Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #109
Random Twitter Q&A
June 22, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

If you were forced to get a tattoo today, what would you get?

I’m actually wanting to get a tattoo right now and you can’t force the willing. As for what my tattoo would be, probably the symbol for the Four Horsemen, the greatest faction in pro wrestling history. Either that or Marvin Martian. I’m flexible.

What’s the matter with kids today?

It would take too long for me to answer that so I’ll just let Paul Lynde, in this classic scene from the movie Bye Bye Birdie, do it for me.

What level of butter do you like on your popcorn?

I’m not much of a butter guy. Just a small dash of salt and I’m happy.

What’s the funniest horror film?

The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hey, it even says Horror in the title so it counts. I love that movie.

Which song will be played at your funeral?

To be honest, I’ve never really given it much thought, but I would hope for three songs. Something by Alice Cooper, something by Waylon Jennings, and top it off with this classic by Mr. Frank Sinatra.

What’s one lesson you’ll never forget that your father taught you?

Actions have consequences. I won’t go into the story here, but it was an eye-opener for sure and translated to today’s terminology, it’s fuck up and find out.

Would you rather pump your own gas or someone else for you?

I’d rather pump my own. I don’t like waiting around for other people to do something I can do myself. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Tell me a George Clooney movie that you love.

Return of the Killer Tomatoes. It was early in his career, cheezy as hell, and Clooney was really good in it.

Who is the greatest writer of all time?

Me, me, me, me, and me. And if not me, then either Hugh Prather, author of “Notes to Myself”, or the author of the Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice.

What Fictional Car would you drive around as your daily vehicle?

The Batmobile from the 60s television series. Either that or Herbie the Love Bug. I’d be happy with either of them.

Are roundabouts stupid?

Yes, they are. People around here can’t drive well as it is, and then throw in a circle and they’re totally lost and confused. I don’t like them.

Ever just want to run away and start all over?

Almost every day of my life.

If you were offered the job as President, would you accept?

No, I would not. I love our country and getting it back in shape will take someone far more intelligent and who has their shit together than me. Besides, I don’t like crowds, public speaking, or playing with others and I’m not politically correct in the slightest. I’d be impeached or assassinated before I was even sworn into office.

What kind of crackers are in your house right now?

Right now, just my Mom & I.

Who was the greatest explorer of all time?

That annoying little creepy girl who hangs out with the monkey.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap it up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the shark tank.

Ubuntu!