12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 6: Hear ‘N Aid & Love…

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 6
Hear ‘N Aid & Love
December 14, 2017
DougMaynard.com

And here we are on Day 7 of the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas blog series and of course, I’m running a day behind and this is Day 6. Funny how that works out sometimes. But before it’s all said and done, I’ll get caught up and back on track (maybe). And if not, well it will still be complete and finished well before Christmas Day actually gets here. So what’s on the agenda for today and what are the topics of discussion. Let’s find the “Magic Bag” and find out. We have “Love” & “Hear ‘N Aid”m two very different topics to be sure. I think we’ll just leave this at two topics today. Let’s do this…

Hear ‘N Aid…

This was a one-time super group of metal and hard rock artists put together in 1985 by rocker Ronnie James Dio to help raise money for famine relief in Africa, much like USA For Africa and Band-Aid did before them. Actually, according to Wikipeida, the whole idea came about when it was noted that USA for Africa and Band-Aid and the other efforts lacked a metal or hard rock presence and Dio and friends decided to rectify that with a group of their own. The single released was called, “Stars” and peaked at # 26 on the UK Singles Chart in April, 1986. Artists who appeared for this effort included: Ted Nugent, Yngwie Malmsteen, Tommy Aldridge and members of Dio, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Quiet Riot, Dokken, Mötley Crüe, Twisted Sister, Queensrÿche, Blue Öyster Cult, Vanilla Fudge, Y&T, Rough Cutt, Giuffria, Journey, W.A.S.P. and Night Ranger as well as the parody band Spinal Tap. Lead vocals were shared between Ronnie James Dio, Rob Halford, Kevin DuBrow, Eric Bloom, Geoff Tate, Dave Meniketti, Don Dokken and Paul Shortino. Vivian Campbell, Carlos Cavazo, Buck Dharma, Brad Gillis, Craig Goldy, George Lynch, Yngwie Malmsteen, Eddie Ojeda, and Neal Schon all added guitar solos. A video of the sessions and lots of outtakes was also recorded and released alongside the album “Stars” and over a million dollars was raised.

Here is the video for the single, “Stars”…

 

And next, we have “Love”.

“What is love?”, you ask. It’s the warmth a person feels towards another person, where they value and respect that other person and put the other person and their needs before their own. It’s caring and understanding and good will towards each other. It’s sacrifice and patience and being the best you can be for the sake of others as well as yourself. So many ways to describe the feeling and power that is love. Love is what makes the world go round.

And it’s also a drink. A mixed beverage to be specific and since I work in a liquor store, that’s what I’ll go with here. This is a sweet, made for sharing cocktail that was popular in the 1920’s. Here is the recipe, designed for two people.

Love…

Six tablespoons of Sloe Gin
1 1/2 tablespoon of Lemon Juice
1 egg white
1 teaspoon of grenadine

Take all the ingredients and shake well, mixing together with ice.

Strain into 2 cocktail glasses.

Garnish each with a pair of cherries.

And there you go… that’s love.

And with that, I’m through for today. I still have to do breakfast, shaving, and finish getting ready for work. Oh vey! I don’t want to work today. Back tonight or tomorrow with Day 7. Have a great one and be safe. Love you… mean it!

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 3

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 5: Neighbors, Leaders versus Boss & Elf On A Shelf…

12 (Dougie) days of Christmas – Day 5
Neighbors, Leaders versus Boss and Elf On A Shelf
December 13, 2017
DougMaynard.com

Yes, I am still running a day behind. At this rate, doing the twelve days of Christmas, Dougie style, should only take about a month or so. I am getting so slack. I need better time management skills. Well, that or less things to do. But I have no one to blame but myself and I’m committed (or should be). Let’s go find the so-called Magic Bag’s and figure out the topics of the day. In the original song, it would be “five golden rings”. Well, we don’t have any golden rings here unless they’re onion rings from Burger King, which would be good right now for breakfast. I have coupons. But what we do have is (drum roll please), the topics of “Neighbors”, “Leaders versus Boss” and for the Christmas spirited one, we have “Elf On A Shelf”. Yeah, that last one might be fun. So without any further waiting, it’s the “12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 5”. Let’s do this…

Neighbors…

We all have them unless we’re rich and fortunate enough to live on a private island or in the middle of a forest in a tree house. And there are good ones, bad ones, ones you never see and ones that you wish you’d never see. And being here living in the same house for thirty-six years, I’ve had some doozy of neighbors come and go. We had the crazy one that lived across the road for a while. Good people, but mix in a little alcohol and things would get a little wild and crazy. We had the family that always had the police being called and for a period, our neighborhood always had patrol cars coming and going. We’ve had people who became as close as family. We’ve had people that if you see them coming, you go inside or duck away. We’ve got people who watch your house when you’re gone and people that the others watch so they don’t break into your house when you’re gone. (Those guys live up in the circle.) And right now, we have the best batch of all, who are wonderful, awesome pleasant and just damn good people. It took a while to weed out the bad seeds in the batch and get the ideal neighbors and friends, but we got ’em now. We are truly blessed.

Leader versus Boss…

I won’t even try to be original here. I saw this meme come up many years ago, during I believe the Kersey versus Jones Sheriff Race here in Scotland County back in 2014 and it was so true. I forget the actual quote and don’t feel like looking it up (I’m being slack again), but the gist was this. A leader leads by example, is part of the group and won’t ask anyone to do something that they won’t, shares the credit and accepts the blame and uses “we” instead of “I” or “Me”. A boss gives orders, but not the direction to follow said orders, is quick to criticize and shift the blame while taking the credit for the good stuff, prefers “I” to “Us” and bullies instead of inspires. You get the idea. So be a leader and not a boss. A leader makes the whole group stronger. A boss will eventually destroy it all.

This reminds me of someone I’ve been dealing with as of late in a management role at a local business. Since he took over, people have been quitting right and left and the mood and moral has dropped considerably. This man is a “boss” in that he doesn’t offer suggestions, he gives orders. He’s been telling the people, most of who have been there for many years, that they don’t do their jobs correctly and not in a polite or understanding manner. Just bluntness and outright disdain or so it appears to me. He’s a smart man in some ways, but dealing with people and having tact are not his strong points. His manner… oh vey! And this is something that I shouldn’t even be taking about. Not my job luckily and I don’t have to deal with this place but on a limited basis. My boss-man is good. He falls into the “leader” category. I’ve had some “bosses” in the past, but that’s where they are and where they’ll stay. I survived and learned what to and more importantly, what NOT to do from them and now, I’m past all that. Thank goodness.

And this has turned into a rambling mess. Let’s move on.

Elf On A Shelf…

This is where small elves come and stay with families that have small children during the holidays. The elves attach themselves to a child (not literally) and observe the child each day and then, at night, once the child is asleep, fly back to the North Pole to tell Santa what they’ve observed and if the kid has been good or bad each day. And each day, they change positions and move about the house, observing all. And they can not be touched by human hands when in their dormant state during the day or they’ll lose their powers and won’t be able to make their reports to Santa.

Dormant during the day. Only come alive at night. Are we talking about an elf or a vampire here? Actually, they’re pretty cool to helping to keep the kids, at least the young ones who still believe, in line and on good behavior. Then the kids get older and instead of Elf on A Shelf, the parents have to evolve and move on to “belt on a butt”. I prefer the Elf thingy.

It’s such a simple concept and idea that has quickly become a tradition for so many families and so many children over the years. We’ve always been told that “Santa Claus is watching you”, especially by singer Ray Stevens, and now, we have proof. Small snitches dressed in red and they see us when we’re sleeping, or awake, or in the shower, or having sex. What the hell? Bunch of perverted little peeping toms. Oh wait, they’re just watching the kids. Us adults are safe. Or are we? Something to think about, right?

But the Elf thing is cool. Didn’t I already say that? And I approve.

And that’s all for Day 5. Yes, this is lame but I haven’t had breakfast or a shower yet and I’m only operating at about 35% capacity. I should have stayed in bed. And now, I’m going to go do all I need to do and get ready for work in a little while. And then I go do the Food Bank. And then I go chill with the fam and watch NXT tonight on the USA Network. And then it’s here for Day 6. And I’m already tired. It’s going to be a long day.

Thanks for reading. Thoughts and comments are welcome and appreciated. Tell your friends about the site. I need more readers. And until the next time, have a great Holiday season and Merry Christmas. Love you – mean it.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 4

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 4: Beef Jerky, Swamp Monsters and A Christmas Story…

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 4
Beef Jerky, Swamp Monsters and A Christmas Story…
December 12, 2017
DougMaynard.com

How you doing? It’s Day 4 and yes, I know that this was supposed to go up yesterday, but guess what? It just didn’t happen. Yesterday was a long and very busy day, going from 5:30am until just a little past 11:00pm when I fell asleep on the couch and sitting down and relaxing (and writing) just didn’t happen. My apologies. So that means today, we get two Days of Dougie, Christmas style. Yay! Are you excited? I know I am. Well, actually, I’m more ready to go back to bed than actually excited or enthusiastic about anything, but I know that if I do give in to the urge, nothing (and the Rock says, “Nothing!”) will be accomplished today. I just had a flashback to the Attitude Era of the WWE. Good times. Let’s figure out what the topics for today are and get this over with, shall we?

From the “Magic Bag”, the Christmas themed one, we have, “Write A Christmas Story!”. Oh vey! That doesn’t sound like the quick and easy piece I was hoping for. I guess “quick and easy” is the guy I was talking to on MeetMe a couple of nights ago. Very sexy! But I can do this. It’ll probably be lame as hell, but I have to do what the “Magic Bag” tells me. That’s the whole nature to this blog series and the “Days of Dougie” concept. And should I draw another topic from the real “Magic Bag”? Of course I should and that topic is, “Swamp Monster”. Okay then. Not sure how that is going to work so let’s draw one more and hope for a winner. And we have “Beef Jerky”. Yeah, that’s a keeper too.

I think I mentioned that the fun about this whole thing is the randomness of the topics and how I don’t know what I’m writing about until I actually get ready to start writing. And sometimes, we get something good and it’s fun and entertaining for me and other times, it’s more of a challenge and probably will stink to hig heaven. Guess where I think this piece will be going? Oh well… I’ve always appreciated a good challenge and to keep this from stinking worse than Daniel Otunga or Booker T on commentary (mandatory wrestling reference), it’s going to be a doozy. Can someone just shoot me now? Let’s do this…

Beef Jerky…

I love Slim Jims. Does that even qualify as “beef jerky”? I’d rather not read the actual ingredients and find out because I do actually like the product and would rather not know exactly what it is that they’re composed of. I’m sure that there is beef in there somewhere. And pork, chicken, cat, possum, squirrel and lots of crazy chemicals that keep it all fresh and tasty. And would Slim Jims even truly count as a form of beef jerky or would that just be the stuff in the packs that never seem to go on sale when I have that craving and the whole bag vanishes far too quickly when I want just “one piece”. I guess they’re all one and the same or at least close enough that it really doesn’t matter. They’re in the same section at the grocery store so that counts for something, right?

By the way, disclaimer time here just in case any legal minds are reading this and represent the Slim Jim company. I don’t actually think that there is cat, squirrel or possum meat in their products. That’s just a joke so don’t sue me. We all know that the only place to find good cat, squirrel or possum is at the Chinese restaurant on the buffet table next to the fried rice and egg rolls. But damn, it is so good. I would love me some Sweet & Sour Chicken (wink, wink) right now. What’s that meowing sound?

And I can’t really think of anything worth saying about beef jerky that I haven’t already touched upon. Yeah, I’m slacking here. I do that sometimes. Oh yeah, I just remembered something. Way back when I was with Dairy Mart, we had a sales rep come around trying to sell us a variety of different meat sticks (insert sexual joke here) and that was pretty cool. It was jerky made of buffalo, alligator and something else. I tried them and they were actually pretty good. And I’ve also tried, in the past, jerky made of deer meat. It’s okay, but every time I think of deer, I want to scream out, “Oh my God, you killed Bambi!”. And then someone else can add, “You bastard!”. It’s great fun and the producers of South Park really like it when you do that. The people at Disney don’t, but they’re controlled by an evil mouse so who cares.

So what was I saying? Jerky is good and I like it, but I prefer real beef stuff and not the other animals that should be in animated movies or National Geographic series and not in a plastic wrapper getting eaten. I want a Slim Jim. Snap into it. And now, let’s move on.

Swamp Monster…

Does anyone else even remember the “Lizard Man” from South Carolina back in the late 80’s? Whatever happened with all of that. For those of you that don’t remember or know of what I’m talking about, I’ll try and explain. Better yet, I’ll post the Wikipedia entry for the so-called creature. Here you go…

“The Lizard Man is generally described as being 7 feet (2.1 m) tall, bipedal, and bulky, covered in dark green scaly lizard-like skin. It is said to have three toes on each foot and three fingers on each hand. The creature has an incredible degree of strength, more than capable of ripping into a car. A few witnesses have reported seeing a tail, although in the majority of cases, a tail was not seen.

Davis sighting.

The first reported sighting of the creature was made by Christopher Davis, a 17-year-old local, who said he encountered the creature while driving home from work at 2 a.m. on June 29, 1988. According to his account, Davis stopped on a road bordering Scape Ore Swamp in order to change a tire which had blown out. When he was finishing up he reported having heard a thumping noise from behind him and having turned around to see the creature running towards him.

Davis said the creature tried to grab at the car and then jumped on its roof as he tried to escape, clinging on to it as Davis swerved from side to side in an effort to throw it off. After he returned home, Davis’ side-view-mirror was found to be badly damaged, and scratch marks were found on the car’s roof, though there was no other physical evidence of his encounter.

“I looked back and saw something running across the field towards me. It was about 25 yards away and I saw red eyes glowing. I ran into the car and as I locked it, the thing grabbed the door handle. I could see him from the neck down – the three big fingers, long black nails and green rough skin. It was strong and angry. I looked in my mirror and saw a blur of green running. I could see his toes and then he jumped on the roof of my car. I thought I heard a grunt and then I could see his fingers through the front windshield, where they curled around on the roof. I sped up and swerved to shake the creature off.”
Chris’ father, prompted by a story that ran in the newspaper of a strange car mauling, brought his terrified son to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office on July 16, 1988, at which time he told his story to Sheriff Liston Truesdale.

Strange car mauling

Prior to Chris Davis coming forward to report his encounter, the Lee County Sheriff’s Office was called to the scene of a strange instance of vehicle damage. On the morning of July 14, 1988, deputies made their way to the residence, which was located in a small rural community known as Browntown on the outskirts of Bishopville, South Carolina. When they arrived, homeowners Tom and Mary Waye showed them the vehicle in question. Police found that the chrome molding had been torn away from the fenders, the sides of the car were scratched and dented, the hood ornament was broken, the antenna was bent, and even some wires from the motor had been ripped out. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that parts of the molding had actually been chewed, as if an animal had used its teeth to inflict the damage. To further support the animal theory, the Wayes pointed out clumps of reddish colored hair and muddy footprints that had been left all over the car. While Sheriff Truesdale was investigating the car, locals informed him there might yet be another, more bizarre possibility. “While we were there looking over this situation, we learned that people in the Browntown community had been seeing a strange creature about seven feet tall with red eyes,” Truesdale said. “Some of them described it as green, but some of them as brown. They thought it might be responsible for what happened [to the car].”

In the month that followed the Davis sighting there were several further reports of a large lizardlike creature, and of unusual scratches and bite marks found on cars parked close to the swamp. Most of these are said to have occurred within a 3-mile (5 km) radius of the swamps of Bishopville.[8]

At the time, local law enforcement officials reacted to reports of the Lizard Man with a mixture of concern and skepticism, stating that a sufficient number of sightings had been made by apparently reliable people for them to believe that something tangible was being seen, but also that it was more likely to be a bear than a Lizard Man.

Two weeks after the Davis sighting, the sheriff’s department made several plaster casts of what appeared to be three-toed footprints – measuring some 14 inches (36 cm) in length – but decided against sending them on to the FBI for further analysis after biologists advised them that they were unclassifiable. According to South Carolina Marine Resources Department spokesperson Johnny Evans the tracks neither matched, nor could be mistaken for, the footprints of any recorded animal. Evans also dismissed the possibility that they could have been made by some form of mutated creature.

The sightings attracted tourists interested in seeing the creature and hunters interested in tracking it, and nearby radio station WCOS offered a $1 million reward to anybody who could capture the creature alive. However, reports of the creature began to decline at the end of the summer with the last credible sighting of the year being reported in July.

On August 5 Kenneth Orr, an airman stationed at Shaw Air Force Base, filed a report with the police saying that he had encountered the Lizard Man on highway 15, and that he had shot and wounded it. He presented several scales and a small quantity of blood as evidence. Orr recanted this account two days later when he was arraigned for unlawfully carrying a pistol, and the misdemeanor offense of filing a false police report. According to Orr, he had invented the sighting in order to keep stories about the Lizard Man in circulation.

On July 30, 1990, Bertha Blythers and her five children witnessed a strange creature near Scape Ore Swamp as they drove home from a restaurant in Bishopville. At approximately 10:30 p.m., they crossed over the interstate and were nearing the intersection of Hickory Hill Road when suddenly a large figure appeared out of nowhere and lunged toward the passenger side of the car. In a statement given to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Bertha described the creature as being tall, wide, and having “two arms like a human.” She could only see it from the waist up, but there was no question that it was “big.” She was not able to make out any clear facial details in the short time it was in front of her, but she was quite sure the body was covered in brown hair. “I never seen anything like it before,” she told the police. “It wasn’t a deer or a bear. It was definitely not a person either.”

So it was all real and supposedly true. I remember this being big news and people were really scared and upset and talking about this all over the place. John Boy & Billy, on their syndicated radio program, “The Big Show”, had a great time with the story and I even remember t-shirts being made. It was so weird and different and became a great urban legend for Bishopville, SC and for South Carolina in general. Go read the entire Wikipedia article, listed under “Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp”. Or just google it, “Lizard Man of South Carolina”. It’s some fun reading.

And that was not where I planned to go with that topic, but I guess I’ll save the stories about the noises from out behind Jim & LeeAnn’s house and the adventures with Rabbit, the Scotland County Sheriff’s office and all of that for a later time. Let’s wrap this booger up.

A Christmas Story…

I woke up. “Damn, it’s too early”, I thought to myself as I staggered from my bed to the bathroom. Then I looked at the clock. “I hate Monday!” And then I realized, “I’m off today! It’s a holiday and we’re closed. It’s Christmas! I don’t have to get up!”. Smiling to myself, I went back to bed and pulled the covers up over my head and went back to sleep. And just as I was falling back asleep, the sounds of “No More Mister Nice Guy”, by Alice Cooper filled the room. My phone was going off. I turned and glared at the phone, all lit up and screaming at me. I reached over and picked it up. A text message from my brother. Slowly, I pushed the right buttons and read the message that was preventing me from going back to sleep. “Merry Christmas my brother! Love you!”, it said. I read the message once more. And then the phone went off again. More sounds of Alice. Another message. “Come over!”, it said. I sighed once more and started to get up. I can sleep later. Time to go see my family. Time to spend Christmas chilling with the people who matter most to me. And that’s what I did. Merry Christmas Peeps!

And there you go. Yes, it was short and lame, but I’m just winging it here. I haven’t even had a shower yet or my first Pepsi so with that in mind, I think we’re doing pretty good.

And that’s all for now. I’ve still got Day 5 to do at some point today and I will. Other stuff is coming too. Thank you for reading. And now, I need a shower… and a Pepsi. And a good massage. I’m out of here. Until the next time, take care and be safe. Love you.

Ubuntu!

@00 1 1 12 Days 2

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 3: Grandma’s House, Jay & Silent Bob & The Perfect Present…

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 3
Grandma’s House, Jay & Silent Bob & The Perfect Present
December 10, 2017
DougMaynard.com

It’s Day 3 and it’s a lovely Sunday morning. I decided to sleep late and managed to stay in bed until almost 10:00. Yay for me since my usual waking up time is 9:00 am most days and on the days I open at the store, around 6:30 am. Of course, I don’t usually go to bed until around 2 – 2:30 am so it’s not as peachy as it sounds. I need more sleep. I also need better time management skills, to start walking again for exercise and a personal assistant, preferably a young, cute man with a great ass. On second thought, in today’s crazy world where everything is sexual harassment and vile, evil and disgusting, any assistant that I had would probably be calling Gloria Allred within a week and be holding a press conference. Truthfully, I’m glad I’m not rich and famous (thank you wrestling) because given my natural dirty mind and mouth and how I used to act sometimes back when I was drinking (blame it on the alcohol), it probably wouldn’t be a pretty picture. Yeah, your boy here was something of a perv back in the day. But I’m doing much better now and I totally behave myself 100% of the time. Unless you’re young and cute and we’re talking on social media or Instant messenger or in private or not so private, but I like your eyes or butt or whatever. And then, it’s on. Oh vey, I’m going to get sued one day.

By the way, all of the above, I’m joking… really. I am always the perfect gentleman with every guy I talk to or meet. Really, I am. Quit laughing. I think I should change the subject. Go Trump! Let’s move on.

So what’s on the agenda for today? Well, I think I’m going to get a bit nostalgic and write a little bit about my Grandma Vick and our trips, when I was a child, to her home up in South Point, Ohio. That’s one topic. And the others will be… Let’s reach into the “Magic Bag” and find out. We’ve got “Jay & Silent Bob” from regular bag and from the special “Christmas edition” bag, we’ve got “The Perfect Present”. Looks like we’ve got our topics for the day with “Grandma’s House”, “Jay & SIlent Bob” and the “Perfect Present”. Let’s do this…

The Perfect Present…

How do you select the right gift for someone, especially around Christmas or their birthday? It’s never easy to do. You look for something that you know that they’ll like or something practical that they can use and try to stay within your budget and no matter what you decide upon, it’s probably wrong. Buying for youngsters and kids is easy. They want toys or games for their Play Station and nothing else. Get a cool toy, add in a shirt or pants for practical purposes to prove that you’re still a responsible adult and not just a big kid yourself and you’re done. Then they get older and no matter what you decide that they might like, it’s wrong and while they may put on the fake smile and act all excited and happy, inside they’re going “what the hell?”. That’s when you just start giving cash or gift cards. They’re not as personal or as much fun and don’t require much thought, but they work every time. That way, the gift recipient can get what they want and use the money or card as they please. You did your part and they get to make the final call and be happy. And then, finally, you get the older person. I won’t mention her name (Mom), but they don’t want anything. They get offended if you give them money, yet whatever else you get isn’t what they want or need and they say thank you, but the gift is put away in a closet and only brought out again when they know you’ll be visiting. The best thing here is a card with money enclosed and take them out for dinner… or cook them dinner if they’re as anti-social as I… I mean “:you” are. They don’t want anything anyhow, but your time and patience and company. Is it really too much to give? So the perfect gift is just give yourself… you really can’t go wrong there.

Jay & Silent Bob…

Two characters, portrayed by Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, who are featured in most of Smith’s movies, the ones centered in the View Askew Universe, and they are something else. Kevin is “Silent Bob” and he’s, as his name implies, the quiet one. He only speaks when he has something to say, remaining most of the time the silent observer, chain smoking and watching in wide-eyed wonder as the world passes by and at the antics of his best friend and “hetero-life mate”, Jay. And Jay, he can and will do anything, has no censor between his brain and his mouth, is a human time bomb of utter craziness and beneath it all, has a heart of gold. Based on the real life friendship and relationship of Smith & Mewes, Jay & Silent Bob are the perfect combination. Bob is the voice of reason in a world of insanity and Jay is the loose cannon that says and does what Bob would like to do, but can’t or won’t. They are the ying to the yang, the Spock to the Kirk, the Robin to the Batman, the Willie to the Waylon, the Double-A to the Nature Boy, the HHH to the HBK, etc. I can go on and on with this, but the bottom line is that they are two bodies and one soul that doesn’t make sense and shouldn’t work, but still does. Everyone should have themselves a Jay or a Silent Bob in their lives, depending on which one they are.

And with that in mind, I’m lucky that I have exactly that, literally it seems. My BFF is Jay to a tee.He’s crazy, loud, outspoken, intelligent, a little bit bossy and likes to be in control. He’s also creative, borderline psychotic and has a heart the size of Chicago, although he tries to keep it hidden and act like he’s all tough and black-hearted most of the time. And then I’m the “Silent Bob” in that I’m (in public at least) the quiet one. I prefer to keep to the background and let my brother have the spotlight. I work best behind the scenes and thrive on my creative outlets. I’ve even got the Silent Bob belly going on and the self-depreciating style of dark humor. He compliments me and makes up for my shortcomings and I like to think that I’m able to do the same for him. People don’t quite get how our relationship works and sometimes I wonder about that myself, but it does and it’s a bond that few will ever know or enjoy. I’ve been blessed. I’m a real life “Silent Bob” and I have myself a real life “Jay” as my best friend. It’s a wild and crazy ride sometimes and not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it or him for nothing, just like Smith is with Mewes. ‘Nuff said!

And now…

Grandma’s House

Last night while at the Dollar General with my Mom (and that’s a story for another day… Lord help us!), I came across a can filled with “Washburn’s Old Fashioned Hard Candy”, and it triggered some memories of days gone by. More specifically, memories of those great times when I was a kid where we, my family and I, traveled to South Point, Ohio and visited my Grandma Vick. She always had a jar of that old fashioned candy sitting around and it was hard as a rock, all stuck together. I think having a jar of candy for the small kids is a requirement for being a Grandma. But I remember it so well, trying to break apart these candies that were all stuck together and had probably been there for years. I remember throwing wood into the fireplace that always seemed to be blazing and I remember so many little knick-knacks and small items that were on display everywhere. It was so old-fashioned there and so cool and Grandma always seemed to be in the kitchen trying to feed us or else sitting in her chair in the living room just watching us, a smile on her face as if she was lost in memories. Thinking back, although I was too young to really understand it all at the time, she probably was. Grandma was up in years already when I was born and my Grandpa died in the early 70’s and she had lived a full life already by then, with nine children, a career as a general storekeeper and postmaster (think Cora Beth on The Waltons) and so much more and then, here are these grandkids running about all over the place. I’m sure we triggered a lot of memories for me. I just wish I had been old enough to understand and ask questions and talk to her then. It would have been a learning experience for sure.

It’s weird how I can still remember her house and every small detail, but can’t even remember some of the places I’ve lived at myself over the years or sometimes, even what I’m supposed to be doing at the time. Her house was the traditional old country style house and it was huge. Technically, it had only six rooms, but they were large and comfortable and just felt like home. You walk into the house, off the front porch and there is a small, but cozy living room with a fire burning in the fireplace, as I already mentioned. Immediately to your right as you entered was a room used as a bedroom. A strange place for a bedroom, but it had been used by my Grandpa’s mother, my great grandmother, when she was up in years and stayed with my grandparents. She couldn’t get around well and the two rooms upstairs were definitely out of the question so they fixed this room up for her bedroom and after she passed, they just kept it as an extra bedroom. Straight on through the living room, you entered the dining room and kitchen. I look back now and this was a very huge room. A big table that could hold 10 – 12 people and a standard kitchen with a small pantry off to the right that also led to a door that led outside to the back yard. That table was always full of plates of food where breakfast was served and whatever was left was covered up and served for lunch. That’s how it was done back then.

Go back to where you entered the kitchen from the living room and there was this room that Grandma used as her bedroom. Also, the only bathroom in the house was located in this area. So if you wanted to go to the bathroom at night or go upstairs to the other two rooms, you had to go through Grandma’s bedroom. She went to bed usually around 7:00 or so at night so there was as lot of tip-toeing and trying to be quiet. In the corner of Grandma’s bedroom was a door that when opened, led to a long set of steps that would take you upstairs. Two rooms, also used as bedrooms were here. Large rooms with old fashioned cubbards and huge closets that were actually long and narrow and tiny rooms all unto themselves. These were the rooms where I always liked to stay and would spend hours playing with my cousins and listening to the radio.

Outside of her house was all country. There was the old barn, full of treasures to be discovered and discarded items from the days when Grandma and Grandpa had their store. There was the small room where my Uncle Denver decided to put a pool table. We had the old chicken coop that my cousins and I cleaned out and made into a club-house. There was a garden of course and an old root cellar with a small room above it where one of Uncle’s would stay when they came to visit. There were three old barrels for burning trash and a steep yard on the side of the house where several huge rocks poked out of the ground. A small creek ran beside the house and across the creek, up on the hill, lived my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins, Clint and Cliff. Looking back, that whole area and time was paradise. How I would love to be able to go back now and relive those days, see that house again and the people.

Unfortunately, I can’t do that. Grandma passed away many years ago at the age of 104, I believe. My cousins and Aunt have moved away and I haven’t spoken to them in years and my Uncle who lived on the hill passed away a few years ago as well. I doubt that old house is still even there and I’m sure that things have changed a great deal since my childhood and the days we used to travel and visit. At least I’ve still got the memories. Rest in Peace, Grandma Vick. I love and miss you.

And that’s where this ends for today. Thanks for reading. Have a great one and I’ll see you folks later. Take care.

Ubuntu!

@00 1 1 hard candies meme

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 2: 5416 & Christmas Wishes…

12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 2
5416 & Christmas Wishes
December 10, 2017
DougMaynard.com

And we’re back again with Day 2 of my blog series, the “12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. It’s been one of those days and while I’ve managed to get a lot of things accomplished, my concentration is shot to hell and it’s been hard to stay focused enough to sit down and write. Maybe if SOMEONE would turn that damn TV down enough where I don’t have to wear earphones to keep my ears from hurting or even better, turn that damn thing off, it would be better. And as I wrote that, she came over and turned the television off. She’s going to bed and I’m (finally) going to have some peace and quiet. It’s a Christmas miracle. Hallelujah! And now, I can write and think and get something accomplished. Woo-hoo!

Oh yeah, I made vegetable soup today. Two pounds of hamburger, onions, potatoes, celery, peas, corn and carrots. The soup rocks! It’s damn good. And then I went to lay down for an hour or so. I came back and guess what? My Mom had decided to “help” and added a can of lima beans to my soup. I don’t like lima beans which is why I didn’t add then in the first place. The soup was awesome and she had to add something to it. I’m not happy about that. Next time, I’m not making soup again. If she wants soup, then she can make the soup anyway she wants to, but going behind my back and adding something to my soup that I purposely excluded, that’s just wrong. The soup is still good, but it was better my way. Just saying. Lima beans suck!

And now, let’s figure out what the topics are for today’s post. I’m going to write about my brief time as a store manager down in Wilmington and a few memories from there so “5416” is one of the topics. And from the “Magic Christmas Bag”, I’m drawing out a piece of paper and it says, “Five Christmas Wishes”. So that’s the other one. I usually do three topics, but time is short, I’m running late and I want to go finish up watching “The Punisher” on Netflix so it’s only two topics tonight. I think it’ll be good regardless. Let’s do this…

5416…

Store # 5416 was the store that I, for about a year or so, managed down in Wilmington, NC back in 1996 – 1997. Man, what a time that was. I have some great memories from that time and met some amazing people include the man with the plan, the power that is SMF CyberSpace (look it up on YouTube), Brent, who along with his then-roomie Russ, were my upstairs apartment neighbors. And my four ever-so-awesome employees, Steve, Marshall, Jamie and Bubba. It was a wild and crazy time where I wasn’t that great a manager for the store, but I grew and evolved and changed as a human in many ways.

To explain what kind of chaos and craziness was regular at the store (and Ray, if you’re reading this, stop now… please), I found something earlier today in an old notebook that we used at the store with gas pump readings and other notes to myself about work stuff. In the middle of it all was a “Top Ten List” that I had written way back in 97, probably not long before I was “fired” and then rehired back at the Laurinburg store a month or so later. Anyhow, this little list, which contains far more truths than I like to admit, tells you everything that you could possibly ever need to know about our store and those of us who worked there.

Top Ten Ways You Know You’re At Dairy Mart…

10. No matter what you buy, you need ID.
9. Fast and friendly service by 1 cashier, 5 friends, 1 drunk and a dog.
8. The people like you… they really like you.
7. If you’re a guy, Doug keeps hitting on you and saying, “Nice booty!”
6. If you’re a girl, Steve keeps hitting on you and saying, “Nice booty!”
5. Daily Gatorade barrel rides.
4. Home of the Effie & Leslie tag team from Forest Hills.
3. Words “Bro” and “Man” heard in every sentence spoken. (Mark talking only!)
2. More freaks than Ringling Brothers.
1. The best damn people to ever work a store anywhere.

That last part is especially true, especially Marshall and Steve. I miss them guys and would love to one day try and track them down again. It’s been twenty years and I’m expecting that they’ve both got families and kids and knowing Steve, he’s a regional supervisor for some company and doing well. And Marshall, he’s probably still in the Wilmington area and doing good too. I hope so. Awesome people.

Let me throw out a quick Marshall story and I’ll move on. This is Christmas related. One night, while down at the store to help Jamie, who was the employee scheduled to work that night, Marsh and myself decided to drink a little bit. Okay, we drank a lot. It was a few days before Christmas and not really as busy as we’d expected so while Jamie worked the register, Marshall and I did all the stocking and floor work and sat around in the stock room getting very intoxicated. And well, there’s a song that we both liked called “Merry Christmas From The Family” by Robert Earl Keen. We decided to sing that song and well, it got pretty loud and we didn’t care, in the back room of the store, singing at the top of our lungs, while customers wandered in and out of the store and Jamie conducted business as usual. And finally, Jamie came back and told us that “everyone had been listening to us sing”. So what did we do? Drank another shot and started singing some more. The customers of the Dairy Mart had live entertainment that night. Damn, we were blitzed. And then we ended up leaving, going to my apartment which was within walking distance of the store and drinking some more until the liquor ran out and we passed out. Then I had to go in at 5:30 am the next morning to open up. Oh vey! But now, every time I hear that song by Robert Earl Keen, and it’s one of my favorites, I think of that night and laugh and start singing along.

And now, let’s get a little more serious… maybe.

Five Christmas Wishes…

5. For all of my friends and associates who have pain in their lives, be it disease, heartbreak, addiction, money problems or whatever, to find some peace and relief from their problems and to be free from the stress and anxiety of whatever problems they face.

4. A full day of no cell phones and no computers – just people interacting as people and using their minds and imaginations rather than just being zombified by the machines.

3. A new computer (desktop style) so I can keep the magic coming for many more years to come.

2. A chance to “do lunch” with some of my extended family who I rarely get to see anymore, but miss so very much.

1. Lots of hugs by lots of sexy ass men… and the people in my life who are so damn awesome and totally rock. I have the best friends and associates in the world and though I don’t say it enough (usually I’m being an anti-social twit and trying to hide from everyone), ya’ll is the bee’s knees! ‘Nuff said!

And I think that’s all for today. This was Day 2 of my blog series. Day 3 will be sometime in the next 24 hours. Comments, thoughts and all feedback is welcome and appreciated. Love you – mean it. Have a great one and I’ll catch you later.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 5

12 Dougie Days Of Christmas – Day 1: Christmas Trees, The View and Baby Pigs…

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 1
Christmas Trees, The View & Baby Pigs
December 8, 2017
DougMaynard.com

Day One and I’m already running a day behind. Whatchu talking bout, Willis? I was going to start this new blog series, the “12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas yesterday, but just like that partridge in a pear tree, I was distracted and busy and deck the halls and all of that stuff and it just didn’t happen. Well, at least no one noticed. And we’re starting now… right now. It’s the 12 Days of Christmas, Dougie style and it begins here.

“So what is this all about?”, you ask. It’s simple. Each day, I shall reach into what I call the “Magic Bag” and pick randomly three scraps of paper with words and subject ideas written on them and then, that’s what I write about. No advance warning and it’s totally on the fly as to what the topic might be. And since this is December and I’m using a Christmas theme, I also, while at work yesterday, came up with about a hundred or so Christmas themed topics and put them in a different bag. I’ll draw at least one topic from here as well and it’ll be part of the mix to add the holiday flavor to my literary brew. This will either be great fun or a great disaster. It could be both, but we’ll see how it goes. Are you ready? And the topics for Day 1 are… The View, Baby Pigs and Christmas Trees. Oh vey! Well one subject will be fun and the others, I think I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Let’s do this…

Christmas Trees, The View and Baby Pigs…

I just finished watching the video for “Hard Candy Christmas” from the “Best Little Whorehouse In Texas” soundtrack by Dolly Parton and her girls, to try and put myself into the Christmas mood. I love that song and it makes the allergies act up every time. Nothing like a bunch of displaced ladies of the evening to get the emotions peaked and to get into the holiday spirit. Works every time. And now, on to our subjects. I’ll save the best one, the Christmas trees, for last. And the other two? Oh vey!

The View…

Over twenty five years ago, Barbara Walters had the idea for a show that had five women with different points of view and it was pretty decent and something new and original for the time. Faces have come and gone over the past two decades, but for the most part, the show was informative and semi-decent and Walters kept a tight hand on everyone to make sure that no one went too crazy or was too extreme. Then they brought in Rosie O’Donnell and things started to go south. And then here comes Whoopi Goldberg and it all went to shit. From a show with different points of view, it quickly became a platform for extreme liberalism, crazy thinking and a place where no opposing view or opinion is welcome. It’s Whoopi, the pure and utter insanity and stupidity of Joy Behar, who I am positive is suffering from extreme dementia and has totally lost her freakin’ mind since Trump was elected and three other nameless, token generic women who don’t matter. I can only imagine what Barbara Walters is thinking now about what her show, that she help to create and lead for so many years, has turned into. It’s just a waste of TV space and hate propaganda crammed into an hour of network television. I’m all for strong and creative women with different ideas and different points of view, but this show doesn’t have that anymore. It was good and entertaining once. Now, it’s a disgrace and should be canceled. Who said that? I said that! (Shout out to Robert D. Raiford… RIP). Let’s move on…

Baby Pigs…

What the hell do I know about baby pigs or pigs of any kind for that matter? How did this topic even become part of my “Magic Bag”? Was I watching a Muppet Babies marathon and enjoying the comedic skills of the mini Miss Piggy? Who knows? Actually, I do know why this topic is here. A neighbor of mine has a pet pot-bellied pig. The story here is kind of funny and I don’t think that Robert will mind me sharing it.

Robert had adopted a bunch of small kittens that someone had dropped off at his place of employment. They were too small to be away from their Mama and some lousy, cruel sorry piece of crap had just tossed them out on the side of the highway right by where my neighbor works. He saw the kittens, gathered them up and brought them home where he and his girlfriend took care of them, fed them, litter box trained them and played Daddy and Mommy to these feline orphans who had been tossed away like three-day trash. And then, as they got bigger, Robert and his lady decided that they needed to find these little guys and girls some homes. So Robert’s GF, who’s name I can not remember… sorry, took the kittens and went out and found what we all hope will be good homes for the little ones. End of story, right? Well, not really.

She left the house with the kittens and found them homes, but when she came back home, she had another small orphan in tow, a little pot-bellied pig. Hearing Robert telling this story, with the facial expressions and colorful language, is a sight to see and I can’t do it justice here, but it is hilarious. She got rid of four kittens and now they have a pig. The pig lives in the house, is litter box trained and Robert says is just like a small dog that follows his GF around constantly. And likes to get in their laps and snuggle. And the thought of an old country boy like Robert with a small pig curled up in his lap, it makes me laugh every time. They tell me that the pig has really become a part of their family and rides with the GF when she goes out. It’s just like a loyal puppy except for that it’s a pig. It’s pretty cool.

And finally…

Christmas Trees…

As soon as I saw this topic come up, two images quickly formed in my head. We’ve all had Christmas trees in our homes over the years and the memories of some stand out better than others and I’m no exception. I’ve been alive for 51 years and until maybe the past five years or so, I’ve always made sure to have a tree each year to help celebrate Christmas. I don’t do it anymore because my Mom lives here with me and she’s become a total scrooge about the whole Christmas idea. She spent several years “studying” with the Jehovah Witnesses and while they’re some nice people and I liked most of them that I met, their ideas on Christmas and holidays (and voting) are kind of whacked. They don’t do it. And Mom, who changed big time after the death of my brother many many years ago, seems to have embraced their feelings towards the holidays and Christmas. I could put up a tree, but she would piss and moan and grouch about it and I’d rather not hear it or argue about it so I don’t. I just go to be with my friends and enjoy the holidays with them instead before coming back here to the Grinch household.

But all of that is a story for another day. Right now, I want to talk about two trees that I had in my past, my younger and wilder days, when I lived on my own. Ther first one was a tree that my roomie at the time, Jack, and I had when I lived in my first apartment over at Briarwood Apartments, now known as Blue Farm Estates. We had this big old live tree that took up half the room. And it was awesome. But we didn’t have decorations, at least not the typical ones. We were two guys, both in our early 20’s, and all we did was drink, work, drink and occasionally party. Yes, it was a crazy time to be sure. And we had this big tree and it needed some decorations so we used beer cans. Natural Light cans to be specific. The blue and silver of the cans, mixed with the fake icicles and fake snow. There may have even been a string of clear lights on the tree, but I can’t remember for sure about that. Too many brain cells had been killed by all the beer, both during and since that time, but I think there were lights. Anyhow, a big live green Christmas tree with blue and silver cans, silver icicles and fake snow. It was incredible and awesome by any standards and for the two of us, it was pretty damn impressive. I wish we had taken pictures of it, but this was way before cell phones and all of that. We didn’t have a camera available and thus, the pictures only exist in our memories. But what a memory… and a tree it was. And what a roomie Jack was too. It was a crazy time and he drove me crazy back then, but looking back, I miss them days. And him. A helluva guy and a good friend. ‘Nuff said!

And the other tree that stands out most in my mind was my own version of the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree”, but for real and fixed up “Dougie Style!”. I was living on my own in a trailer over in Glen Acres and I wanted a Christmas tree. But I had no money and could barely buy food or beer so going out and buying a tree was definitely out of the question. So I did the next best thing and went to the wood and found a tree. Did I say a tree? It was actually just a big ass branch off a pine tree which looked like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree on steroids. I found it, cut it off the tree and with a lot of hard work and props to make it stand up, I had a tree (sort of). I added a few icicles and maybe ten ornaments and there you go, my own tree. It was so different and unique and I loved it. And my cat, Stinky, who was a kitten and had just come to live with me, the start of a loving 19 year cat – human relationship, loved it too. He loved to climb it, to the top and just sit there and stare at me while I sat and drank my adult beverages and made mixed tapes and audio letters for my bestest friend, Theresa. A good time and memories that bring smiles to my face. I didn’t have much then, but it was a good life and that tree was making something out of nothing at it’s best. Charlie Brown would be so proud.

Well, that’s about all of this for today. And guess what? Only two interruptions while I was writing. Well, Ma did ask me about a dozen questions and tried to talk to me several times, but when she realized I was ignoring her to concentrate on my writing, she gave up wandered off to a different part of the house. My phone has gone off twice, with a call from an unknown number and a text from my BFF / brother / heterosexual life mate. And then the phone started going off with calls from my sister Terri and some guy named Sam. It never fails when I try to write, no matter the time of day or night. I hate a damn phone.

And now, I’m calling it quits. This is the end of Day 1 with only 11 more to go. I hope everyone is doing well and thank you for taking the time to read this and supporting my site. Have a great one and I’ll see you tomorrow with another blog. I’ll probably be back later today with some other stuff too, but no promises.

Have a great one and just keep being too sweet. Merry Christmas and I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 1 12 Days 4

12 Dougie Days Of Christmas (Prologue)

@00 @ 1 1 a a meme

Tomorrow, it begins anew. It’s the “Twelve Dougie Days of Christmas”, exclusively here for your pleasure, at my site, DougMaynard.com. Are you excited? Are you ready? Are you wondering what the hell I’m talking about. Well, the answer should be yes for the first two questions and as for the last one, I’ll explain.

We already know what the twelve days of Christmas are, right? The whole song thing with ducks, geese, maids and five golden rings. Well, take that song and the whole Christmas spirit for which it embodies and mix it up with a recurring theme here at the site, the whole “(Insert number here) Days of Dougie” thing that I do occasionally, where I, for a certain period of time, write every day and it’s totally random. I draw the topics of discussion from a bag of scraps of paper I have called the “Magic Bag” and whatever comes out, that’s what I write out. No advance knowledge or warning – just here’s the topic and go. It’s always a challenge, usually entertaining and makes for a great writing exercise. That’s what we will be doing here, but with a bit of a Christmas theme and twist. It’s my Christmas present to you since I’m too cheap to spring for cards or anything else. And it’s a present to myself as well since it gives me an opportunity to cut loose and just see what happens. Any topic is possible and no limits or political correctness allowed. It’s just a free as a bird concept and we’re going to run with it.

So starting tomorrow, Wednesday, December 6, 2017 and running for the next twelve days, until December 17, 2017, be sure to watch your Facebook timeline or Twitter Feed for the “12 Dougie Days Of Christmas”. And if you’re not following me on Twitter, you should be at @doug28352. I’ll follow back. Just saying.
But anyhow, it’s coming and just like Santa Claus, it’ll be bringing all sorts of Christmas goodies for your enjoyment… I hope. You’ve been warned. Now sit back and enjoy the ride.

And now, work beckons so I must depart. Keep watching and thanks to everyone who comes to and reads the site for your support. Have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all of that. I’ll catch you later.

Ubuntu!