Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #14
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

If you could write for any publications which one would you select and why?

For me, writing for the classic tabloid, Weekly World News, would be perfect. Just imagine characters like Bat Boy, Dear Dottle, Ed Anger, The Space Alien, and all the other WWN regulars, with a slight Dougie influence. That’s a writing job that I would have been perfect for.

What if a celebrity started coming to you for advice?

I would worry for them because if I’m the one that they’re coming to for advice, their lives must be pretty damn messed up. I would be honest, and fair, and do my best to give the best advice that I can, but if I’m anyone’s best option for advice, they’re truly a sad panda.

What are you working on that takes up most of your time at the moment?

Just getting by and surviving day to day, to get past the stress, physical ailments, mental anguish, and everything else. Sad, but true. And aside from that, keeping my site updated and trying to lure a certain someone to the dark side.

Which Superhero team is your favorite?

I was an X-Man guy in the 80s and 90s, and a huge fan of Alpha Flight, as well as The Defenders. I’m talking about the Beast/Angel/Hellcat/Valkyrie, etc team and not the fake-ass Netflix version of the team. But my favorite? The MCU version and movies are okay, but the comic book version, especially in the 70s and 80s, is and will always be The Avengers. They weren’t called Earth’s Mightiest Heroes for nothing.

What’s your favorite black-and-white movie?

The easy answer here. East of Eden, starring James Dean and Julie Harris. It’s an amazing movie and James Dean’s best movie by far.

What are you looking forward to the most in 2024?

Just staying alive and keeping on as I keep on. And maybe a romantic night with a special dude or two.

A genie grants you one wish in 2024, so what do you wish for?

Those that I care the most about, family and friends, are healthy, happy, and have success in their lives. That’s La Familia, the ABC Crew, Chris & Eric, and several others. I’ll deal with my shit, but I want these awesome people, who all mean so much in my life, to be healthy and happy.

What is a lesson that took you a long time to learn?

That people tend to suck. Be careful who you trust and know when to say no. And there you go.

Would you rather always say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Never speak again. If I said everything that is on my mind, I wouldn’t have any friends left and would probably have many, many people trying to whip my ass constantly.

What is the cutest thing you did as a child that your parents spoke about long after you grew up?

Walking around in a bathtub half filled with water, with my shoes on, while singing “Hey there, Georgie girl!”. I was three and get reminded of this at least twice a year.

If you were about to be executed, what would your last meal request be?

A two-piece Chicken snack box, with two breasts, from Nic’s Pic Kwik. I love them ‘Taters.

Is saying Frank Sinatra was talentless grounds to fight family members?

Yes, it is. If someone can’t recognize the greatness that was Frank Sinatra, the Chairman of the Board, they’re obviously an idiot and have major issues. They deserve to be beaten up regularly.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Tiki Bar.

Ubuntu!