Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #90
Random Twitter Q&A
May 30, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What is a smell that instantly takes you back to your childhood?

A blend of Comet and Clorox, just a cool, clean smell mixed with the heavy iron in the water that my Grandma’s house in Ohio smelled like. It’s distinct, but just a clean smell, and if I smell Comet, it kind of brings that back.

What wakes you up in the morning?

That heavy weight on my kidneys saying that it’s time to pee.

Who is the greatest Doctor of all time?

The Ruler of the nation of Latveria, Dr. Victor Von Doom. And in the world of music, the greatest live band of all time, Dr. Hook. They belong in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Just saying.

Oatmeal or grits?

Oatmeal, with a touch of brown sugar added for extra flavor. I’m not a big fan of the grits.

What is the weirdest smell you’ve ever smelled?

The smell of death. If you have ever smelled it, you know what I mean. It’s an odor you’ll never forget.

Where do you think Donald’s ‘Presidential library” should be built?

I would say New York just to piss everyone off, but most likely, Florida.

Who is the greatest game show host of all time?

The host of Match Game, Mr. Gene Rayburn.

Are men better looking with or without facial hair?

That’s a tough call because some men look better with baby faces while others look hot with stubble or a full beard. It just depends on the guy. I prefer the stubble myself, but that’s just a personal preference. Either works depending on the guy.

What’s the dumbest elective surgery?

Women have their breasts removed and guys have their penis cut off. There is no sane reason for either of those things to happen.

What color are your kitchen cabinets? If wood stain, what shade?

Most of the cabinets are dark green. Ma got bored one day.

Is it better to pour the ketchup on your fries or to dip them?

I’m more of a dipper. I like to use my hands to eat.

How often do you visit the bookstore or buy books online?

It’s been several years since I’ve visited a bookstore because, to be honest, no one around here reads. The illiteracy rate is crazy and everyone is too busy on their phones or computers and the art of reading a real book is nearly dead. If we did have a bookstore around here, I’d be broke because I’d be buying books every day. Online, if I find something I’m interested in, I’ll order it, but I prefer the old style of shopping. I don’t buy books often as I already have so many here at the house, but that’s more because of my shopping options than anything else.

Would you date you?

Probably not. I’m too weird. I’d just use me for the great, incredible sexual encounters and then move on to someone I’m more compatible with.

What’s the worst name for an amusement park?

Blood & Guts.

Would you rather be unable to move your body every time it rains or not be able to stop moving while the sun is out?

Be either a hyperactive freak in the sun or an immobile zombie corpse when it rains. It doesn’t rain all that much around here so I’ll go with the moisture-induced comas.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!