Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #15
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What celebrity do you no longer like because you found out they’re a bad person?

The name that immediately comes to mind is Bette Midler. Bette has a great singing voice and was funny doing comedy in the 70s and 80s. She’s an amazing singer as well. But then, she revealed her true colors as her sickening symptoms of TDS began to emerge. I can barely stand to hear her name now, much less listen to her music or see her in a movie.

Would you date a girl who has tattoos on her face?

No, I wouldn’t, but then again, I wouldn’t date girls anyhow. I’m a homo so that kind of removes girls from my dating options. So far as dating guys with tattoos on the face goes, it wouldn’t be my preference, but it would depend on the guy himself. I’m not that superficial and great guys are hard to find so what’s a little tattoo here or there?

Are you scared of clowns?

Nope. Based on the majority of guys I’ve dated or been with over my years on Earth, I seem to be attracted to them. Besides, crazy sex is the best sex so what’s a little goofiness between friends?

You’re stuck in the last TV show you watched. What is it?

I haven’t watched TV in so long, it’s hard to remember. I did watch some Family Guy earlier today so I guess I’d be a resident of Quahog. I’d be their token homo-redneck who could serve as the alternative to Bruce or Herbert. Oh no…

Should people be legally required to use a person’s preferred pronouns?

Nope. Just because someone is delusional and lives in a fantasy world of make-believe doesn’t mean the rest of us have to pretend and play along.

What always relaxes you when you’re stressed out?

Writing, driving, and chilling with a few certain guys. A good old-fashioned bear hug seems to help sometimes as well.

What’s something that will always be in fashion, no matter how much time passes?

T-shirts that represent the New World Order, aka the nWo. After all, they’re “for life”, right?

In your opinion, what do you think is the most rigged thing in the world?

The United States election system and American politics. Also, NASCAR, the NFL, and the Miss Universe Pagent. And this is coming from a guy who writes about professional wrestling for a living. But our elections especially, are totally corrupt. 81,000,000 votes my ass!

Are you in the profession you dreamed of when you were a child?

When I was a kid, I wanted to be one of three things. Either a writer, a professional wrestler, or a TV weatherman. And now, I primarily write about professional wrestling. Two out of three ain’t bad!

Do you think you would make a good spy?

No, not really. I’m good at hearing things and learning stuff. People tend to confide in me and trust me. But I ain’t no snitch so that renders all that trust moot. I know and see stuff, but I ain’t telling on anyone.

What is your Mount Rushmore of Keanu Reeves movies?

It would be Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures, My Own Private Idaho, John Wick, and The Matrix.

How many slices of meat do you put on a sandwich when making one at home?

At least two, depending on what kind of sandwich I’m making. Mustard and mayonnaise are must-haves, and a slice of the orange cheese, plus two slices of meat or more. I like meat!

Kristi Noem says The minimum sentence for pedophiles who rape children should be the death penalty with no exceptions. Do you agree? Yes or No.

That sounds good to me. They destroyed a life so why should they continue to have theirs? And if we can’t smoke them, just physically castrate them and then release them in the general population of a Maximum Security Prison and make sure the rest of the inmates know why they’re there. Let justice work itself out.

Do you like cuddles?

It all depends on who is doing the cuddling, but as I’ve gotten older, I tend to crave and want some good snuggling cuddles more and more often. Don’t talk, but just cuddle up close. Sounds good to me.

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

I was born the son of a sharecropper.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Big Lots.

Ubuntu!