Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #92
Random Twitter Q&A
May 31, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Would you wear a chicken costume to work for a week for $15,000?

My boss-man probably wouldn’t approve, but he’s used to weird stuff from me so I doubt it’d be a big deal. Hell to the yeah! Just don’t ask me for a leg. Inside joke there, and if you know, you know. If it was good enough for Burt Reynolds in the movie Stoker Ace, it’s cool enough for me.

Where’s one place you’re dying to visit?

I don’t know about dying, but I would love to visit my Grandma’s old house in South Point, Ohio. A trip to Castle Dracula in Romania would be cool too.

A woman at work yesterday was wearing a shirt that said “Proud, Black and Beautiful”. Do you think it would be ok if I wore one that said ” Proud, White and Beautiful “?

No, I can’t do that. Although I am a sexy beast to be sure, “Beautiful” wouldn’t be a good description. And besides, if someone who isn’t a person of color acts proud of their race, they’re racist. I’ve already been called homophobic and transphobic this week, and probably racist as well, but why push it?

What could you give a 30-minute speech on with no preparation?

Wrestling, comics, sex, customer service, or bad movies. Just bring it. I’m ready.

What is your favorite type of omelet?

Add sausage, ham, or any kind of meat and I’ll make it work.

What’s your most controversial opinion?

None of my opinions are controversial. They’re just right and people can’t handle the truth.

Is freedom more important than safety?

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing ain’t nothing if it’s not free. Safety is when we’re controlled and restricted “for our own good”. That’s never a good thing. I’d rather be free and make my own decisions than be told what I can or can’t do, for the greater good. Fuck that!

Do you have any friends from twenty years ago?

The majority of my friends are from twenty years ago or more. I’m like the Mafia and once you’re part of my world, you’re here forever.

Tina Turner or Janis Joplin?

Both are legends and the best of the best, but Tina had a longer career and was able to influence more people with her music, so I’ll just say that the title of one of Tina’s biggest hits answers this question. Joplin was amazing, but Tina is, and will always be, Simply the Best.

Kevin Costner is not available, who is the greatest Kevin of all time?

Actor, writer, director, and Podcaster Kevin Smith. Who else could it be?

Would you rather have everyone you know to be able to read your thoughts or for everyone you know to have access to your Internet history?

Probably my internet history. They would know I’m a perv and kind of twisted, but most of that can be written off with the excuse that I’m a writer. My thoughts though? I wouldn’t have any friends left. Everyone would be either pissed off, freaked out, or disgusted. Well, a few might get turned on, but still. Yeah, the internet stuff.

If aliens were to visit us right now, what’s one thing we’ve chosen to do as a society (that feels relatively simple or obvious) that would be super hard to explain?

Trying to explain our “leaders” and why the most corrupt and worst of us are in charge would be a hell of a task.

What is a woman?

How the hell do I know? I’m not a doctor or biologist.

Who was the first Band or singer you saw in concert?

My first live concert was Charlie Rich, with Willie Nelson as the opening act.

What’s your favorite Yo’ Mama joke?

Yo mama’s so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap this up. Take care and be well, my friends. I see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!