Tossing Salt – Worldwide News

March 11, 2014

Doug Maynard

 

And here we are again, my friends.  It’s time for another edition of pro wrestling’s most eclectic column, the infamous “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News”.  I’m Doug and it’s bright and way too early on a Tuesday morning.  There’s a lot to talk about, like TNA Lockdown, a great edition of Monday Night RAW last night and just stuff in general so let’s skip the small talk and get straight to the meat of the column, shall we?  By the way, UNC # 1… Let’s do this…

 

Monday Night RAW (in 500 words or less).

 

Hulkamania is here brutha!  Hulk plugs the WWE Network and announces a 30-Man Battle Royal in honor of Andre The Giant at Wrestlemania XXX.  John Cena comes down and welcomes Hogan back to the WWE and kisses up.  They’re here!  Wyatt Family down and Bray cuts a great promo as usual and calls himself a god.  Cena sings and then rags on Bray.  He wants Bray at Wrestlemania.  John Cena beats Eric Rowan in a short match. Bray is mad. Cena and Hogan pose.  Steph and HHH want an apology from Daniel Bryan.  They get a handshake and hug from the New Age Outlaws. The Usos beat Ryback and Curtis Axel.  Outlaws do commentary and we find out Rybaxel will be in Battle Royal.  Kane berates The Shield.  The Shield steps up and gives it back to Kane. Reigns gets in Kane’s face and makes his point about taking care of “demons”.  Damn!  Big E beats Jack Swagger when Cesaro decides not to help.  Jack said he had it covered.  Tense handshake between the Real Americans as Zeb tries to keep the peace. WE THE PEOPLE!  Undertaker is here.  Paul Heyman is here. Paul does a great promo. Undertaker says rest in peace.  The Shield (Reigns and Rollins) beat Cody Rhodes and Goldust in a great match.  Divas Tag Action.  Natayla on the commentary.  The Bellas beat AJ Lee and Tamina. Daniel Bryan comes out and he starts a “Yes Movement” hijacking of RAW.  Bryan and fans fill the ring.  HHH and Steph are pissed.  They want their show back. Back and forth arguments and finally, we get HHH to agree to match at Wrestlemania XXX against Bryan.  Bryan throws fly into the ointment. He beats HHH and he’s in the main event for the belt.  HHH is pissed.  The fans are happy. YES! YES! YES!  Fun Memphis Street Fight as Sheamus defeats Christian.  Bray Wyatt accepts Cena’s challenge. Brad Maddox tells Randy Orton and Batista to get along in their match against Big Show and Daniel Bryan.  Orton says yes.  Batista walks off.  Big Show and Daniel Bryan defeated Batista and Orton in the main event.  Bryan leads the “YES!” chants as the show ends.  The end!  And that is how to recap a show… lol.

 

Thoughts…

 

Former WWECW Champion Bobby Lashley has returned to the world of pro wrestling and TNA.  Are you excited?  No, me neither.

 

The Wyatt Family:  Follow the Buzzards and wipe out the Cenation. Works for me.  

 

I loved how JBL kept accusing Jerry Lawler of being part of the “Yes Movement” and allegedly helping Daniel Bryan pull off his takeover of RAW.

 

RAW last night was a great show.  The “Yes Movement’s” hijacking of the ring was well done.  Good to see that the WWE has taken my idea about the Daniel Bryan double-shot at Wrestlemania XXX.  YES! YES! YES!

 

Roman Reigns versus Kane?  I’d like to see it.

 

Gail Kim and Madison Rayne had a great match in the cage at TNA Lockdown.  I hope that between this match and the great match between Emma and Paige at NXT Arrival, the WWE Divas are taking lots of notes.  Is there hope for woman’s wrestling?  Can it be saved.  If those matches I just mentioned are any indication, the answer is yes.

 

John Cena and Hulk Hogan:  Next WWE Tag Team Champions?  It could happen (but I hope not!)

 

Paul Heyman is the best talker / promo guy in the business today. His history lesson and speech to the Undertaker was incredible.  

 

Zack Ryder has a new YouTube show out called Zack Ryder’s Last ReZort!  I hope this works out and brings Zack back to a strong mid-card presence in the WWE.  He deserves it.

 

Anne Rice has announced that her newest book will be out in October and features the return of the vampire Lestat.  This has nothing to do with wrestling, but it’s just awesome news for anyone who’s ever been a fan of her work.  The Vampire Chronicles live again!  Woo-hoo!

 

Still no sign of CM Punk returning to the WWE anytime soon.  Damn!

 

Still no sign of Batista leaving the WWE anytime soon.  Damn!

 

Did Stephanie really say last night that SHE was the sole owner of everything WWE (or something of that nature?)  A tease for a future McMahon Family Feud?  

 

Linda McMahon will be inducting The Ultimate Warrior into the WWE Hall of Fame.  I like Linda, but her speeches are better for sleep than a handful of Sominex.  And the Warrior likes to talk on and on and on and on and on and on and on… and no one knows what the hell he’s talking about for ninety percent of the talk, including Warrior.  I have a strong feeling that the Linda / Warrior segment of the show is going to be very interesting (and long).  Pack a lunch, my friends.

 

Buff Bagwell:  He would be an interesting person to bring back for WWE Access.  I wonder if the WWE can afford his rates though?  Hell, give him and his Mama a booth and just watch the fans go crazy with excitement. They can sit next to Virgil.

 

Just in case some of you (all of you) missed TNA Lockdown on Sunday night, here are the pay-per-view results…

 

Quick Results for TNA Lockdown 2014

 

The Great Muta, Sanada, and Yasu defeated Bad Influence and Chris Sabin

Samuel Shaw defeated Ken Anderson

Bobby Lashley vs Ethan Carter III was a No Contest

Tigre Uno defeated Manik 

Gunner defeated James Storm in a Last Man Standing Match

Madison Rayne defeated Gail Kim to retain the TNA Knockouts Title

Magnus defeated Samoa Joe to retain the TNA World Title 

Team MVP defeated Team Dixie in Lethal Lockdown

And now…

 

Quotable Quotes Part 1…

 

 “He looks like something that fell out of a deck of cards!” — Bobby Heenan on Oliver Humperdink

 

“NO NO NO!! FIVE! FIVE!” — King Kong Bundy

 

“The Bushwhackers are living proof that the Three Stooges had children” — Gorilla Monsoon

 

Question Time…

 

James Chirdon:  Who was the best wrestler to never be world champion and hold the 10 pounds of gold?

 

In my mind, two names stand out above all others.  Arn Anderson, who would have made a great transitional champion for WCW, to move him out of Ric Flair’s shadow and put a huge exclamation point on his legacy.  The other person is William Regal, who is without a doubt one of the top in-ring performers and talkers in the WWE today.  Actually, I think Regal probably would have had a run, albeit short around the time he was the King Of The Ring, but a Wellness violation (his second) screwed that up for him.  If the WWE still had two top titles, I think he still would have had a chance to get a brief run as probably the World Champion, but with only one title now, I can’t see it ever happening.

 

Eddie Thompson:  Better heel:  Piper, Blanchard or Flair?

 

Of these three, Tully is definitely the best heel of the bunch. Flair and Piper, even when they were at their worst, had fans and cheers.  Tully was detested and hated by everyone and that includes the other wrestlers. He was so good at being hated, you just wanted to reach into the TV screen and ring his neck.  I think what sums it up the best is that his nickname was “Super Brat” and that came from the other wrestlers, not the fans. He was just that good at being bad.

 

Ruben Hidalgo:  If WWE had a Mount Rushmore, who would you put there?

 

Bruno Sammartino, Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin.

 

Jeff Thompson:  In your opinion what wrestler is terrible at being a bad guy?

 

Of the current top stars of today, Jeff Hardy can’t be a heel.  John Cena can’t be a heel.  No one buys Dolph Ziggler as a bad guy and I can’t see any way that they could book Santino, Zack Ryder or Daniel Bryan as heels either.  They’re too established as faces or comedy acts or just too damn good as the under-pushed star with all the skills to be truly hated or despised.  Being a heel these days is a lost art anyhow and with the exceptions of maybe Alberto Del Rio or Wade Barrett, there are no true top heels in pro wrestling. It just doesn’t happen anymore.

 

Nathan Sketcha:  Who would you prefer to see run the WWE……..Unless you think Triple H is doing a good job. I’d personally think it would be cool if it was Stone Cold.

 

I think that Hunter is doing a good job in some areas, such as building for the future with the Developmental Center and NXT, as well as the part-time deals with RVD, Chris Jericho, etc.  But I also feel that HHH is still a little too much one of the boys when it comes to booking matches and the direction that the WWE is going at the current times.  I’d love to see Paul Heyman be given control of the creative end of the WWE scene, much like he was when he was in charge of Smackdown a few years ago.  A partnership with Heyman and Michael Hayes in charge of the booking matches and storylines with only minimal imput from HHH and Vince would work for me.  

 

Quotable Quotes Part II…

 

“Gene Mean, look at our body. Cameraman, zoom!” — Iron Sheik

 

“You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car.” — Bobby Heenan

 

“If the Gods could build me a ladder to the heavens, I’d climb up the ladder and drop a big elbow on the world.” — Cactus Jack

 

Who Am I?

 

Every week, I give a few clues about someone and it’s up to you, the readers (both of you) to try and guess who I’m speaking about. That’s why I call this “Who Am I?”.

And now, for the newbie…

 

I was trained by Harley Race and Lord Littlebrook and made my debut in 1973.  I was very successful in a tag team partnership with a true “Playboy”.  Despite the extremely racist character I later portrayed and am most famous for, I’m extremely proud of my Polish background and once worked as “The Polish Prince” under the watchful management of Freddie Blassie.  I once did a cult-leader gimmick based on Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh while managing Japanese star Kendo Nagasaki.  I am most famous for my feuds against a future “Bad Guy” and my violent attack on Jimmy Snuka.  I was briefly managed by Diamond Dallas Page. Along with my former tag team partner, we ran a wrestlng school from 2001 – 2006.  I am now retired and living peacefully in Arizona.  Who Am I?

 

Do you know the answer?  Either e-mail me at Doug28352@yahoo.com or else go to my Facebook page at facebook.com/saltpalace and send me an IM and I’ll make sure you get the proper credit in the next Tossing Salt column.  

 

And that’s going to do it for me.  In case you’re wondering where the “One On One” is, I’m going to shift that over to the “Fact Or Fiction” column and make it a part of the Thursday madness instead of doing it here. This column is crowded enough and I’m trying to spread things out.  So now you know.  And with that, I’m Doug and I’m out of here.  Have a great week and I’ll see you on Thursday with the “Wrestling Fact Or Fiction” thing that I love to do.  Take it sleazy!

 

Ubuntu!