Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #19
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers for a few of them. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

What do you think is the most successful conspiracy ever perpetrated?

The pandemic and the 2020 Presidential Elections here in the United States. They nearly shut down the entire world, damaged millions of people’s minds with misinformation and blatant lies, and installed a fake President and government. 81,000,000 votes my ass. And anyone with the slightest bit of common sense knows it.

Snoop Dogg or Drake?

To be honest, I can’t name a single song by either of these guys. I guess I’ll go with Snoopy Dogg Dogg since he’s a big wrestling fan and has appeared at Wrestlemania a few times. But truthfully, I couldn’t care less about either as a singer or entertainer.

If your child wanted to marry a different race, would you accept them?

Race doesn’t matter so long as it’s a good person and the love is real. It’s just that simple. So yes, so long as my child loves them and they love my child back, I would give my approval and acceptance. And if they ever hurt my kid, I’d make sure that there would be hell to pay.

What’s the first thing you’ll do when you get to Mars?

Probably die because I’m old, fat, and need air to breathe. My ass is not leaving my neighborhood if I can avoid it, much less leaving my planet. Someone else can go to Mars and tell the little green dudes I said hello. I’ve got plans for that day and have to wash my hair or something.

If you get super rich, would you still like to work?

So long as there is breath in my body and I’m alive, I hope to always be working. Rich or poor, it doesn’t matter. A person needs a reason to get up every day and stay active and for me, work is that reason. Well, that and your boyfriend. He’s cute.

What makes you feel most loved?

As of late, the big hugs from a very special person. He makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over and the strong hugs say more than any words ever could.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how full of ham are you? One is no ham and 10 means a ham now.

I haven’t eaten ham or any kind of pork in several days so I guess it would be a one. I’ve been told that I am a ham at times with my antics and sense of humor, but I’m getting darker and more sarcastic these days so I doubt that applies anymore either.

What place would you like to visit before getting old?

I don’t have any places that I can think of that I want to visit or travel to. I just want to stay home and be left in peace. Travel is too much work and I hurt too much far too often to do any kind of long trips or tourism.

What’s a wrestling catchphrase that lives rent-free in your head?

I still tell people, ‘You just made the list!’, and ‘Woo woo woo – you know it’, but for me, my number one go-to wrestling catchphrase is the Steve Austin classic, ‘What?’. It helps that I honestly can’t hear most of the time and am actually asking someone to repeat themselves, but it still counts.

What’s the weirdest place you’ve woken up after a night of drinking?

In the bed with a stranger, in the bed with a long-time friend, in my truck in the Cemetary, on the roof of a church, and in jail. Take your pick.

Would you fake your death if it meant protecting your family?

If I consider someone as family, be it blood kin or not, I’ll do whatever I have to do to protect them and keep them safe. And I do mean whatever it takes.

What has changed in you in the last five months?

I was forced by Government red tape to give up my job that I truly loved. I’ve grown a strong attraction to a person that I know will never work out. I’ve been alone more than ever and I’m getting more bitter every day. I don’t see a positive future, but I’m stubborn and won’t give up. I really do hate my life right now. So what’s changed? Everything, but nothing at all. Regardless of the twists and turns of life and fate, I’m still an awesome dude and I’ll be okay in the end.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the lake.

Ubuntu!