Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #123
Random Twitter Q&A
July 10, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What is something that you think people are only pretending to like or are deluding themselves into liking?

That brain-dead Peanut Head pedo at the White House. 81,000,000 votes, my ass! No one with any active brain cells at all can honestly think that a child-sniffing clown is doing a good job. They just don’t like Trump and the Sleepy Big Guy was the only alternative available.

Should all businesses be closed nationwide on Sunday?

No, and I’ll tell you why. While I understand and respect the religious arguments for taking off the Sabbath, not all people follow the Christian faith. And also, many people work all week and Sunday is the only day they have to do things like shopping or errands. If the businesses were all closed, what would these people do?

What’s something Amish that you love?

I would say potato salad, but I actually prefer the American version. So what else is there? The work ethic. Those folks don’t play and know how to get things accomplished.

If a rich man is called a “Sugar Daddy” what is a poor man called?

A Splenda-Papi.

What are your top 5 fears?

Being alone when I’m old, heights, crowds, public speaking, and spider-crickets.

What’s a food that everyone likes, but you hate?

Sushi. It’s freakin’ raw fish and vegetables. It’s nasty!

Name a doctor with a questionable medical degree.

How about the so-called First Lady, who uses the title Doctor pretty often, but her doctorate is in education? Her using the title Dr. Jill Biden is just like me using the title, Pastor Doug Maynard. I have the official certification and I’m legally an ordained minister, but I would never pretend to use it seriously and claim the title on my resume and neither should that quack-ass cow.

Do you have good or bad hair?

At this point, I’m just glad that I have hair, but considering how often the barber has told me that I have great hair and complimented me on how thick it is, I’ll go with Good.

Who is the greatest San Diego Padres player of all time?

The San Diego Chicken. ‘Nuff said!

If you could stay at one age forever, what age would that be?

Probably about 33 or so. Old enough to be respected and taken seriously, but young enough to entertain both younger and older men without looking like a creepy Pedo or an absolute pervert.

What phrase do men hate hearing from women?

“Baby, can we talk!”. It’s never good news. Trust me on that.

What is one ‘unwritten rule’ you think everyone should know and follow?

Let’s get all cliched here and go with an oldie, but a goodie. Treat everyone as you’d like to be treated. It’s sappy, but it’s a good rule of life.

Have you ever used cocaine? What should happen if the president’s son is doing cocaine in the White House?

I honestly have not that I’m aware of. I think I did smoke a joint one time that was laced with something, but that was forty years ago and I didn’t like it. My drug of choice has always been alcohol. And as for Hunter Biden, if it’s proven that he was using cocaine in the White House, he should be arrested, charged, and prosecuted, plus banned from the White House, Camp David, and all government facilities.

What could you eat every single day and not get tired of?

Your boyfriend. Okay, I’m kidding. He’s tasty but gets annoying after a few hours. Then it’s time to send him home. So, let’s just go with chicken. It’s finger-licking good.

In one word, what is the biggest destroyer of happiness?

Reality.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. Watch out for wooden nickels and I’ll see you in the dressing room at Walmart. Be good or be good at it. That’s all.

Ubuntu!