WWE Royal Rumble Predictions
January 25, 2014

We’re roughly twenty-four hours away from the start of the “Road To Wrestlemania”, also known as the WWE Royal Rumble. We’ve got four matches that have been announced, one “possible match” and the thirty-man battle to see who goes on to headline Wrestlemania XXX and wrestles for the WWE World Championship title. And of course, all of that means it’s time to pull out the crystal ball, put on the “Sister Cleo” outfit, and make a few predictions. Let’s just jump right to it, shall we?

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Cody Rhodes & Goldust (c) versus The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)

The former five time tag team champions taking on the Rhodes brothers in what should be a classic old-school style showdown in the pre-game match and show. If the long anticipated match between Goldust and Cody is going to take place this year as rumored, then I think the seeds for the split should begin here. I have absolutely no problem at all in seeing Road Dogg and Billy Gunn have one more quick run at the tag champs and I’m definitely thinking that this is the way it’s going to go.\

Winners and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: The Road Dogg and Billy Gunn – The New Age Outlaws

Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman versus The Big Show

I’m actually interested in this match, thanks to the great build and promo work of Paul Heyman. It should be brutal and smashmouth as hell. But is there really any kind of doubt as to who the winner will be? Nah, I don’t think so.

Winner: Brock Lesnar

Daniel Bryan versus Bray Wyatt

Looking for this one to be a good match as well. It was a bit rushed with the whole “Bryan joins family only to turn on Bray two weeks later” deal, but still, I’m looking forward to it and seeing what these two men can do in that ring together. I know that everyone is expecting Bryan to win and win decisively, but I have this feeling that it won’t quite work out that way. Bryan doesn’t need to win so long as he looks strong. He’s at the point now that wins and losses don’t really matter. Wyatt isn’t quite there yet, even though with the character he portrays, a loss really doesn’t hurt him too much either. I think this one goes to the crazy man with the beard and it’ll go on for a few more weeks to the Elimination Chamber before it all blows over and they move on. So I’m calling for the upset that really isn’t an upset.

Winner: Bray Wyatt

Divas Championship Match
AJ Lee (c) w/ Tamina Snuka vs. Naomi w/ Cameron

This match hasn’t been announced, but it makes sense given the way that WWE likes to book things, as well as the recent encounters between Divas Champion AJ Lee and Naomi and Cameron. So I’m going to go ahead and call it for the “buffer match” between the WWE World Title Match and the Royal Rumble match. And AJ Lee will take on the challenge and come out on top, cause men like crazy chicks and that’s how she rolls.

Winner and STILL Divas Champion: AJ Lee

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Randy Orton (c) versus John Cena

I don’t like Randy Orton as the “face of the WWE”, but I really do NOT want to see John Cena back at the top guy either, especially going into Wrestlemania XXX. Why can’t they just add a third person… anyone will do – and make it a three-way-dance with the third person winning. I’m so tired of these two as the top guys. But alas, that’s what we have and they’re wrestling in a match where no one can interfere and there has to be a winner. Orton is more tolerable than Cena as the champ so I’ll go with Orton retaining the title. Why the heck not.

Winner and STILL WWE World Champion: Randy Orton

The Royal Rumble Match

So far, only twenty names of the thirty participants have been announced. CM Punk starts at the #1 spot. And the winner goes to Wrestlemania XXX to challenge for the WWE World Championship. How do I pick a winner? Oh vey! Well to start off with, let’s guess who will be # 2 and start the match off against CM Punk. How about Kane? And who will have the most eliminations for this year? I think that honor will fall to Roman Reigns. The #30 spot goes to Sheamus. And the final four will be CM Punk, Sheamus, Batista and Antonio Cesaro. And the winner is…

Winner: Batista

And everyone lets out a big groan. But there you have it. My predictions for the Royal Rumble.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot who will be the “guests” and “surprise appearances” for the Rumble Match. There are ten vacant spots available, but I think we’ll only get maybe three surprises. I’ll pick four names though. I think the “surprises” for the Rumble will be 2 Cold Scorpio, aka “Flash Funk”, Jim Morrison, Matt Hardy and The Disco Inferno. Actually, only one is likely (I read spoilers), but the other three? Humor an old man, will ya. I also think we’ll see the return of Christian, who was out with injuries, but has been cleared and is ready to come back.

And anyhow, there you go. And with that, I’m out of here. Enjoy the Rumble and I’ll catch you later on in the week when I do that “Fact Or Fiction” thing that I do. Later gators!

Ubuntu!