. That ends and we get the Wyatt beat-down. Cena with a “Shades of Ricky Morton” baby-face in peril routine. Bray makes the audience sing for a moment and then it’s back to business. My phone rings too damn much! Doesn’t look like I missed anything of the match though. Damn, Bray is playing rough with Cena. Bray works stiff. I like it! Time for the hot tag to Reigns and it’s SHIELD time. Believe in The Shield… even if it is only 2/3 of them. It’s chaotic OINGO BOINGO time again. Reigns with the spear on Harper for the win. Not too shabby, but they lost me at the end. HHH and Rollins are watching in the back. Cena raises the hands of Reigns and Ambrose and that’s a wrap.
And so it is for me as well. This is the first episode of RAW I’ve managed to watch in several weeks and even though it dragged at a few points, the overall show was pretty decent. Time now to go do my bill-paying job and check in at H&L Sweepstakes, the place I manage and that takes most of my time. Thanks for reading and I’ll be back in a few days with that Wrestling Fact or Fiction thing… and maybe more. We’ll see.
I’m Doug and I’m out of here. Big shout out to BD Productions and their award winning, must-see BDtv – find it on YouTube. Catch you on the flip-side, my peeps. I’m down and I’m gone.