Things We Don’t Talk About
July 11, 2017
DougMaynard.com

When I decided to start this site, I pretty much figured it’d be an “anything goes” and “nothing is off limits” type of place. That was the plan and for the most part, that’s the way I do things here. What you see is what you get. I’m politically incorrect, I don’t play the games or mince words and sarcasm is my friend. But there are some things, some topics, that even I won’t talk about here. Maybe it’s too political and will get me in trouble. Maybe it’s just too crude. Maybe some people will end up whining and crying and be all butt-hurt because I’m being too real for their tender little feelings. Whatever the reason, there are some things that even I won’t touch.

And what are these things, these sensitive topics that are off limits, even here at the site? Well, I’ve decided to do a list and tell you exactly what these topics are. And I won’t go into any detail about why they’re off limits (probably) or maybe I will (more likely), but whatever. So no one can say that I’m blatantly ripping off David Letterman, even though I am (and he admits that he ripped this off from TV Guide anyhow), it’s NOT a “Top Ten” list. It’s a “Top 5” list. Now, time is wasting and I wish I had some biscuits and gravy for breakfast. It’s 7:30am and I’m hungry…

Top Five Things We Do NOT Talk About At DougMaynard.com

5. Boobs

Listen, I know it’s hot out there and the women are trying to dress as comfortably as possible, but I don’t need to see massive, giant boobs in my face every time I turn around. I know that most men love to see as much breast as possible and it drives them crazy, but I’m not most men. A little cleavage is nice and looks sexy. When there are two monstrosities the size of watermelons hanging out all over the place, sweaty and plopped down on my counter at work screaming “look at me”, I don’t want to see that. It’s gross and a little scary. Well, unless you’re a sexy guy with a little hair, big brown nipples and that “goody trail” leading down to… you get the point. Some men want to see all the boob they can. I don’t. Be comfortable and confident, but have some self respect too.

4. Local Politics

There are so many things going on in the local political scene, but I’m not going to get into all of that. The last time I did, when we had two men opposing each other for the role of chief local law enforcement officer, a race between a good man that I’m proud to know and have a great deal of respect for and a weasel of an elected official that could make cars appear out of nowhere, operated a slush fund to help pay for parties and support his wife’s business, blatantly lied to me to my face twice and who generally sucked at his job, I was taken to the tool shed. And now that we have controversy going on about the City Council being at odds with the Mayor and 99% of the local community about the construction of a new City Hall, that would cost the taxpayers at least ten million dollars and probably much more, I’m not getting in on all of that. The City Council is wrong and this is a bad idea in so many ways. It would be a bad idea to waste that kind of money even if our region was doing well, but Laurinburg is not. Highest unemployment in the state. Highest property taxes in the state. So many empty buildings and run down areas. Crime is rampant and the City Council thinks that the best solution to solving the woes of Laurinburg and Scotland County is to build a new police station / City Hall. What are they smoking? And to top it off, they want to destroy the “Barrett Building”, the former home built in the late 1920’s I believe, that was renovated and now serves as the City Hall, to build their new palace. Why? That place is in great shape, an amazing old house, and truthfully, I have many great personal memories of that place when it served as the Manse and a friend of mine was living there. I won’t even go into all of that, but if I did…

3. Cell Phones

They’re a necessary evil and I get that, but people and their cell phones are ridiculous. They talk on and text while driving. Excuse me, but whatever conversation you’re having is not that damn important. Pay attention to the road and the traffic and people around you. If it is that important, pull over to the side of the road and finish your conversation first before resuming driving. My life isn’t worth your conversation about absolutely nothing. And when a person walks into a business, hang the phone up and put it away. No one wants to hear about what “Bae” did and what you’re having for dinner. Have respect for others. And while you’re getting waited on in a business, put the phone away. While we’re assisting you, we should have your full and undivided attention for those few moments. Anything else is impolite, rude and just plain common as hell. I could go on and on about this, but the people that need to hear it won’t realize it’s about them and don’t give a damn anyhow. Cell phones. People have forgotten how to interact with other people in real time and real conversations anymore and I blame the phones… And their parents. Now you understand why I don’t talk about this.

2. Kids Today Are Dumb!

Kids today come out of school and they can’t spell. They can’t write cursive. They can’t speak proper English. They can’t do simple math like adding, subtracting, etc, without a calculator. They can’t even tell you who their local leaders are such as the Mayor, Congressman, Senator or Vice – President. Yes, they can work a computer or a cell phone, but simple, basic things like figuring out a 15% tip without a calculator or making a resume or even properly writing a letter are beyond comprehension. Ask about the Civil War or World War II and you just get blank looks and expressions. People, mostly the younger generation, are DUMB! They might be computer smart, but when it comes to common sense and basic intelligence, all we have are a bunch of illiterate sheep. I blame the schools, I blame the politicians and I blame the parents, who generally are just kids themselves and didn’t have the proper upbringing or teachings. I see it every day and it annoys the piss out of me every day, but what can a person do? If we ever lose our computers, the modern world is over. One good EMP blast and our nation is f*cked. A nice thought, right? You’re welcome. Now you see why I won’t talk about this.

And finally…

1. McDonalds

The food sucks. The service sucks, especially here in our local Laurinburg store. And they’re the only restaurant open 24 hours around here that doesn’t have “House” at the end of their name. I do like the McChicken sandwiches though. They put on too much mayo though. I don’t want that creepy ass clown stalking me though. That’s why I don’t talk about them.

And there you go. Those are the topics that you will never, ever see spoken of here at my site. There is just no real reason to do so. They’re lost causes and why fight a losing battle, right?

Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Just kidding. This is my site and my world. Nothing is off limits and nothing is sacred. I am Dougie – hear me roar! And I have to go get ready for work or else I would really cut loose on a few of the things that need to be addressed. We’ll get to them eventually. Thank you for reading. Thoughts, comments and any other replies are welcome and appreciated. I have to go. Damn, where did the morning go.

Have a great one.

Ubuntu!