Greetings Peeps and welcome to another edition of pro wrestlng’s most eclectic column, the infamous “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News”.  I’m somewhat disgusted this morning for several reasons so this will probably be a shorter column than usual.  “Why are you ill?”, you ask.  Computer gremlins are the reason.  Last night, after watching RAW and putting the finishing touches on my rambling recap of the show (which is available at the site), I decided to go ahead and finish up this column as well, most of which I had already completed over the weekend.  I type and type and type for about an hour, think I’m finished and then go to hit “save”… and the power decides that it’s time to flicker off.  The computer goes off and I lose everything.  And as you might guess, I flipped.  I cursed, I threw things, I choke-slammed my cat and then I said to hell with it and went to bed.

 

And now, here we are.  Luckily, most of the questions for the Q&A part of the column were saved on the computer so I can salvage them.  And the “One On One” part is pretty easy to rewrite.  And as for the rest, let’s just wing it.  

 

 

Chicago is loud and jakked up.  We hear the music of he who shall not be named, but get Paul Heyman instead. Heyman works the crowd, blames them for everything, and brings out Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar talks (surprising) and with a quick melee, closes down the “House of Pain” by putting Mark Henry through the announcers table.  The Usos beat The New Age Outlaws and we have new tag team champions.  Big E fights Cesaro, but the match is cut short as Jack Swagger gets involved.  “The Big Swinger” Cesaro isn’t happy.  Awesome six-man tag action as The Shield fights The Wyatt Family.  Seth Rollins takes a walk from his team and Sister Abigail allows Bray Wyatt to enjoy another victory.  Batista thinks the “Yes Movement” is stupid.  Santino and Emma act goofy and take out Dancing Fools 2014 Edition, Fandango and Summer Rae.  Sheamus defeats Christian, but Captain Charisma gets some payback in an ambush attack backstage after the match.  The Peeps rejoice.  The Bella Twins defeat Alicia Fox and Aksana.  Daniel Bryan gets some critique from HHH and Stephanie before getting sent to the corner.  Dolph Ziggler has Aaron Paul in his corner and steals out a win from Alberto Del Rio.  Paul Bearer is going to the Hall of Fame.  Big E is scheduled to face Jack Swagger, but gets laid out by Cesaro.  There’s some issues with Swagger and Cesaro, but Uncle Zeb makes them hug it out.  WE THE PEOPLE!  John Cena talks!  Bray Wyatt responds with another great promo.  We get to the main event and it’s Batista versus Daniel Bryan.  Randy Orton gets involved.  The Authority gets involved.  Daniel Bryan kicks HHH in the face and eats a pedigree.  And there you go.  The End!

 

 

No CM Punk on RAW last night.  Still a good show though and it was awesome the way Paul Heyman worked it all into build for the Taker – Brock match at Wrestlemania XXX.  Paul Heyman is probably the best mic guy in the business today.

 

I still haven’t subscribed, but I’m taking the plunge and getting The Network this week.  Look for a lot of retro-styled recaps in our future.

 

Mark Henry used to be the baddest man on the planet.  Now he’s laid out in seconds by Brock.  How the mighty have fallen.

 

I keep hearing more stories about TNA owing people money and cutting salaries.  Good thing they have those high ratings and huge house-show audiences to keep them afloat.  

 

Speaking of TNA, whatever happened to Crimson?  That young man has “it” and should be a big time player one day.

 

Didn’t Alex Riley look so different last night during his brief cameo on RAW (as part of the pre-show roundtable), sitting with Booker T, Hacksaw Duggan and Josh Matthews? I wish they would let him get back into the ring.  

 

Something that annoyed me last night.  They had a backstage piece where the Divas were watching clips of the Aaron Paul movie.  The Bellas and Aksana were all together and chilling.  Yet later that night, they were wrestling.  Why were they together if they were going to be opponents?  Doesn’t make sense.

 

Four spots for the Hall of Fame filled so far.  Rumors are that Mr. T and Scott Hall will be the next two inductees.  I still think that Ivan Koloff, Ole Anderson (will never happen, I know) and Magnum TA should round it all out for this year.  And Cyndi Lauper too.  

 

And now, let’s move on to…

 

 

“This is not a fabricated, pretend sport like the ultimate fighting championships; no, this is sports entertainment. This is REAL.” – Chris Jericho

 

Paul E. commenting on War Games: “This is more dangerous than double dating with Danny Bonaduce on the Kennedy compound.”

 

“I love the scent of burnt flesh in the morning.” — Sgt. Slaughter after burning Hogan’s face.

 

And now, it’s…

 

 

I have not read it yet, but would like to and at some point and time, hopefully will.  As for my thoughts on The Midnight Express, I feel that in the ring, they (Bobby and Stan) were one of the best tag teams of their era.  Bobby and Dennis were good too, but my preference is for the latter team.  Bobby Eaton is a fantastic performer who could match moves with anyone and is extremely under-rated.  Stan Lane was very good in the ring, a bit more flashy than Bobby, and the two of them had a magic and a chemistry that couldn’t be matched.  And then, when you add the influence and voice of Jim Cornette to the picture, it was lightning that was caught in the bottle. A magic that hasn’t happened since.  These three men, as a unit, belong in any and every wrestling Hall of Fame there is.  They are that good.

 

 

In no particular order, Masked Superstar, La Parka, Mr. Wrestling II, The Assassin (Jody Hamilton) and Mr. Wrestling II.

 

This is kind of hard because most of the WCW and JCP guys did some time in the WWF / WWE at some point in their careers.  There’s Sting of course, but that’s liable to change at any moment now.  Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff would be two more.  And we’ll round it off with Ole Anderson and Disco Inferno.  That’s five, right?  And I’d throw Baby Doll in there as well.  After all, she was Tully’s “Perfect 10″…

 

 

I honestly loved both guys as managers, but there really isn’t a contest here.  Heyman is an amazing and taleted guy and if I had a company that needed a booker, he’d be my first choice.  But when it comes to being a manager at ringside, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan is in a league of his own.

 

 

I’ll give credit where it’s due.  Before it got watered down with all the excess baggage, the nWo, with Scott Hall, Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan was damn good and earned their spot as one of the top factions in wrestling history. Of course, they’re not The Horsemen, but then again, who is?  

 

No… and let me explain why.  The WWE has already unified the WWE and World Championship.  That leaves three titles for the nearly sixty superstars on the WWE main roster to aim for and challenge for.  Considering that the usual WWE title feud is the champ versus one person for generally two to three months, that doesn’t leave much available for the rest of the roster to do.  And why are the wrestlers (supposedly) there?  To make money and win titles.  Yes, we know that they’re just props, but being a Champion is still preferable to not being one.  The fans like to see the wrestlers compete for a reason and just for the pride of winning won’t quite cut it. Throw a championship belt and some bragging rights into the mix and it ups the intensity and interest in the match.  Too many titles waters down the product, but three titles, especially with the history of both the United States and Intercontinental Championships involved, isn’t too many and is just enough to give everyone something to strive for and appear to be competing for.  If it was up to me, I’ve even add a “TV Title” to the mix and have it defended at least twice a week on RAW and Smackdown, in mandatory defenses with a ten minute time limit.  The number of titles isn’t a problem, but it’s how the titles and champions are booked.  Right now, having the two major secondary titles works and it should stay that way.

 

 

There are quite a few faces at NXT that I’d love to see move up and become part of my regular Monday and Friday night TV viewing, but the names that stand out the most for me are Bo Dallas in the ring and William Regal on the commentary. He’s so much better in getting the moves across and helping to build the guys in the ring than either JBL or Jerry Lawler. Let Jerry take a vacation and go to Florida for a while and move Regal to RAW.  It would truly be awesome!

 

 

I would rather see Christian and Sheamus take part in a multi-man match where the winner climbs a ladder and gets a contract which will allow them to challenge for the WWE World Championship whenever they desire, but if that match doesn’t take place and we get a singles match between the “Celtic Warrior” and “Captain Charisma”, that’ll work too.  These two men have a great chemistry and it’d be a great match, albeit one we’ve seen far too many times already.

 

 

If Cesaro continues to have the great matches and get over as he’s been doing as of late, I can definitely see a chance to be the WWE World Champion waiting for him at some point in the future.

 

 

And I say hell no!  If there were still two major titles, then he might have a run as the World Champion in his future, but as the single “face of the company”, I just can’t see it. He’s a big guy, but he’s not really all that good. His mic skills are limited and his matches are not catching the world on fire.  Maybe some day, he might pull it all together and earn a chance to be the big dog in the park, but I think that day, if it ever happens, will be a long, long, long time away from now.

 

And now, moving on once more, let’s go to…

 

 

“Missy is really a man. She’s a cross dresser. She hangs out with Sammartino. They shave each other’s back.” — Paul Heyman.

 

“You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car.” — Bobby Heenan

 

“If the Gods could build me a ladder to the heavens, I’d climb up the ladder and drop a big elbow on the world.” — Cactus Jack

 

Let’s move on to…

 

 

“One On One” is where I take a wrestler from days gone by and match them up against one of the stars of today. It’s fantasy wrestling at it’s best as I analyze and ponder who would win a match if these people, in their primes, were to face each other “One On One”. Let’s do this…

 

 

Last night, Jimmy and Jey won their first WWE Tag Team Championship, but what if they were matched up against the former three-time Champions, Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans?  I’m not quite sure of how they’re related (I think Afa and Sika are great-uncles or something of that nature), but it would make for an exciting family feud (and we wouldn’t even need Richard Dawson to be involved).  Afa and Sika definitely have the power advantage, not to mention the twisted mind of the great Captain Lou in their corners as well, for a little distraction here and there.  Jimmy and Jey are in better condition, are faster, and have better moves working as a team.  Afa and Sika played the role of savage lunatics to the hilt, while Jimmy and Jey are more into showboating and trying to be “entertainers” rather than solid wrestlers.  It’d be an interesting contrast in styles, but I think when push comes to shove, the elders would end up showing the young upstarts a thing or two and take them to school.  

 

 

Both are extremely talented wrestlers who the fans have taken to despite being “heels”.  Neither man does much speaking on the mic, although Cesaro have shown he’s pretty capable as a talker.  But then again, when you have folks like Jim Cornette and Zeb Colter around, who needs to talk anyhow? Both are very capable wrestlers and performers.  Bobby does more of the ariel moves, while Cesaro is more of a power guy, who is also extremely fast moving.  I think the key would be conditioning.  Bobby can go for a long time, but he’s more suited to tag team wrestling and works better in spurts.  Cesaro is in amazing condition and would simply outlast Bobby in a long match, wearing him out. It’d be a wrestling match for the ages and a clinic in great in-ring performance, but in the end, I think Cesaro would give Bobby that big swing and end up taking that trip to the pay window.

 

 

Kevin Sullivan is the wicked and evil “Taskmaster”.  Bray Wyatt is the modern-day version of Kevin Sullivan with a little extra twist.  Bray definitely has the size and strength advantage, but as Sullivan proved many times in battles against Dusty Rhodes and Blackjack Mulligan, size isn’t everything.  Sullivan is just pure straight-ahead brutality, mixed with one of the best minds for wrestling of the past hundred years.  And Bray is taking up the mantle and really beginning to make a major impact.  Bray has the advantage of being a third generation superstar and his father (Mike Rotundo), uncle (Barry Windham) and Grandpa (Blackjack Mulligan) all had their adventures and experiences working with Sullivan and could help Bray know what to expect and be prepared for this match.  Kevin doesn’t need the extra help and is always ready for a good fight or brawl, regardless of who the opponent might be.  It would be stiff, chaotic and truly a slobberknocker for the ages.  It could go either way, but I think that we’d see Bray and “Sister Abigail” walk out on top when that final bell rings.

 

 

And finally, let’s do the “Who Am I?”  On second thought, I just glanced at the clock and I have an appointment in just a little while so I’m going to skip the “Who Am I?” for this week.  Last weeks answer was Shannon Spruill, aka “Daphney”.  Correctly answering were Harold Schwan, Jeff Hawkinson, Russell Jackson, Tomo Hayashi and Chad Burttram.  Great job guys.  No new one this week because I don’t have the time, but I’ll have a new one next week.  Promise!  

 

And I guess that’s going to do it for today.  I’ve got to kick it into gear now and get out of here so I can partake in my duties as a volunteer for our local Food Bank.  Yeppers, I’ve got to take that trip to Food Lion and pick up some donations.  They (Food Lion) do a lot for us and I want to publicly give them a big shout-out and thanks to everyone at Food Lion 690 in Laurinburg, NC for helping us feed those in need each and every week.  

 

Thanks for reading.  I’ll be back on Thursday with my “Fact or Fiction” column and who knows, I may be back before then if I get a spark of inspiration and some fire in the belly.  We’ll just have to wait and see on that though.  I’m Doug and I’m out of here.  As the great Baron Von Raschke would say, “Dat is all de’ people need to know!”.

 

Ubuntu!