Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
February 6, 2014
Doug Maynard

Yeppers, my friends. Even after a hiatus of several months, the column is still alive and kicking. “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News” has been pro wrestling’s most eclectic column since late 2002 and even now, twelve years later, please allow me to say that rumors of my demise are a bit premature. The format may be changing once again, but for the next few months at least, I plan on coming here to the dark and dingy basement of the Tossing Salt Media, Inc tower and seeing what I can come up with at least once a week. And if all goes well, maybe we can even find a website to host this bad boy. Doesn’t that sound like a plan.

So what should you expect each week when you click the link to this page? I’ll still occasionally talk about whatever is happening in the “news” of pro wrestling. I’ll be doing my big show and pay-per-view predictions here too. I’ll occasionally do things like “One On One” where I make fantasy matches between stars of yesterday and stars of today. I’m bringing back that old lovable “Who Am I?” thing I once did. And I’ll spend the majority of my time just asking the best “what if?” and hypothetical questions that I find on Facebook or get from you readers or whatever else. I like to answer questions, especially ones that make me think outside the box a little bit. I’m going to have quotes. And if anything else strikes my fancy, it’ll be here too.

So that’s what you have to look forward to from now on. My plans are that I can do a new “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News” on each Monday and keep doing the “Fact Or Fiction” thing on Thursdays. And I’ve got an idea for an album / music review thing that I may start doing as well if I can figure out exactly what and how I want it to go. Yeppers, I think that 2014 should be the “Year of Dougie”, so let’s do this…

Are you ready?

I said, “Are you ready?”

Nah, that routine never works well in the written form. I’ll let DX keep their gimmick. As for here and now, “it’s clobbering time!”. Let’s do it!

QUESTION TIME…

If you were financially able to purchase JCP (Jim Crockett Promotions), two questions: Would you change the name of the company, if so what would it be? And who would you hire to run the company?

If I bought the company, I would change the name to something that represents my visions and directions for the future of the company. I’d try to find a name that is loyal and respectful to the JCP heritage and not disrespectful to the older fans, but still able to show it’s a new day and new management. Just off the top of my head, it’d be called “Danger Zone Wrestling”…

As for who I would hire to run the company, I’d want someone who’s smart and knows wrestling. The original question, when I first saw it on Facebook, had a list of five names and of those names, (David Crockett, Dusty Rhodes, Paul Heyman, Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo), I picked David Crockett to run the production side of things and Paul Heyman to handle the booking and storylines. However, for my piece here, I’m not bound by any list of names and can think outside the box a little bit.

I’d probably try and get someone like Ole Anderson or maybe Bill Eadie to come in strictly in an “Advisor” capacity, to keep things from getting too stupid and cut through the B.S. that would occasionally come up. But so far as the top guy / booker goes, I’d be out checking the smaller companies and the Indy companies and see who I could find, looking for that next “Eddie Gilbert” in the making. And if that doesn’t pan out, I’d go to what and who I know, two guys I’ve known for years and who have a love for “old school wrestling”, but unlike me, they’ve been doing it for the past fifteen plus years. Me and my lawyers would “run the company”, but Michael Youngblood and William “Ethan Storm” Graves would be the guys running the shows. They know the business, they’re both smart as hell, and I can trust ’em. What more could I ask for?

How would you rate Steve “Mongo” McMichael as a Horseman? As a wrestler?

As a Horseman, Steve “Mongo” McMichael was everything you could look for. He’s legit tough as nails, had the hot “beauty queen” wife, that pedigree in the NFL and of course, that Super Bowl ring he liked to flash around. Outside of the ring, you probably couldn’t find a better pick to be a Horseman than Steve “Mongo” McMichael.

But then we come around to the in-ring performance. And to put it bluntly, Mongo sucked. He had the size and presence and athleticism, but he was not a good wrestler and his matches were painful to watch. Most wrestlers have a natural flow about them that makes what we’re seeing in that ring look easy. Mongo didn’t have that going on. I don’t know if it’s because it was just too hard or if he just started the wrestling career at too old an age, but it was if you could just see him over-thinking every move and having to wrestle by the numbers rather than just adapt and go with the flow.

If it comes down to a legit fight or brawl, there are few people I’d rather have at my side than Steve “Mongo” McMichael. And he’s one of those guys I’d love to meet and drink a beer or two with. He was (and is) a legit tough guy and Mongo has my respect as an athlete and a man, but in the ring as a wrestler, he just didn’t float my boat or work for me. ‘Nuff said!

If the WWE and CM Punk are able to work out their differences in time, should CM Punk have a match at Wrestlemania XXX?

I’m kind of torn on this one because CM Punk did leave the company. He took his ball and went home and that’s pretty unprofessional to say the least. And how would it look if he waits until the last second, then comes back to that big match and big pay-day at Wrestlemania XXX? It wouldn’t be fair to the other wrestlers who are there every night and have been building and promoting the event for someone who walked out to jump right back in and get that big money event in their place.

BUT on the other hand, it’s CM Punk. And he’s one of the main reasons that people are tuning into the WWE right now and watching the product. He has bust his ass for the past ten years and despite these recent problems with management, he’s earned that spot. If he’s not there, it’s going to let down a lot of WWE fans and hurt sales.

I think that’s the bottom line. He (Punk) picked bad time to walk out of the company, but honestly, is there ever really a good time? If Punk and WWE can work out their differences in time before the big show, Punk not only needs to be there, but should be in one of the top matches. After all, he’s CM Punk and the fans want to see him. It’s what’s best for business.

If Sting does sign with the WWE, should he be given a match at Wrestlemania XXX?

If Sting does sign with the WWE, I think it’s too late to stick him into a match at Wrestlemania XXX. Unlike CM Punk, Sting has not been working the WWE all year and busting his ass for the company. If they get him signed, they can make an appearance for him at Wrestlemania XXX if so desired or perhaps at the Hall of Fame. But the best way for Sting to debut and make his first appearance, in my opinion, would be to wait until the RAW immediately following Wrestlemania XXX and have him debut there. That would have the most impact in my eyes. Everything else would just be part of the mix.

And now, let’s have a few words from some great minds…

Quotable Quotes: Part 1…

“Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past its expiration date. Now THAT is extreme!” – Kurt Angle

“Carlito likes to swap spit with men who don’t want to be cool.” – Santino Marella

“Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.”-Jerry Lawler

“I don’t have 30 days and 30 nights to show you why all the hoochies say there’s nothing finer…than Scott Steiner.” – Scott Steiner

“This leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be known as New Year’s Eve! Ladies…why don’t you all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.” – Val Venis

“Sunny didn’t make a fool out of Phineas, God beat her to that.” – Jerry Lawler

“You don’t have to yell at me Schiavone. I’m not blind!” – Bobby Heenan

“The last time I saw that crooked stupid smile on your face, I got-a-so mad, but then I realized…that crooked stupid smile is there all the time.” – Santino Marella to Jim Ross

Moving on… it’s time to do that thing we call…

One On One…

“The Big Cat” Ernie Ladd versus “The Viper” Randy Orton

“One On One” is where I take a wrestler from the past and match him or her up against one of the top stars of today. I imagine both in their prime and try to speculate who would win if said match was to ever actually take place. Yep, it’s fantasy booking at it’s best. Got to love it. Now, let’s do “The Big Cat” versus “The Viper”.

An interesting match-up and contrast of styles. Ladd stood about 6’8 and generally ran in the 315lbs range. So the size advantage would go to “The Big Cat”. Ernie was called “The Big Cat” because of his quickness, so he could definitely move in that ring, but Randy Orton, although he prefers a more methodical pace, would still have the speed advantage. I think Orton has more of a technical and wrestling background, but the brawling abilities and size of Ladd would counter any advantage that Orton might have in that department. Orton is a rough brawler who generally sticks to the rules, but plays tight and stiff. Ladd, whether he was working as a fan favorite or villian, used the short-cuts and broke the rules quite regularly, especially making much use of that “injured thumb” he kept taped up.

I can’t picture Orton pinning Ladd. That just wouldn’t happen. But by the same sense, I can’t see Ernie pinning Randy. Randy is too good and so is Ladd. If this match was to take place, with both men in their primes, it would be a DQ finish. Maybe Orton would use the low blow or maybe Ladd would punch the referee or maybe they’d both get counted out of the ring. But regardless, there would never be a clean finish and always a DQ or count-out. And if the match was finally made where there had to be a winner… damn this is a tough call, but I think Randy Orton would squeak out ahead (just barely) and be the one who gets their arm raised.

Winner: Randy Orton

By the way, if you have any suggestions for future fantasy match-ups for this whole “One On One” piece, please let me know. Old school versus Superstars of Today… who would you like to see?

Quotable Quotes: Part 2…

“I have balls the size of grapefruits and come this Sunday, you’ll be spitting out the seeds.” – Vince McMahon

“You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks, could star in TV westerns…if she had two more legs.” – Jerry Lawler

“Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.”-Jerry Lawler

“I would rather hurt a man…than love a woman.” – Mick Foley

“I make love to the beautiful Maria and you make love to your stick!” – Santino Marella to the Sandman

And finally…

Who Am I?

I began my career in 1986 when I was dragged by friends to an audition for a new television show involving wrestling. I was trained by Mando Guerrero and spent the next few years living in Las Vegas as one of this company’s top stars. In 1999, I went to the big leagues and made my debut by accompanying one of the top stars of the day to the ring and then working as a valet. I eventually moved to the ring where I went on to become a champion three times. I was a part of the Alliance during the Invasion storyline and during my time in the WWE, I worked as a wrestler, valet, trainer and announcer. Who am I?

And I guess that’s it for now. If you know the answer to the “Who Am I?”, inbox me on FB or send me a message at Doug28352@yahoo.com. I’ll give you the credit due in the next column.

And with that, I’m out of here. I’m Doug and I thank you for reading. This has been “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News” and it’s great to be back. I love you Chris.

Ubuntu!