Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Early Birds, Stupid People & Plywood
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Happy Easter to all of my Peeps. Welcome to a very special edition of A Day of Dougie. Okay, it’s too soon to know if this will be a special edition or not. I haven’t even drawn the topics of discussion from the Magic Bag as of yet so I have no idea of what I’ll be talking about. I just have a feeling though. It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon and although my life is falling apart in so many ways, I just have a good feeling. Now, can we build on that and make it last? That’s where things get more complicated. But we’re here to have fun and I’m not going to let the goobers take over. Let’s move on.

Before I get the Magic Bag and draw my topics of discussion, I want to send out a few shout-outs to some amazing people. My bro-son and the family, my long-time sister from another Mother, Theresa, and E-Dub, who has found a spot in my heart. And then add in my Stoney Crew family, the ABC Peeps, the Dairy Mart crew, my boys in CT, and of course, the Montclair Mafia. These are the reasons I don’t give up or quit even when I want to and am ready to throw in the towel and do a Roberto Duran, shouting out, “No mas!”. I could go on, but let’s change things up and get to why we’re here. Random discussion about random things. It’s time to get busy and have a Day of Dougie.

I have the Magic Bag in hand and my topics of discussion for today are as follows. We have Early Birds, Stupid People, and Plywood. Okay then. This one might take a little work and creativity, but I’ll do my best. And I’ll try and keep things positive, but that middle topic? That might take a little extra work and effort as well. So are you ready to roll? As Al Bundy would say, “Let’s rock!”

Early Birds

What’s the old saying? The early bird gets the worm. Well, who the hell wants a worm? Insert sexual innuendo or joke here. Worms are nasty. Well, not all of them, but you know what I mean. I’d rather stay in bed and sleep late if I can. But then again, in my defense, I usually don’t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning or until I see the sun starting to rise in the East. So with that in mind, I deserve to sleep a little bit later. And damn those worms.

I’m not saying that I don’t get the meaning of the phrase and what it implies. I do and it’s a good, logical piece of wisdom for the majority of the masses. Get out and hustle before everyone else and you’ll have a huge advantage in getting what you want or need. It’s a nice piece of advice, but just not for me. I do what I have to do and I do it well. Just ask your boyfriend. He knows. But I need my sleep so no early bird for me. I’ll be an opportunistic buzzard instead. Or maybe a penguin? Penguins are cute so let’s go with that. And there you go. Moving on.

Stupid People

They are among us. They live. And they tend to be woken sheep who only echo what they’re told to think and have no real opinions of their own. Yeah, I was on X, formerly known as Twitter earlier, and the ignorance is nearly overwhelming. Some very intelligent people, with book smarts and technological smarts, and they don’t have a damn lick of common sense.

I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I try to at least look at both sides, look at history and possible outcomes, and be reasonable in any argument or situation. I don’t always succeed, but I do try more often than not. I think with my mind and questions on everything rather than just my emotions or heart. Well, on everything but my attractions/relationships with guys, etc. But that’s a story for another time.

I prefer to be reasonable and do my homework first. And then some lead with emotion and anger instead of thinking about the implications and thinking things through. These are Democra… there are stupid people. Can’t live with them and can’t just shoot them. Welcome to America in 2024.

Plywood

A thin sheet of wood to make floors, walls, and treehouses. It can also be used to build a wrestling ring, with a thin mat on top. It’s very useful and we need it. Can you tell that I’ve drawn a blank and am reaching here? Well, I am so I’m ending this here. I tried.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions about this column or anything at all are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. I need to go wash a load of clothes and do something. I’ll be back later today with some wrestling-related stuff and probably a few other things as well. Take care and I’ll see you at the river.

Ubuntu!