Love Stinks!
May 24, 2017

Being single sucks! Especially when it’s late at night and you’re sitting alone, eatling left-over General Tso’s chicken and baked beans, watching sappy love story movies on the computer and thinking to yourself, “why can’t this be me?”. That’s the question, isn’t it? Why do everyone around me seem to have someone in their lives, who they love and loves them back, who they can talk to and share with and just be together and it feels “right”. Everyone, but me. I know I’m not all that. But I would hope that someone could see past the cover and see what lies inside. See the humor, the passion, the caring and work their way through the walls to see the love that’s there, waiting to be shared. But no one gets it and I don’t get to share it and I’m all alone. Just me and my cat.

Sometimes I sit here at night and wonder what it would be like to actually have someone here, a man I could snuggle up to on the couch, make conversation with with only looks and expressions, words not needed. Someone who loves and appreciates me for me and not for what I can do for them. It’s just a pipe-dream fantasy, like honest politicians and “the customer is always right.” True love and someone who I can truly be with, give myself to and actually be my real and true self, it just doesn’t exist.

There have been a few times where I thought it was all real, but as I quickly learned, although generally not quickly enough, that people lie. People are assholes. Just because they’re there doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re really there. It’s just a way to get a place to stay or a ride or convenient sex or, just fill in the blank. They might be sincere for the moment, as it suits their needs, but when it gets too inconvenient or something else comes along, they bail. And I remain alone… all alone.

This is such a “woe is me” thing here. I know that unless I truly just put myself out there, meet people and let the chips fall where they may, I’ll never find that right guy that I can love, be love and truly call my own. I also know that so long as I let people control me and control my life, my family & friends, I’ll never find that right guy. But let’s be honest here. I have responsibilities and obligations. I love my friends and family and what they say and think matter to me and the intentions are good. At least I hope so. Love is just a myth and fantasy. It’s not real. And finding it, finding a man I can hold, honor, respect and truly be who I am with, with all the good and bad, isn’t going to happen. I’ll be alone until I die.

Damn, I hate watching these movies late at night. I know better. I think I want to cry. At least though, I know how to properly use “there”, “they’re” and “their”. That has to count for something, right?

Ubuntu!