Tossing Salt Presents:
Would You Rather:
Tough Decisions #4
June 8, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Our world is full of decisions that need to be made. Over in the land of Tweets, a lovely lady named Samantha decided to ask a few amazing questions where a choice needs to be made. It looks pretty cool and I decided to take a chance and make a call. This or that? Let’s find out.

Would You Rather?

Wear a dress every day, Or shave All body hair forever?

While I do have a few fuzzy spots, I don’t really have much hair except for on the top of my head and I need to keep that. I tried the bald look once. It’s not for me. Trust me on that. So even though I am a Cis-Male and am not a transgender or transvestite, and even though I’m pretty damn creepy in drag, I’d have to go for the dress.

Be an Oompa Loompa, Or Turn into a Gargoyle?

If I was an Oompa Loompa, my entire life would be of working, being condescending, and singing odd little songs with my friends. Honestl;y, that doesn’t sound all that bad. But a Gargoyle, if my research is correct, could be cool too, especially at this stage of my life. It’s a tough call. I think I’ll go with the asshole Loompa, I mean Oompa Loompa. Singing songs and saying “I told you so!” would be fun.

Lick the bottom of a dirty shoe, Or a stinky hair armpit?

I’m actually kind of into the whole pit thing. It’s a gay man thing and hairy pits are kind of hot. I like feet too, but not nasty ass shoes. Take me to pit city.

Lick a monkey’s armpit Or the bottom of a pig’s foot!

Both of these are repulsive. I like to get freaky sometimes, but monkeys and pigs just don’t do it for me. But hell, I’ve done worse. (Insert joke about exes here!) I guess the monkey so we could get it over with faster.

Lick a dog’s slobber, Or eat your boogers?

I think I’m going to puke. These things are making me queasy in my tummy. Bleh! Let’s go with the boogers. Everyone ate them as a kid and hell, they’re mine. Yeah, let’s go with that.

Raining every day for the rest of your life, Or sunlight 24 hours a day?

Rain makes me depressed, moody, and a sad panda. I’m not a big proponent of sunlight either, but I’d rather deal with that than constant rain.

Forget everything that’s happened in the past 10 years Or Never eat meat again?

The majority of the past ten years have been kind of rough and except for my bro, his incredible partner in love, and those amazing kids, what is there worth remembering? I like my meat so do the memory-erasing spell. I’ll be okay.

Wear your clothes backward for the rest of your life. Or wear your shoes with no socks forever?

Since I have no desire to be a member of the group Kriss Kross, I’ll go with the shoe thing. I only have one foot and my other foot is messed up so most socks won’t fit easily, it’s not that big of a deal.

Wear two left shoes for the rest of your life Or Only be able to eat with chopsticks?

I can put a left shoe on my prosthetic and a regular shoe on my left foot and I’d be good. Chopsticks are cool, but I like soups and chili and stuff like that, and using chopsticks wouldn’t work well for those foods. Give me the shoes.

Have excessively long nose hair, Or Smell like gasoline for the rest of your life?

Give me the long nose hair. I know how to use tweezers and pluck them out each morning as needed. The gas smell would have me high and buzzing all the time and I’d be afraid to be around anyone smoking. Yeah, just make me a typical old man with nose hairs and bushy eyebrows. I’ll be okay.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Soda Shop.

Ubuntu!