Just When I’ve Seen It All…
May 14, 2017

Over the many years I’ve worked with the public, I have seen many strange and wonderful things. I have also seen many disgusting, weird and sickening things. I thought I had seen it all, but last night, I witnessed something new. Not wonderful and not really disgusting, but just different.

People are nasty sometimes, especially when it comes to stashing their money. Instead of a wallet or purse, which are, you know, designed to hold money, folks would rather stash it on their bodies and inside crevices that are not designed to be used as storage compartments. I’ve had money handed to me over time that was pulled from inside the shoes (shoe money), tucked inside the underwear or pants (ball-sweat money) and of course, tucked into the bra, all sweaty and soaked by the infamous boob-sweat (boob money). It’s all disgusting and sickening and the reason why we keep a bottle of hand sanitizer at each register for frequent use. It is the most disgusting thing, to be handed a stack of bills being used to pay for a purchase and the money is soaking wet, dripping from the sweat of two giant breast-monsters that have been crammed together. Usually, I’ll just tell them to lay the money on the counter and try to pick it up by the corner, touching as little of the actual bill as possible.

Here’s a word of advice to those people who think it’s okay and a good idea to cram money into their bra… or into their socks… or into their shoes if they don’t happen to be wearing socks… or in their underwear… Don’t freakin’ do it! It’s not okay. It’s disgusting, rude, nasty, sickening and just plain wrong. No one, especially the person standing behind that counter, wants to touch anything, which is already covered in germs and nasty, that has been soaked in your sweat and bodily fluids. Have some respect and common courtesy… PLEASE!

But back to what I was originally talking about. I’ve seen it all, or so I thought anyhow. But last night, there was a new twist to this money storage situation. I was waiting on a woman and she made her purchase and paid for it with money that was in her hands. I didn’t see where she pulled that money from and I honestly didn’t care or want to know. It was extremely busy and we were in full “make the transaction and get the customers out” mode. But then, she asked about an item we had behind the counter and how much it was. It’s only a dollar. So she wants that too. No big deal. I get the item and ring it up and wait for her to hand me some money. She reached up to her head, like she was going to scratch an itch and I saw her fingers go up under her scalp. What the hell? A wig. She’s wearing a wig and she pulls out a dollar from under that wig. Yes, the woman was using the wig on her head as her wallet.

Again… WHAT THE HELL?

We make the transaction and I watch her slide her change, the cash part, back up into her forehead, under the hairline and under the wig. I am completely dumbfounded. I thought I had seen it all, but using her wig, on her head, to hide her money. I guess I should be glad that she wasn’t one of the bra-money persons because she had the big breasts from hell and the body-sweat would have been major, but instead, she just used her head… literally. I guess that’s what they mean by having money “on the mind!”.

And just imagine what kind of critters may be crawling around up there. As if body sweat and body fluids weren’t disgusting enough, now we have to worry about things like lice, dandruff and creepy, crawling critters too. That was just odd and caught me way off guard. Oh vey!

And there you go. My “big story”. Just another fun night of working with the public. It’s many things, but never, ever boring.

I thought it was interesting.

Happy Mother’s Day…

Ubuntu!