Tossing Salt Presents:
The Ultimate X Q&A #4
Random Questions from X
August 24, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

If you were guaranteed to never get caught, who on Earth would you murder?

I would never advocate for the murder of anyone. Murder is wrong. But for a couple of people, whose names I can not mention here due to an annoying little thing like “pre-determined” and “criminal evidence”, might quietly vanish forever. Accidents happen, right?

What isn’t around anymore that you miss?

Peace of mind and tranquility. I haven’t had either of those in years and it’s getting worse every day.

Happy Gilmore or The Waterboy?

The Waterboy. Mama, played by Kathy Bates, steals the show and makes that movie.

Name an athlete who became an actor.

O.J. Simpson. I loved him in the Naked Gun movies. And hell, his old NFL Commentary partner, Bruce Jenner. He was in the Village People’s movie, Can’t Stop The Music. I guess you can call that acting.

What is the most irritating reply to a text message?

“K”. I hate that shit!

What would you pack for a picnic?

I would go by either KFC or Bojangles and get a box of chicken, some biscuits, and a couple of side dishes. That and a 12-pack are all you really need.

What’s the best staple of a healthy diet?

Do I look like I have a healthy diet? I like food and lots of it. Food is our friend.

Do you know how to write in cursive?

I do. It’s barely readable and looks like it was written by a doctor with the shakes, but it’s cursive and it’s mine.

What is your relationship with disappointment?

It’s here all the time and won’t go away. It is my life and what it has become. I hate this damn place.

Have you ever dug anything older than 150 years up out of the ground?

Not that I can think of. Igor and I only go for the fresh graves.

Would you rather be a contestant on The Weakest Link or Deal or No Deal?

The Weakest Link. I actually kind of like that show. That other one makes no sense to me and the few times I tried to watch it, I was totally bored within minutes.

Did you used to be cooler?

I was never cool. I’ve always been just me, and that was/is more than enough.

Would you have sex on the first date?

Of course, I would. Who does the whole second date thing anymore? Hell, who dates anymore? I’m just there for the booty.

Name a movie character that was misunderstood.

Plato, played by Sal Mineo, in the movie Rebel Without A Cause. That poor kid went through so much stuff and had so many issues. Then he got caught up with James Dean and Natalie Wood and things looked like they might get better, but he was shot and killed instead. A great movie, with a great character, and a tragic ending.

Do you find it weird when men put on chapstick?

No and why should I? No one wants dry and chapped lips.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the beauty parlor.

Ubuntu!