Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
No Daddy, Poopy Head & Self Respect
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Yes, I know. Didn’t I just write a new Day of Dougie a few hours ago? Yes, I did. But now, as I sit here at the house waiting until it’s time to go to my Doctor’s appointment, I can feel my stress rising and my anxiety increasing and I need to get it back on track before I freak out & have a breakdown. And for me, what relieves stress better than writing? Well, I can think of one thing, but that’s not possible right now. I could go shave. I need to badly and look like a homeless guy, but do I want to rub sharp razors up and down my face this morning? Yeah, let’s do the writing thing.

So let’s go to the Magic Bag and see what challenges it offers this morning. We have No Daddy, Poopy Head, and Self Respect. Oh yeah, someone is going to get offended this morning. I can see that already. So let’s get busy, okay? Hey hey hey! Sorry. I had a Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids flashback. My bad! Now, let’s roll.

No Daddy…

This one has me stumped because I can’t remember what kind of comment or situation made me add those two words to the Magic Bag. What is the context? Was it talking about a child who doesn’t know who their father is and is being raised in a single-parent household by just a mother? Or is this in the context of a good time when you’re asked if you’ve been a good boy all day and you reply, “No Daddy! I’ve been a bad boy. Are you going to give me a spanking?” I prefer the latter. I could use a good spanking right now. But most likely, it’s the first one, and some kid, for whatever reason, is being forced to grow up with only one parent because either the dad bailed or the Mom just spreads her legs for anyone who wants a shot. No kid should have to live like that or go through that. Unfortunately, far too many do and it sucks. It really does.

Poopy Head…

A nice juvenile way of telling someone that they’re a complete idiot and have shit for brains. Or one of Vince McMahon’s workplace love interests. Either works. I know some people are into that kind of kink and whatever floats your boat, right? Hell, I like a lot of weird stuff too. If you want a list, just ask. But poop on the head? I think I’ll pass. That’s just nasty.

Self Respect…

No one can love you until you love yourself. No one will respect you until you respect yourself. And that pretty much says it all. ‘Nuff said!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. And yeah, this timed out right because it’s time for me to head out and go to the doctor’s office to get my foot checked and get bitched at. Or maybe it will go well? Keep your fingers crossed. Comments, thoughts, and any questions or suggestions for future columns are welcome and appreciated. Have a great day. I’ll see you at the Chinese Buffet.

Ubuntu!