Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
February 25, 2014
Doug Maynard

Have you subscribed to “The Network” yet? How you doing, my peeps? My name is Doug and this is pro wrestling’s most eclectic column, going strong since 2002, “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News!”. For those of you that don’t know who I am, here’s the deal. I’ve been a wrestling fan for over thirty-five years. I’ve been writing about the world’s greatest sport for almost twelve years, ever since the day I answered an ad seeking someone to recap RAW for the now defunt “Wrestling Informer” website. And I’ve never looked back since.

What I do each week here in the dark and dingy basement of “Tossing Salt Media, Inc”, is take a brief look at what has caught my interest in the world of pro wrestling over the past week. I answer questions that I’ve found over at Facebook or that are sent to me by readers. I do some fantasy match-making setting the stars of yesterday versus the stars of today in a little thing called “One On One”. I sprinkle little quotes from different superstars all throughout the column. I ask a “Who Am I?” question and encourage reader participation. And I pretty much rant and ramble about whatever crosses my mind. Word of warning here: It’s not always just wrestling. What “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News” truly means is that we’re taking a trip inside this slightly warped mind and putting it out there for all the world to see. Welcome to my nightmare. I think you’re going to like it. I think you’re going to feel that you belong.

Okay, before I get carried away spouting out Alice Cooper lyrics (never a bad thing), let’s just can the chit-chat and get to work. You’ll learn more about me in the weeks and months to come. Where shall we start? How about last night and a quick recap of all things Monday Night RAW.

RAW: Cliffnote Style

Hogan is back… brutha! Looks like a night full of plugs for the WWE Network. Rematch from last night as Batista fights Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio wins when Bootista is distracted by Randy Orton. Batista is getting booed. Orton and Batista call each other names. Batista knows the people don’t like him, but doesn’t care. Big E. beats Cesaro by DQ when Swagger gets involved. Cesaro isn’t happy. WE THE PEOPLE! John Cena calls out The Wyatt Family. If you’re the future, go through him. Bray and family – they’re here. Great promo and then attack. Looks like Cena might be hurt. Sheamus beats Christian. The Peeps are NOT happy. Well, I’m not happy, but good match anyhow. Daniel Bryan confronts Authority. He gets match with Kane. The Shield are having issues. The Wyatts are in their face and we get a match for later with Roman versus Bray. Ric Flair and Booker T are here. Flair does the “Yes chant!” Wooooo! Daniel Bryan beats Kane. Daniel challenges Triple H for a match at Wrestlemania XXX. Emma and Summer Rae have a match. Santino and Fandango are there too. Emma wins and dances. The fans seem less than Emmathusiastic. The Usos get sneaky and pin the New Age Outlaws. Oh you didn’t know? Non-title of course. Roman Reigns versus Bray Wyatt in a great singles match. Eventually, The Family and The Wolves of Justice all get involved. Bray wins by DQ. I want to see more. Brock is here. Brock wants to make history. Brock gets The Undertaker (and a pen jabbed in his hand!) Looks like another match for Wrestlemania XXX as Brock eats a chokeslam through a table. The End!

And that, my friends, is how to do a recap for RAW. Moving on…

Random Thoughts…

It looks as if John Cena may be legit injured as of last night. The pictures posted of his knee were nasty. If I was HHH and Vince, I’d be getting worried right now. The crowd is crapping all over the potential Batista versus Orton main event. Daniel Bryan looks headed towards match against HHH, but with potentially no John Cena and no major “star-power” like The Rock, things backstage have to be very tense. I think someone needs to travel to Chicago and do some major sweet talking. They need CM Punk now more than ever.

Watching Summer Rae “wrestle” Emma last night made me miss Ivory, Lita, Trish, Molly, Jazz and Victoria more than ever. Maybe we can get AJ Lee versus Lita at Wrestlemania XXX. It’s not too late. I think Victoria might be available too.

If Cena is out, how about Bray Wyatt taking on the man they call Sting? He’s available too.

Batista? Still here and still sucks!

Still no word if Disco Inferno and Alex Wright will be crashing Wrestlemania XXX, but I’m still hoping.

Word is that Roddy Piper wants to wrestle a match at Wrestlemania XXX. I hope that they’re not that crazy. Nobody wants to see Piper (or Hogan or Flair or Bret Hart or Warrior) attempt to wrestle. However, a special edition of “Piper’s Pit” would be extremely welcome. Piper interviews Hogan and others get involved. Pier Six Brawl time as chaos erupts. And we see Hogan and Piper clear the ring as the fans go crazy. Works for me.

Where is 3MB? It’s not the “Road To Wrestlemania” unless Heath, Drew and Jinder are there to get officially ran over.

I don’t care what the WWE Creative and “Powers That Be” think. Miz deserves to be in the mix for the titles and big matches.

Woo Woo Woo – You Know It! – Zack Ryder spotted at Miz’s wedding. That man is getting jakked! He was huge!

The “Stone Cold Steve Austin” podcast – it’s great. Go listen to it! You won’t regret it at all.

I haven’t got the WWE Network yet and it’s been on for almost 24 hours. Someone loan me $10.

What’s up next? I sense some Q&A in our immediate future so it must be…

Question Time…

Jason Marsden: If you were starting your own wrestling promotion who would be your top guy? Past or present, Alive or Deceased but you can only pick one.

Any person, past or present, living or dead, to build around. There’s only one answer for me and that would be the “in his prime” Nature Boy Ric Flair. After all, diamonds are forever and so is Ric Flair. Woooooooo!

Juan Orlando Pabon: If you can pick 3 WWE TNA or other promotion superstar and put them in the top of WCW back in the 90’s who you choose?…..

Three of the stars of today and send them back in time to headline WCW in the 90’s? The ones that I would pick are John Cena, CM Punk and Cesaro.

Curtis Chordologist Tompkins: Single or Tag Teaming, Ivan Koloff just had “it”. Your opinion was he a better singles wrestler or Tag Teaming?

In his early days, Ivan was a good singles guy, as he proved by defeating Bruno Sammartino in Madison Square Garden to capture the then-WWWF Championship. But as time and age took their toll, he moved mainly to the tag team ranks and inmy opinion, I think that’s where he really shined and prospered the most. Whether it was teaming with Nikita or Krusher Kruschev, Paul Jones, Baron Von Raschke, Ole Anderson or whoever, he just seemed to really fit in and look strong. I think Ivan was a talented guy no matter what role he played in the ring, but overall, the tag team division was where he shined the most.

Timothy Decaturboi Banks: Who can book an entire FANTASY card from the referee, to the announcer and color commentator and at least 6 matches with titles on the line also WITH ALL JCP TALENT!?

An entire fantasy card, using nothing but talent from the Jim Crockett Promotions territory, with at least six title matches. Here goes…

Jim Crockett Promotions Presents: Showdown In Charlotte. Announcers are Bob Caudle and Tony Schiavone. Interviews by Johnny Weaver. Referees are Tommy Young and Sonny Fargo.

NWA World Championship: Ric Flair (c) versus Magnum TA
NWA Television Championship: Tully Blanchard versus Wahoo McDaniel
United States Championship: Roddy Piper versus Rick Steamboat
NWA World Tag Team Championship: The Rock & Roll Express versus Manny Fernandez & Rick Rude w/ Paul Jones
“The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes versus Larry Zbyszko w/ Baby Doll
National Tag Team Championship Match: Ole and Arn Anderson versus The Midnight Express w/ Jim Cornette
Mid-Atlantic Championship: Black Bart versus Jimmy “The Boogie Woogie Man” Valiant
Blackjack Mulligan & The Masked Superstar versus John Studd & Baron Von Raschke
Sgt. Slaughter & Don Kernodle versus Jimmy Snuka & Ray “The Crippler” Stevens w/ Gene Anderson

Liam Marshall: Favorite finisher in wrestling ?

I’m definitely an old-school type of guy so I’ve always enjoyed moves like “The Claw” or “The Sleeper”. An old favorite that I only ever saw one man perform correctly was the “Kiwi Leg Roll” by Abe Jacobs and that was pretty awesome. Two of my other favorites were the “Swinging Neckbreaker” as performed by Ken Patera or the “Cobra”, as performed by the Masked Superstar. None of these are used as finishers anymore, but I would love to see them brought back and used more often by the current stars, because they looked effective, were great moves and made the guys look awesome!

Michael Wilson: JCP Mt. Rushmore?

I guess this would have to be in Charlotte to mean anything to anyone. For Jim Crockett Promotions, if there was a Mt. Rushmore type of tribute and I was the one picking the faces, it would be Johnny Weaver, Ole Anderson, Ric Flair and Blackjack Mulligan.

And now…

Quotable Quotes Part 1…

“I’m the man that made wrestling famous.” – Hulk Hogan

“And you know what – and I don’t mean this in tongue in cheek way – but it’s like deja vu. When I walked in to WCW they were producing wrestling on a little teeny sound stage at Disney, okay? I’m walking into TNA and they’re producing wrestling in a little teeny sound stage at Universal.” – Hulk Hogan

“There’s no drama like wrestling.” – Andy Kaufman

One On One…

“One On One” is where I take a wrestler from days gone by and match them up against one of the stars of today. It’s fantasy wrestling at it’s best as I analyze and ponder who would win a match if these people, in their primes, were to face each other “One On One”. Let’s do this…

Ken Patera versus Cesaro

Ken Patera was known for using the “swinging full nelson” as a finisher. Cesaro uses the “Cesaro swing” in his matches. Both are freakishly strong, but Patera shoud have the slight edge due to his years of weightlifting competitions and Olympic background. Cesaro is taller and, I think in better condition for the longer matches. Patera wrestled more of a slow, methodical style that was power-based. Cesaro is the better mat wrestler and has much more speed to his credit. If this match was short, I think Patera might have the edge, but the longer that it goes, the edge would switch over to Cesaro. And if they were to meet, with both in their primes, I really don’t think there is any doubt to the outcome.

Winner: Cesaro

Barry Windham versus Jack Swagger

Both are roughly the same size and weight. This would be a classic match for the ages. Swagger has a great background in amateur wrestling and would probably have a very slight edge. Windham has been involved in pro wrestling since he was a child, being the son of the legendary Blackjack Mulligan, and is probably the better in-ring performer and wrestler. I think the strength edge would (slightly) go to Swagger, but it wouldn’t be enough to make a difference. When that final bell rings, it would be Barry Windham who has his arm raised in victory.

Winner: Barry Windham

Bruiser Brody versus Brock Lesnar

Talk about fantasy dream matches. It doesn’t get any better than this right here. Brody has the height advantage, but I think Brock is the stronger of the two. Brody was known as a brawler, but was also quite a good mat wrestler as well. Brock is a great mat wrestler with an amazing amateur background, not to mention the UFC experience to his credit. Working in Brody’s favor is the international experience working in Japan and Puerto Rico against some of the best in history. If these guys were to be pitted against each other, I don’t think there could or would ever be a clean winner. It would always be a count-out or DQ finish because both are just too strong as performers to take a clean loss. BUT, if there had to be a winner and it came down to a shoot, I hate to say this but I think Brock Lesnar would come out on top. Just my gut feeling here.

Winner: Brock Lesnar

And now…

Quotable Quotes Part 2…

“If Shakespeare was alive today, he’d be writing wrestling shows.” – Chris Jericho

“The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vince Russo has been there in which case the grass is most likely dead.” – Jim Cornette

“Paul Heyman could shit a better wrestling format in his sleep than Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara could do if they worked on it for twenty years.” – Jim Cornette

And finally…

Who Am I?

Every week, I give a few clues about someone and it’s up to you, the readers (both of you) to try and guess who I’m speaking about. That’s why I call this “Who Am I?”. Last week, the answer was none other than the former WWE Superstar and stylist Rico Constantino. Correctly answering my inquiry were my Canadian wrestling brother Harold Schwan, my former “Fact or Fiction” tag team partner Russell Jackson, Jeff Hawkinson, Chad Burttram, Ken McDonald and Leslie Duran. Great job by all and thank you very much for your participation. And now, for the newbie…

I’m probably best known for my Goth-like appearance and screaming, but that didn’t stop me from becoming “The Governor”. I’m a former Cruiserweight Champion and have worked for WCW, WWE and TNA. I can wrestle and have had some wild matches against some of the top stars, but primarily work more in an outside-the-ring role. I broke up David and Stacy and was once married to a member of the band “Fozzy”. My in-ring career ended in 2011 due to injuries and I made headlines again no long afterwards due to having to file a lawsuit to get the medical bills paid. Who Am I?

Think you know the answer? Then let me know at my e-mail address which is Doug28352@yahoo.com. Or contact me at Facebook at facebook.com/saltpalace and inbox me your answer. Answer and the persons who correctly guessed are next week.

And that’s all for today. Thanks for reading. And a big thanks and shout out to Mr. Bob McGee, who has graciously offered me a place and home for my “Tossing Salt” column on his site, http://www.PWBTS.com. It’s a great site and I’m honored and proud to be associated with it. Thank you sir.

Go check out all my writings and stuff at https://tossingsalt.wordpress.com/.

I’m Doug and “dat is all de’ people need to know!”. Have a great day and I’ll catch you on the flip side. Ubuntu!