I really don’t feel like doing this today. There, I said it! It’s a beautiful day and I’d rather be outside enjoying the sun and warm weather. Okay, I’m lying again. It is a beautiful day and if I was to go outside, I’d probably enjoy it. BUT, it’s one of “those” days. Physically, I feel fine (for a change). There are some aches and pains and a slight headache in the back of my noggin’, but I’m used to that. And my feet hurt and my stomach is a little queasy, but all of that is normal and tolerable. It’s more psychological for me. I just want to be alone, in my room or anywhere that people will not be. I don’t want to talk or interact or be around anyone. I just want to sleep and cry and moan, “Why me?”, while pulling the blankets over my head and wishing for the embrace of darkness and death. I know it sounds morbid and probably is, but that’s how I feel sometimes. Depression can be a ass-kicker at times and today, it’s kicking my ass. Writing about it does help a little bit though. And there’s no need to worry or call 911 on me because I’m not going to do anything stupid. As bad as I may feel, I know that it’s not permanent and things are not truly as bad as it seems. I actually have a decent life, for the most part. I just get depressed and moody sometimes. I tried to get help, but the only solution the professionals could come up with were prozac and klonepins. Did I spell that right? Does it even matter? No one is reading this crap anyhow so I won’t even bother with the spell-check today. I’m just not in the mood. I just need a little alone / me time. Or a good, rough session of coitus with some young, hot studly. Either would work. Neither will most likely happen. I’m just going to do this and then either go back to bed for the rest of the day or go to the college and sit by the lake. I’ll decide when I finish writing this, the “Day 4” edition of “Thirty Days of Dougie!”. I’m reaching into the Magic Box and we have Mr. Rogers and A Survey. An interesting combination to be sure. Let’s just do it…
Thirty Days of Dougie! (Day 4): Mr. Rogers and A Survey…

February 23, 2017

We’ll start off with Mr. Rogers. He was an icon and legend and loved kids. He taught about responsibility and caring and all the things that kids need and want and did it for over thirty years on his show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, on PBS. The man was as real as it gets and the way he spoke to children, never talking down to them in any matter, but always being careful to talk and explain in a manner they could understand, was just good stuff. While I’m sure that off camera, he was as human as the rest of us and probably had moments of anger, fear, doubt, etc., he never showed that in public. He just wanted to be there for children and to do his part to make the world a much better place. The world needs far more Mr. Rogers in it and far less of the modern day trash that passes as celebrity. I remember Mr. Feeny and the Trolly and Daniel Lion and Pussy Cat and Lady Elaine and all of the characters he regularly interacted with. They were just puppets, but they were so much more as well. They were you and I, given an identity and form, with all of our mannerisms, flaws and character qualities. And Mr. Rogers, through his characters, and through that camera every day, spoke to us and said that we’re good and things are going to be okay. Rest in Peace, Fred Rogers. You were definitely one of the good ones and you are very much missed. I will always be thankful for the time you spent, giving and teaching us to be a good neighbor and a good person. Thank you. What more needs to be said?

And now, let’s do this survey thing. It’s an old MySpace survey that I don’t think I ever did before. It’s long and somewhat insightful and I promise to answer every question truthfully, unless of course I decide to lie. Are you ready? And away we go…

Survey #154 : Pretty Long

Do you think your ex still wants to be with you?
I doubt it. Most of my exes were assclowns and honestly, I was just their side-piece, convenient for when they needed or wanted something. Sad, but true. One has expressed interest in getting back together, but he’s a piece of crap too strung out on drugs and alcohol and I can’t trust him in the slightest, so it’s not happening.

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you?
See my last answer. It’s happened, but it will never happen again. I refuse to go through that again.

Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
Can two men even have a baby together? I know there’s adoption, but… nah! Let’s don’t and say we did.

Will this Friday be a good one?
It’s my weekend off from work so it might be good. We’ll see…

When was the last time you completely broke down?
A couple of days ago. And I think, based on the way I’m feeling today, that an anxiety attack may be on the verge of happening today. I hope not though.

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
I know many people who like to partake of the smoking of the herb. That’s their thing and what they do.

Are you nice to the people you dislike?
I try to be nice and respectful to everyone, regardless of my personal feelings towards them. It’s called “being an adult!”

Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to?
To a point, yes, but he’s so wrapped up in his own problems that it’s a moot point. I wish I did have someone again.

What are you excited for?
Nothing in particular at the moment. I’m just kind of a take it as it comes person, but if I start to get excited or enthusiastic about something, it generally gets screwed up so I try to temper my anticipation and live for the moment instead.

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
If it’s Chris, I call the law because that fucker is in prison and belongs there. If it’s Danny, I invite him in for a session of coitus. Anyone else, I just play it by ear and say, “what you want?”

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for?
Yes!

Does sex mean love?
Not really. It’d be nice if that was the case, but sex is just that. It’s sex. No big deal and no feelings or emotions need be involved. It’s just a physical means to get off. I don’t have to love the people I have sex with (or even like them for that matter). It’s great when that happens and I do, but it’s not a major thing anymore.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?
Yeppers.

What’s something you really want right now?
To not be so stressed out and to have someone here with me, just giving me a hug and saying that things are okay.

What was the first thing you did this morning?
Woke up, looked at the clock, got up to go pee and then went back to bed.

What is your relationship status?
Single and it looks like I’m going to be that way for a while. My BFF / heterosexual life mate won’t let me date anyone unless he approves of them.

What did the last text in your inbox say? From Who.
“I love you bro, see you tomorrow.”, from my BFF / bro, Kenneth…

What was the longest time you’ve wasted on a certain person?
About 8 years or so on Chris… I was in love so damn bad. What a freakin’ idiot I was.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes, the soundtrack to Interview From A Vampire. I love this kind of music. No words, but just feeling.

Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
I do have a few fences I’d like to mend so yes…

What’s in your purse?
I don’t have a purse. I have a wallet. I’m a man. And in it are my ID, debit card, some business cards, a few receipts, two dollars and an uncashed lottery ticket where I won $3. I’m rich… lol

Is your name a common name?
I guess. I know a few others named “Doug”, but none of them are as cool and pull it off as well as I do… lol

What is your favorite color out of these 5: Green, yellow, blue, pink, or red?
Pink…

What are you doing tomorrow?
Waking up, writing the Day 5 edition of “Thirty Days of Dougie!”, eating, etc. I honestly have no idea. I’d love to get drunk and laid… lol.

Whats the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today?
Glared at my clock.

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say?
That’s nice…

You receive $500 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
Get the oil leak on my Blazer fixed and pay a few bills.

Where will you be in an hour?
Either out in the yard filling up the bird feeders or getting something to eat. I’m getting hungry.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted?
He’s my BFF, my brother and my hetero-sexual life mate, the Jay to my Silent Bob.

Who do you hate?
No one really. Hate is a wasted emotion.

Is anything bothering you right now?
Many things…

What do you think about math?
I don’t know. I’m good at it and it’s an important thing to know. No real thoughts though. They just don’t seem to add up. (Lame, I know, but I’m trying!)

Whats irritating you right now?
Life and the world we live in.

How is your mood?
Not bad and starting to get better. Mayber doing this survey and the writing stuff was what I needed. I still want to be alone today, but I might be able to make a productive time out of it. We’ll see.

What time is it?
10:41am

Where’s your phone?
One of them (I have two) is sitting here on my desk, immediately to my left. The other is in my Blazer. I forgot to bring it in last night. I was tired… lol

Who was your last text from?
Haven’t I answered this like three times already? It was President Trump. He called me to tell me what a great and wonderful person I am.

Why did you last cry?
Because I get depressed, moody and I’m losing my freakin’ mind.

In the past week have you cried?
Yeah…

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Sort of, but only for the sex…

How tall would you prefer the person you’re dating be?
Doesn’t really matter. I’ve dated taller and I’ve dated shorter and it depends on the person and not their height.

What are your initials?
DAM

Do you call it sitting “criss-cross” or ” Indian-style”?
Neither really. It’s just “sitting” to me.

Who do you like?
Several people.

How many people have you liked in the past 8 months?
I’ve got lust-crushes on a couple of folks…

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
Yes…

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold?
Being hot… I can handle cold, but hot kills me…

How many cell phones have you had in your life?
Three – maybe 4…

What’s your middle name?
Alan

Are you happy with the way things are going?
Nope, but that’s the way life goes. You change what you can and make the best of the rest.

And there you go. Survey done and a little talk about Mr. Rogers is done and with that, for today anyhow, I’m done. I know that this series has been a bit on the lame side so far, but it will get better. Lord, I hope so anyhow. Thank you for reading and now, I’m going to go put clothes in the dryer and get some breakfast. See you tomorrow.

Ubuntu!