Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
Trash Bandits, Wild Turkey & Houdini
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Good morning and once again, welcome to a Day of Dougie. Yes, I know that just a few hours ago, when I couldn’t sleep, I already wrote one of these. I finally did manage to go to bed for two hours and now I’m back up again. And what a day it’s already been. A phone call to Duke about my appointment for Wednesday. I called to inquire about an infection in my foot, MRSA, and if they wanted me to keep my appointment or reschedule. They quickly said to reschedule, so now I have another month to wait before I get to drive two hours away for a consultation that will probably only take twenty minutes. And then, I get to drive back. Another month to stress, stay anxious and overthink. What fun. Yay!

And of course, between my Mom, who’s mad that I won’t go get biscuits from Hardee’s, and two out of the three pets being underfoot, loud, and on my last nerves, it just keeps getting better and better. I figure that if I start writing, maybe I can relax and feel better. It’s either this or go back to bed. I’m trying the writing first, but lying in a dark, quiet, cool bedroom away from all noises, the phone, and people sounds like a great option. I need a break from this place. It’s true. It’s damn true.

But it’s not coming today so I’ll just go the writing route and see what the dark little place that is my mind can come up with. Where is the Magic Bag? I’ve got it and now I need Topics of Discussion. I’m reaching into the bag and we have Trash Bandits, Wild Turkey, and Houdini. This might be interesting. So are you ready? Let’s roll.

Trash Bandits

A lovely little nickname for those annoying, yet lovely little creatures we call raccoons. They’re the ones who usually get the attention for turning over a trash can or two, but they’re not the only ones. Dogs will do it. Bears will do it. Possums will do it. And neighbors will do it. Okay, if the neighbors are doing it, it’s probably just because they were drunk and accidentally bumped into the trash cans with their cars. True story. They aren’t trying to plunder or steal anything, but those damn trash cans jumped out in front of them, and well, accidents happen. Mailboxes will do that too. But the term ‘Trash Bandits’ is usually just a label reserved for the raccoons because they have those little masks on their face and it just fits. Most labels don’t, but this particular one, for that particular animal, does. It really does.

Wild Turkey

A classic American bourbon that is available either regular strengthed, 80 proof, or high octane, 101 proof. I like this stuff. Not because it’s the best tasting in the world, but for the memories it invokes. My stepdad, back when I was a teenager, used to drink Wild Turkey 101 and Beam’s Choice. And so, being a teenager, that’s what my friends and I drank as well. I was also a big fan of El Toro Tequila until I was seventeen. And then it whipped my ass so badly one weekend at my friend’s house, I swore never again. And forty years later, I still avoid that garbage.

But back to Wild Turkey. The regular Wild Turkey or the Wild Turkey 101 are okay, but the best is the Wild Turkey Rare Breed. That stuff is good with a good flavor and taste. I rarely drink anymore, but if someone offers me a shot or ten of this one, I’m not saying no. It’s an American Classic and great with the Egg Nog. Just mix 9/10 Wild Turkey and a dash of Egg Nog and you’re good to go. Okay, just forget about the Egg Nog and pour a glass of Turkey instead, straight, and you’re even better to go. Trust me on this. I’m a professional. And let’s move on and wrap this up.

Houdini

He was a famous magician and escape artist who could, according to legend, get out of any trap or restraint. That is why my cat, Mouthie, is called Houdini when he makes a great escape. No room or door can stop Mouthie when he’s determined, just as no lock or cage could hold Houdini back in his day. I just realized something. Maybe Houdini, the magician, was actually a cat-person in disguise? That would explain a lot. It’s something to think about, right? That’s enough for now. I think I’m done.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions, plus any suggestions for topics to be added to the bag are welcome and appreciated. I’m done here for today. Take care and be well, my friends. Make every day a Day of Dougie and I’ll see you on X. I’m there at @Doug28352. Follow me. I follow back unless you’re an obvious Bot! Remember who loves you, baby! Until the next time.

Ubuntu!