Tossing Salt Presents:
The Ultimate X Q&A #12
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this. By the way, Happy Thanksgiving.

Which celebrity would you choose to exchange lives with?

I can’t really think of anyone that I’d want to switch lives with. Bank accounts, yes, but actual lives? No way. I’m me and I like being me so why would I want to be anyone else?

Do you prefer a buffet or a sit-down dinner at a wedding?

I don’t do formal very well. Give me the buffet, please.

What is your most embarrassing moment from your teenage years?

True story. I was running for the Student Council at my middle school. 8th grade representative. As part of the election process, we had to go around to all of the 8th-grade classes and give a little speech. I was fine and did well until the last class and speech, which happened to be my class, complete with my two best friends at the time. It was my turn to speak and I made the mistake of making eye contact with my buddy. He made a goofy face. And then I looked at my other buddy. He also made a goofy face. And I started laughing and couldn’t speak or give my speech for laughing so much. I just waved to the next person to talk and kept laughing. It was not my finest moment.

What is the best way to make someone understand anything?

Smack them across the head and insist that they shut the hell up and listen. It works for me.

Should Michael Byrd have been charged with killing Ashli Babbitt? Yes or No?

She was unarmed and not a danger to anyone. He gave no warning and just shot her dead in cold blood. So that would be a yes.

What three words best describe you?

Unique, moody, and a sexy-beast.

What type of decor would you follow for your dream house?

I’d just keep it simple with the basics. All I need is clean and to the point. I don’t give a rat’s ass about being fancy.

Which foreign language did you take in School, and how are you speaking it now?

I took two years of Spanish and one year of Latin while still in school. I only know a few words and phrases in Spanish and so far as my Latin goes, I can sing, “Oh Christmas Tree”. That’s about it.

What is the best thing you have to have in your backpack when traveling?

A few shot bottles of liquor, a couple of extra t-shirts, and some personal lubrication, just in case I get lucky.

If you were auditioning for a dance reality show, what type of dance would you do?

I wouldn’t be auditioning because I can’t dance and have the rhythm of a moose in heat, but if I had to audition for a dancing show, it’d be Dancing With The Stars. I can’t dance and I’m not a star, but still, if I had to go for it, I’d want to go as big as possible and DWTS is it.

If you were an Olympic athlete, what sport would you like to compete in?

Beer Pong? Pizza Box Assembly? Kitten racing? Hell, those are the only ones I can think of. They’re Olympic sports, right? If they’re not, then they ought to be.

If you could form your own band, what would you call it?

Headache… because just the idea of it is giving me a headache.

If you could bring back one TV show that was canceled, which one would you bring back?

I know that most of the original cast has passed away now, but a reboot of WKRP in Cincinnati would be awesome. I’d also try and bring back The Gong Show. It had some funny stuff.

Where is your favorite place to go take photos and what time of day would it be?

If I’m taking pictures, it’s usually selfies at work or the doctor’s office. The time of day varies as does my work schedule and the times of my appointments.

If you could only listen to any one music genre forever, what genre would you choose?

Big band and jazz music. Rock, country, pop, etc., are all good, but nothing beats a singer, an orchestra, and a smokey room or bar.

What is the cutest thing you did as a child that your parents still talk about?

I took a bath with my shoes on while singing, “Georgie Girl”. I was three.

Would you prefer to work more hours per day but fewer days per week or fewer hours per day but more days per week?

If I was physically able, I’d love to work more hours, but fewer days. I once worked at a store where I worked 4 ten-hour shifts a week and got three days off. That was great. But that being said, I’m happy to be able to work at all anymore and I can’t go like I used to so I’ll take anything they give me so long as the leg & foot hold out.

If a book you wrote became extremely successful, making you famous, etc, how do you think you could handle it? Remember once famous for many people it is like a drug and you will do anything to maintain that feeling.

If it happened when I was young, I’d probably be stupid, do stupid things, and let the fame control and destroy me. If it happened now, I think I’d be okay and not much in my life would change. I’d probably be annoyed more often and a cranky-ass old man even more than I am now, but that’s not anything major.

If you could choose any person from history to be your partner, who would it be and why?

What kind of partner? Business? Dance? Romantic? Card games? I guess I need a one-name-fits-all-all kind of answer for this one. sighs How about Taylor Lautner? He’s cute and I like wolfy-type guys.

If you could become the brand ambassador for a clothing brand, which one would you choose?

It’s not so much a clothing brand as a distributor, but I think that T-Shirt Hell and I could have a wonderful partnership together.

To create the best band ever, who would you select for lead singer, backup singers, bass and lead guitarist, piano and drum players, wind instrumentist, sound engineer, and manager?

Damn, how many members would this band have? Earth Wind and Fire would probably be jealous of the number of people involved. So let’s do this. My lead singer would be Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. My backup singers would be Dennis & Ray of Dr. Hook, along with Ann Wilson. Bass and Lead Guitar would be Waylon Jennings and Eric Clapton. The piano duties would be split between Jessi Colter & Joshua Kadison, while drums would be the responsibility of Phil Collins. For additional instruments, I’d bring in Paul McCartney as he can play just about anything. Our Sound Engineer/Producer would be Shooter Jennings. And the manager would be Shep Gordon, the long-time manager of Alice Cooper.

Name one actor whose movies you’ll watch simply because they are in them.

Daniel Radcliffe. He’s made several odd movies since the Harry Potter series and I’ve yet to see any bad ones yet. The man has acting skills.

Who do you think has the biggest impact on fashion trends: actors and actresses, musicians, fashion designers, or consumers?

Consumers. They decide what is cool to wear and what looks stupid. The others may influence the decisions, but the final call is what people are willing to buy and spend money on, aka the customers.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at Walmart tomorrow morning for Black Friday.

Ubuntu!