A quick parody of the “Men On Film” segments from the show “In Living Color”. May go back and rewrite later on, but this is the first draft. Enjoy.

 

Men On Politics: 2016 Presidential Edition

(Inside a small TV studio, two men are waiting for their cues. Antione Merriweather and Blaine Edwards are ready to begin.)

“Hello, I’m Blaine Edwards”, the first man smiled.

“And I’m Antoine Merriweather”, the other added.

“And welcome to Men on Politics”, they said together.

“Where we are going to look at the men and women”, Blaine said.

“If they truly are women… and I have my doubts”… Antoine interjected.

“Who are running for the office of President of the United States of America”, Blaine finished.

“From a male point of view”, Antoine concluded.

“But first, we have to mention our newest sponser, Ball Park Franks”, Blaine said as he held up a pack of hot dogs. “They plump when you cook ’em.”

“And I know you like that”, Antoine adlibbed.

“You know I do”, Blaine smiled. “I’ll just save these for later!”, he muttered as he set the pack of hot dogs to the side.

“Girl, you crazy”, Antoine laughed.

“I like my weiners plump”, Blaine admitted.

“And now, let’s talk about the men and women running for the office of President of the United States of America”, Antoine started.. “First off, we have little Marco Rubio.”

“Little Marco is cute as a button, but look at those ears”, Blaine smirked. “Is Mickey Mouse his daddy?”

“Just something to grab hold to and ride”, Antoine laughed.

“Marco is cute and all that, but he just reminds me of my ex-pool boy, Juan.”

“He can clean my pool anytime”, Antoine smiled.

“And then we come to Senator Teddy Cruz”, Antoine said.

“He’s short!”, Blaine said.

“He’s obnoxious”, Antoine added.

“He’s got a flat head”, Blaine remarked.

“So at least there is one redeeming quality there”, Antoine threw in.

Blaine turned and looked over at Antoine, who just shrugged.

“And next is Carly or whatever her name is”, Antoine said.

“Hate her!”, both Antoine and Blaine said at the same time.

“Look at that face. He needs to go talk to RuPaul and get some beauty tips”, Blaine said.

“I don’t even think Ru could help that one out”. Antoine added.

“Next up is little Ben Carson”, Blaine said.

“He can play Doctor with me anytime”, Antoine said. “So soft spoken and sweet!”

“You know there’s some sugar in that tank”, Blaine said. “But I don’t care. I think I need a physical.”

“But he seems to like those beastly mens”, Antoine said.

“What do you mean, Toin?”, Blaine asked.

“Have you seen his wife? She’s all big and scary looking.”

“Hate her”, Blaine and Antoine said together.

“Next up is Jeb”, Blaine said.

“I like Jebby, but there’s something about his name”, Antoine remarked.

“Jeb?”, Blaine asked.

“No, the other name”, Antoine said. “Bush!”

“Uuugghh!”, both Blaine and Antoine shuddered at the same time.

“Nasty”, Blaine added, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

“Like you can talk”, Antoine said. “I know where that tongue has been.”

“Not in any bush”, Blaine smirked.

“Not what I heard”, Antoine remarked.

Throwing a nasty look at his partner, Blaine asked, “Who’s left?”

“Kasich”, Antoine said. “The Governor of Ohio.”

“I don’t like him”, Blaine said. “He’s all jumpy and jittery all the time, like someone slipped meth in his geritol.”

“I disagree”, Antoine said. “He’s got that sly, silver fox look going on… and look at those lips.”

“Looks like he got into the Ball Park franks. They are kind of plump.”

“Oooh girl”, Antoine snickered. “Call me Grandpa!”

“And next, there’s the Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie.”, Blaine said.

“Hate her!”, Antoine said.

“She’s not a she. She’s a he”, Blaine said. “The chubby one who looks like Spanky from the Little Rascals.”

“Oh, he’s all right then”, Antoine said. “If you’re into that bear quality.”

“He’s big and burly and can bear me anytime. I like that bossy style”, Antoine smiled.

“I know you do! I know you do!”, Blaine smirked.

“And last, but certainly not least, we have the billionaire, Donald Trump.”

“The Donald”, Blaine said. “He’s rich and loud and rich.”

“But what is that on his head? It looks like something crawled up there and died!”, Antoine said.

“It doesn’t matter”, Blaine said. “He’s rich!”

“I don’t care!”, Antoine said. “I don’t like him. He’s a bully and a racist.”

“But he’s rich!”, Blaine said. “And I like rich!”

“He’s a cheater. Look what he did to his first wife, Ivanka with that little Marla Maples girl. And then did to her with the new wife.”

“He likes to spread the little Donald around. That’s for sure!”, Blaine noted.

“Did you know I applied to be on ‘The Apprentice’ once?”, Antoine commented.

“You did?”, Blaine asked. “What happened?”

“It came down to between me and Gary Busey. They went with Busey!”

“That’s awful. There’s no accounting for taste”, Blaine said.

“I was shattered”, Antione said. “Good thing I had some Ball Park Franks.”

“They plump when you cook them”, Blaine said.

“And that’s going to do it for our look at the Republican candidates running for the office of President of the United States”, Antoine said. “For the men and so-called women running, we’re going to give them a new and improved, three twirls and double snap around the back, high five snap.”

“Come back next week when we look at the Democratic candidates running for the office”, Blaine said.

“Three grizzled old, rich white folks”, Antoine noted.

“Now that sounds almost racist”, Blaine said. “Toin, I’m ashamed of you.”

“How about three grizzled old pale faces who need a tan?”, Antoine said.

“Better”, Blaine smiled.

“That’s all for now”, Antoine said.

“Bye bye”, Baine added.

“And don’t forget to eat some Ball Park Franks. They plump when you cook them”, Antoine said. “And who doesn’t like that!”

THE END!