Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #16
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers for a few of them. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What’s your strangest talent?

I can’t tell you here, but if you subscribe to my OnlyFans, you can see for yourself. Oh wait, I don’t have an OnlyFans. I wonder if there’s an audience out there for a middle-aged fat man with one leg? Hmmm. I’ll have to look into that. My strangest talent? I used to be able to write with my toes. Would that count? I had skilled feet. True story.

If you were starting a pro wrestling company, who would be your first 5 hires?

How did a wrestling question slide in here? Oh well, it came from Twitter so it still counts. My first five hires would be local NC Indy Wrestler Ethan Storm as my booker/General Manager. For name talent, I would reach out to Matt Cardona, Chelsea Green, Alan Angels, and Heath Slater. The rest of my roster would be made of using talent from the NC Indy scene, from companies like Atlantic Coast Wrestling, C.A.G.E., and others I’m familiar with, and from contacts that my first five hires could provide.

You were just offered 10 million dollars but you have to choose one species to extinct. What would you do?

Maybe I’m just getting too jaded in my old age, but at this point in my life, I’d just say give me the damn money. Sorry, Eric. As for the species that would cease to exist, say goodbye to roaches. I hate them nasty-ass things and I doubt anyone would miss them, except for a dude named Joe, who shared his apartment with them. Remember that movie?

What movie has the best soundtrack ever?

It’s a tough call, but for me, it’d have to be either the soundtrack from the movie, Lost Boys, or the soundtrack from the movie, The Commitments. That’s an amazing movie by the way, especially if you like R&B music and soul. I’ll go with The Lost Boys soundtrack. I love vampire movies.

What’s the best superhero movie that you have ever watched?

It’s another tough question because honestly, after so many movies over the past ten-plus years, I think I’m suffering superhero fatigue and the movies from the MCU and DCEU aren’t as good as they once were. I guess I’ll go with The Avengers: Endgame. I saw it in the movie theatre and saw people stand up and applaud when the final fight scene began. That was a great experience. Let’s go with that.

If you won a lifetime supply of one food item, which would you want it to be?

Chicken. You can fry it, bake it, boil it, BBQ it, eat it fried, as tenders or nuggets, sliced, and prepare it a million different ways. It’s the ultimate food source and you could eat it for months, but never have to repeat the same meal unless you’re just lazy. It’s the perfect food.

If you had to be handcuffed to one person of your choice for an entire month, who would it be?

I can’t think of anyone that I could get along with or stand for that long of a period being handcuffed too. Do they have to be real or can they just be an imaginary friend? This one is tough because the few people that I do like and love, even after a few days, we’d be ready to kill each other. I know how I am and I know how they are and well, it wouldn’t be pretty. I guess I’ll say my ex, Chris. At least he was sexy and I’d have something to play with while we’re both trying not to hate each other too badly.

When was the last time you laughed so hard that you cried?

I was watching some shorts on Facebook and a stand-up comic came on. This was yesterday. I don’t even know the dude’s name, but he did a routine on amputees and went back and forth with a woman in the audience who had both legs amputated and the irony and truths just hit me right. I not only laughed out loud, but I had to wipe my eyes a couple of times. That shit was funny.

Would you rather live in a utopia as a normal person or in a dystopia where you are the supreme ruler?

I just want to live and be left alone so I’d just be another guy living the life and doing my thing. I don’t like being the boss.

What is one concept you cannot understand, no matter how hard you try?

Abortion. No matter how a person tries to justify it, taking a life is wrong. I can understand abortion if the unborn child is the result of rape, incest, or will be born brain dead or crippled. I can understand if the birth would threaten the life of the mother. I’m not insensitive. But to see women murdering their babies for the sake of convenience or because “they’re not ready”, it’s just insane to me. If you’re not ready to take a chance of getting pregnant, then you’re not ready to spread your legs to every guy with an erection. You have two other holes, plus there is birth control available. Use the other options and if you do get pregnant, deal with it like an adult. That doesn’t mean murder and slaughtering an unborn child that didn’t ask to be conceived. Be responsible because actions have consequences and if you’re not ready for those consequences, don’t take those actions. Murder is never the answer.

Would you rather be magical, but live on earth, or live in a magical land but be normal?

So would I rather be a wizard who lives in a world of Muggles, or would I prefer to be a Squib who lives in a wizarding society? I’d say give me the wand and do the hocus pocus stuff.

What is the most dangerous animal you have ever owned as a pet?

All of my past pets have been generally normal, standard animals. Cats, dogs, hamsters, fish, and a hermit crab named Tarheel. The most dangerous of all of these? I’ll go with the cats. They’re sneaky and like to be in charge, just like most women.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at Jersey Mikes.

Ubuntu!