Facebook Q&A
August 6, 2017
DougMaynard.com

There are some strange people on Facebook. I should know, after all I’m one of them. And some of the questions that these people ask are pretty strange too. That’s what makes them fun. What I’ve done is assembled several of the questions I’ve seen on my Facebook timeline, from various groups and persons, and I’m just going to run through them and give my best answer. “Why?”, you ask. Because it’s what I do… and it’s fun. I’m all about the fun… and the fuzzy handcuffs, but that’s a story for another day. Let’s just do this and see what kind of craziness we’ve got going on. Woo-hoo!

What’s your favorite movie, favorite character, or favorite anything from Star Wars?

My favorite movie was the original, first “Star Wars”, not so much for the movie, but the memory of being a young kid and my Dad taking me to see it in the movie theater. That was definitely not his kind of movie, but he went there for me and it was one of the few times I can remember us doing something like that together. So the first movie is special to me for that reason. My favorite character was Chewbacca. I have a thing about hairy guys. And my favorite “anything” would be the alien bar scene. Reminds me of a few nights working the third shift back in my Dairy Mart and Kangaroo days. But I think the aliens in the Star Wars bar were better behaved and better looking.

Thoughts on Alice Cooper’s new album, “Paranormal”.

The few tracks I’ve heard so far, I like. I haven’t heard the entire album yet. (SHOCK!) Yes, I know. I’m surprised too. But I’ve ordered it and it should be here later this week and I plan on doing an album review for the site. It’s Alice though and even his bad stuff is usually good so I’m looking forward to it and listening to the new songs. Should be a great time.

What would be your dream wedding?

I used to think it would be inside a wrestling ring during the intermission of a local show, just before the main event. That would be cool. Standing by the lake at St. Andrews surrounded by my friends (both of them), family and the damn ducks would be great too. But as time has passed and I’m getting older, I think just being with the man I love and standing in front of a judge or magistrate would work for me. Well, so long as they’re not serving any outstanding warrants on me at the time.

Would you rather be a famous singer, actor, writer or politician?

Well, I love to sing and used to have a voice, but I hate crowds and people. Actor is good, but I can’t act for shit. Politicians are generally sleazebags and there’s that whole “crowds and people” thing going on again so that rules that out. I guess that “writer” is the way to go.

Have you ever gone on a cruise and would you like to?

I’ve never been on one, but would love to try and do it at least once. That would be awesome.

What is the strangest food you’ve ever eaten?

I have had many strange things in my mouth over the years, but enough about your boyfriend. Oh, he’s your husband now? My bad! Two things come to mind. One was squid, which was served to me by a friend, Wakana, as revenge for some spicy hot chili I had made for her a few weeks earlier. It was actually okay, until I found out what it was and then I kind of freaked. And the other thing was was slim jim things that a salesman gave me once that instead of the usual beef or pork, were made of alligator and buffalo. That was… interesting.

What are the best and worst jobs you’ve ever had?

I’ve had some great jobs and it’s hard to pick just one. Dairy Mart was my home for over ten years and the job was okay, but the people I worked with made it special. That whole store was special and just one amazing experience after another. Managing the Sweepstakes place a few years ago was really cool. I had no idea what I was doing, but I learned and made great money while meeting so many incredible new people. Managing the Dairy Mart in Wilmington was an experience I’ll never forget. I met some of the greatest people and friends I’ve ever had. And my current job right now, at the ABC Store, is where I have been working towards for the past thirty years. The people are among the best I’ve ever worked with and it’s just right. As for the worst, I’ll give that distinction to the Servco store in Laurinburg. I worked there for a little over a year and while the store itself was okay, the manager was pure hell. She was the most hateful and spiteful woman I have ever met in my life and her attitude rubbed off on and affected everyone in the store. The day I was fired, and I’m still not even sure why to be honest – the woman didn’t like me and I didn’t like her and when she told me that I was “suspended”, I didn’t even ask for an explanation. I just got the hell out of dodge, filled with relief and glee. Yeah, she was that bad. So Dairy Mart will get nods for the best and Servco (all due to the manager) ranks as the worst.

Are you racist?

I don’t think so. I judge people and I admit that. I judge them on behavior, attitude, personality or lack of, manners, political views, odor, appearance and pretty much everything else under the sun. I’m a writer – I observe and watch and listen and form an opinion. That’s what we do. But does skin color have anything to do with it? Nope. If a person acts cool, they’re cool. If a person is an ass, they’re an ass. That’s the bottom line and the only thing that really matters. The stuff I look at are all things that can be controlled and changed and have an effect towards the way we interact. Skin color is something that can not be controlled and doesn’t (and shouldn’t) matter in any way, shape or form. It’s just a cover to the book and means nothing. It’s the content that matters, that will be judged and is all that matters. And that’s the bottom line.

Do animals have souls?

All you have to do is look into the eyes of a dog or cat and you have your answer. A definite yes…

What’s the best car you’ve ever had? What is your dream car?

The most reliable car I ever had was a Ford Taurus station wagon that I drove for nearly ten years before my Mom decided to total it in a wreck. But my favorites were a 1987 Nissan Pathfinder pick-up, named “The Reaper”, which was the first (and to date, the only) brand new car I’ve ever bought and a green 1972 Volkswagen Bug I had when I first got out of high school. That little car was awesome and had so much personality. It was also schitzo and it thought it was a 4-wheel drive instead of a Bug. So many dirt roads and fields. My dream car would be a 1972 Volkswagen Convertible, custom made. I’d want other cars for my day to day activities and life, but I’d want that Bug to do the “Sunday rides” and show off in though.

If you could put together a super music group, who would be in your band?

Well, we’d need a singer or two, a bassist, a guitarist or two and a drummer. So how about vocals by Steven Tyler (of Aerosmith) and Ann Wilson (of Heart). Let’s stick Paul McCartney on the bass, Dweezil Zappa, Slash and Joe Perry all sharing guitar duties and Tommy Lee on the drums. So we’ve got a mixture of Aerosmith, Heart, The Beatles, Motley Crue, Guns & Roses and a Zappa. Just imagine the music this group could make together. Pull Willie Nelson and Alice Cooper on song writing detail and Rick Rubin and Jimmy Iovine as the producers. I smell a helluva lot of hits.

You’re a witch and told to create a magic potion for happiness, what would the ingredients be?

Hair from a puppy, the tears of joy from a small child reunited with their parent after a long separation, a baby’s laughter, sweat from a hard day’s work, the look from a cat when she’s laying in your arms purring, Chinese food late at night, a movie watched with a best friend, a birthday card, a lightning bug and a Bobby McFerrin CD. And there you go…

And I’m stopping here. I have many more questions, but that’s enough for today. Comments, thoughts and questions are welcome and appreciated. Give me some feedback Peeps! Have a great one and I’ll catch you on other side. I’ll be back! Love ya – mean it!

Ubuntu!