Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #86
Random Twitter Q&A
May 28, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

If you could wake up tomorrow with one physical change, what would it be?

Truthfully, I’d have my right leg and foot back. Damn, those doctors wouldn’t even let me keep it in a jar to take home, those bastards. But seriously though, it would be so much easier in life. And if that’s not possible, how about just slightly less of a belly? I’m big and sexy, but I do need to lose a few pounds. I admit it.

What movie blew your mind when you first saw it?

Avengers: Endgame. I saw it in the theater the first time and the reactions of the crowd in the theater added so much. The movie got a standing ovation at the end and the enthusiasm was contagious.

Who is your favorite MLB player of all time?

I rarely watch baseball, but let’s go with Pete Rose. He belongs in the Hall of Fame and the fact that he’s not there already is criminal and stupid.

Name something that you shouldn’t do naked.

Mow the grass. The neighbors would probably call the law on me.

Why does my bank want me to fill out a survey about my “customer experience” every time I make a deposit?

Because banks want information and feedback as to how better to screw you over while making you like it and squeal like a pig. Those bastards!

Why do we need political parties?

That’s a good question and I have no answers. All the politicians are liars, crooks, and absolute pieces of shit. ‘Nuff said!

Do you hold the door for people?

I was taught to have manners, so yes.

What demotivates you and what helps you regain motivation after you lose it?

What demotivates me is myself and my realizing that whatever it is I’m doing doesn’t matter to anyone but myself and is a total waste of time. And what remotivates me is that I realize that I”m doing it all for myself and I like what I’m doing so that’s really all that matters.

How come all the viruses come from China?

That’s not true. Some come from Area 51 as well, for those who don’t like Chinese food and the assorted flavors of cats.

What’s the most romantic word you know in Spanish?

Adios, which of course means Goodbye.

Who is the greatest Cop of all time?

How about Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry? He didn’t even need to carry a gun.

Men: thoughts on polyamory marriages (2 females, 1 male) potentially being the solution to cheating?

It means you get to have regular threesomes. Big freaking deal. People will still cheat because we’re people and that’s what they do. And why is it two females? Why isn’t it two males? Sounds homophobic to me. Anyone who supports polyamory and other related mental illnesses and fake definitions is a homophobe. Those bastards!

There is a lot to love about summer! What is one thing about summer you can do without?

The humidity and sweaty, draining, heat. It sucks! And mosquitos. I hate those little bastards!

What movie do you love to watch just for the music?

I love musicals so it’s hard to pick just one. My top movies that are full of great music are Jesus Christ Superstar, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Commitments, Rent!, and Hairspray.

Would you rather go back and see Led Zeppelin live or Jimi Hendrix live?

Of the two, I’d probably pick Led Zeppelin. I like more of their music than the Hendrix stuff.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap this up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!