Tossing Salt Presents:
Facebook Q&A
June 1, 2017

One of the great things about social media is the wide variety of people you can meet and talk to, people that in the old days where human contact was required, would never have crossed your path in life. And people are, by nature, inquisitive, aka nosy as hell. They want to know everything about the people they talk to and tend to ask all sorts of questions. Well, at least the people I associate with via the Facebook groups, do. And what I’m doing here is taking a few of the questions I’ve seen over the past couple of days, via posts and memes, and I’m going to do my best to answer them. “Why?”, you ask. Because that’s what I do. I’m Doug and these questions, of which I will attempt to answer, come from my news feed on Facebook and from the timeline of a group, of which I am a member, that shall remain nameless. Let’s do this, shall we?

If someone unintentionally hurt you, would it be selfish or uncouth to stop talking to them without telling them why?

Tell them why and give them a chance to explain. Most likely, it wasn’t intentional and why ruin a relationship over something that we all do from time to time, speak without thinking and acting without thought of the consequences. That’s just wrong and dumb as fuck. If it wasn’t intentional, as you said, then it was a mistake and to be childish and end things over a mistake, without giving the other person a chance to make it right or at least apologize, is just wrong.

How do you reply to an “I miss you” text from someone you don’t miss?

Either don’t reply or say, “That’s nice” and leave it at that.

What would you do if your best friend told you that they only laugh out of sympathy whenever you make jokes?

Probably tell more jokes. If they’re my best friend, they are there for more than my great skill at being funny. I know I’m not Bill Cosby. I don’t drug women with jello pops and tell them to say hello to Fat Albert… Hey Hey Hey! My best friend loves my jokes and if he was to say something like that, I’d probably just make a crack about his ex or his penis and we’d move on… cause that’s how we roll..

After a couple dates, the person you’re dating invites you to their place. Let’s say you both have a mutual attraction and connection.
At their place, you see pictures of yourself from social media in frames plastered all over their walls, what do you do?

Either just shrug and know that this guy is a special kind of crazy, but I like it so what the hell… go for it. Or take him to my place and show him my photo collection and see how he reacts. Either would work for me.

Four words after bad sex?

There is no such thing as “bad sex”. It’s just like pizza or Chinese food. Some is better than other, but no one is going to say no or turn it down. But if the experience was on the lesser side of things, like say perhaps his name was “Chris” and he had this great equipment, but no skill in using it properly, not that I know anyone like that, but just pretend. I’d say, “Your brother was better.” And the bad thing is, that he was.

Name something you want after sex?

Depending upon the person, either to cuddle and go to sleep or for them to go home.

Has anyone ever wondered how different things would be if you disappeared?

I have wondered that. Some things for others would be better, but some people would be far worse off. Aw, who the hell am I kidding? No one would give a fuck or care and it’d be “life goes on – business as usual”. It might inconvenience a few people for a couple of days, but that’s about it.

Bernie Sanders? Yay or Nay?

A professional politician who has never worked in the real world or held a real job. He’s an agitator to the highest degree and a third-rate Senator at best who firmly embraces the ideas of socialism where hard work is rewarded by taking away from the ones who are successful and redistributing the results of their efforts to make sure that the ones who are too lazy and have no ambition are rewarded instead. We live in an largely entitlement society where everyone thinks that the world owes them everything and they deserve a free ride on everything rather than having to work for and earn it. It’s largely in part because of people like Sanders. So I would say, “Nay!”. But he’s still a thousand times better than Hillary Clinton though.

If you could rid the earth of one thing, what would it be?

Prejudice. Hating someone because they have a different skin tone or religion or sexual orientation or gender is just plain stupid as hell and makes no sense. If you want to hate a person, have a good reason like because they’re an asshole. That really should be all that matters. The rest of it is just labels and reeks of ignorance.

Is it rude to look at someone and start singing “If You Only Had A Brain” at them?

Probably, but do it anyway. Public singing is always fun and maybe you can a flash-mob sing-a-long.

If you could hang out with a famous actor or actress for one day, who would it be?

There are so many I can think of for different reasons, but based on what I’ve been reading today, I think I’ll go with entertainer / director Chi Chi Larue. Don’t know who that is? Look them up. It’d be a wild day where I no doubt would see and experience many things. It’d be a blast. Kevin Smith would be cool too, but Chi Chi would, at least right now, be my top pick.

And there you go. This was fun, in a weird sort of way. I’ll have to do it again sometime. Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you later, Alligator. Have a great one.

Ubuntu!