Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #130
Random Twitter Q&A
July 16, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Captain Kirk isn’t available, greatest captain of all time?

Former Beach Boy and rock legend Darryl Dragon, aka The Captain of The Captain & Tennille fame.

Would you rather get one free round-trip international plane ticket every year or be able to fly domestically anytime for free?

Domestically. I have friends all across the United States and I would love to see some of them again. International means leaving the U.S. and even though our country is descending into hell, I’d rather be here than dealing with the crazies in other countries.

What is a good movie that takes place in a school?

I’d say Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but the question asks for a “good movie” and while the TV series was awesome, the movie was not so much. How about Porkys? Eighties classics at their best.

You’re making 3 movies. Which directors are you choosing to make them?

I have to pick three directors, one for each movie. Okay, let’s start with Christopher Columbus, who directed the movie version of Rent! and one of the Harry Potter movies. And then the sequel, the second movie, I’d get Tim Burton to handle the director duties. And then we’d bring in Kevin Smith to wrap things up with movie three.

Which athlete would you want to have a drink with?

How about Bruce Jenner, aka Caitlyn Jenner? I’d love to talk about the Olympics where he won gold medals and the making of the movie, Can’t Stop The Music, where he starred with the Village People.

What type of food is your favorite?

Chinese can never be a bad thing. Where is my buffet at?

I don’t even know wtf “padam padam” means. Do I have to turn in my gay card now?

I’ve been gay for forty-five years and I don’t know what it means either, but my Gay Card was revoked many years ago. I tend to think for myself and have common sense, like knowing there are only two genders, that kids shouldn’t be sexualized at all, that the Dems are pieces of shit who stole the election in 2020, that Biden is a pedophile, and if you break into my house, you get shot until you die. So I’m out of the club as well. As for “padam padam”, according to Google, it’s a song by Kylie Minogue, whoever that is. I don’t know or care.

Are there any great, modern bands out there? Starting to feel like the 90s produced the last great acts.

I’m a big fan of Yelawolf, Struggle Jennings, and Jelly Roll, but they’re somewhat unique and wouldn’t count as a standard “band”. I’m sure there are some great modern bands out there, but I can’t think of any. My bad!

What jobs exist because people are selfish?

I’m drawing a blank here. A fluffer on the set of a porn movie? That’s the best I can come up with. My bad!

What’s a song that mentions another band or artist in the lyrics?

How about “Willie, Waylon & Me”, by David Allen Coe? That works.

What qualities do you think make someone authentic?

They are blunt, speak their mind, and are brutally honest. I much prefer that in a person than someone fake and always happy, always positive, etc. That is just make-believe and phony as hell.

How much CC Debt are you in?

I have 0% credit card debt. I got myself straight, paid off all my debts, except a few hospital bills, and my credit is now excellent. It took a long time to get here, but I made it.

Do you believe Bill Gates is a pedophile?

I don’t know if he is or not, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest.

Are you civilized or do you also eat chips directly out of the bag?

I’m a big bag muncher, as it should be.

If 1 Million Dollars showed up at your front door today, would you quit your job tomorrow?

Nope, I wouldn’t. I like my job and the people I work with. I’m there until I am either physically unable to perform my duties or I get too old and die. They’re stuck with me.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and applicants for a good shag are welcome and appreciated. Take care and be well, my friends. Be sure to share, like, and subscribe, and I’ll see you in the Garden section of Walmart.

Ubuntu!