Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #111
Random Twitter Q&A
June 22, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Apart from the cover, what else do you look for in a book that makes your decision to buy it or not?

The author, the subject matter, and if it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my tum-tum.

Where would you want to spend every second of your time?

In the arms of a guy who actually gives a damn about me for me and not what I can or can’t do for him. I’m lonely.

What landed you in the principal’s office?

Many things, but the most frequent reason was that teachers thought I was disrespectful because I questioned them and didn’t follow blindly like a sheep when they were wrong. Yeah, I questioned authority. Go figure.

Steven Tyler OR Jim Morrison?

It’s a tough call, but without Jim Morrison, I doubt we would have had a Steven Tyler, so let’s go with the guy from The Doors.

Describe Dr. Jill Biden in ONE word:

Well, let’s start off with that she’s not a Doctor. She’s a teacher. She’s also a woman who hooked up with a married man so she’s a Jezebel. But only one word? Let’s suffice it with “Fake!”.

What’s your dream vacation destination?

A small island, somewhere with plenty of food, drink, and internet, but no people. Isolated and alone for about four or five months. And if that’s not possible, then up North to CT to see Brent & his family.

What product will you always buy no matter how much it is?

Gasoline. I need it to keep my truck going and moving. And fuck Joe Biden and his electric cars. I like my vehicle the way it is.

Do you agree Tucker Carlson would make a better president than Joe Biden?

A bag of rat feces would make a better President than Biden. Tucker? He wouldn’t be my first choice or even my twentieth, but he’d be better than the Pedo In Chief currently there.

Who do you think is the biggest idiot on the face of the planet?

It’s hard to say because I work with the public and every time I see someone who’s a total moron and I don’t think it can get any stupider than that person, someone else will come along and prove me wrong. It’s almost like it’s a challenge or something. So the biggest idiot? I don’t think I’ve met them yet, but they’ll probably come into the store this upcoming weekend.

What is your favorite painting?

The one with the dogs playing poker. It’s a classic.

When was the last time you stood on a roof?

It’s been a few years ago. I don’t do heights or ladders very well anymore. But this was over at a local church and I was hanging out with the son of a preacher man. You’ve heard the song, no doubt. You can figure out the rest.

When did you realize adults did hard drugs?

I realized this when I first started paying attention and noticing things. I wasn’t quite an adult yet, but most of my friends at the time were and I witnessed stuff. Oy vey!

What was your very first job?

My first official job was when I was 14 and went to visit my dad for the summer in Hillsborough, NC. He was friends with a couple who ran a BBQ Restaurant, Eno Bar-BQ, and they gave me a job as a dishwasher. I later evolved to cook, waiter, and anything else that needed to be done. I was only 14, but I was hustling.

Should Mizzy be locked up?

Forget locked up. Someone needs to just go ahead and shoot that idiot! And if you don’t know who Mizzy is, google the name. He’s a moron who makes videos walking into people’s houses, getting in their cars, walking on cars, and just being a general nuisance in the UK. He’s been arrested and warned, but still keeps doing the stupid stuff. I wish he’d come to the United States and try that shit. He’d be dead with the first “prank” and good riddance.

Have you ever cooked a meal for your pet?

Yes, I have many times. Scrambled eggs usually.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Talk to me, my peeps. And with that, let’s wrap this up. Take care and be well, my friends. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you at the lake where the alligators hang out.

Ubuntu!