Doug’s Bad Joke Corner
25 Bad & Offensive Jokes II
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Disclaimer: These are bad. I mean really bad, both in the offensive category and some are just groaners. If anyone is offended, lighten up already. They’re jokes. When it comes to humor, nothing should be off-limits. I don’t care if it’s race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else. I like to laugh and sometimes groan loudly. And believe me, after these jokes, you’ll probably do both. It’s just a little something to break the monotony. If you think this stuff is sick, you haven’t seen anything yet.

So take the stick out of your butt and get ready to laugh, or at least smirk. And if you dare to call me racist or homophobic because of these, get over it. I’m a gay, fat man with one leg who sometimes identifies as a rich black chick from New Orleans named Joaquina. So blah to that. Now prepare to laugh. You’re welcome.

What’s red and has seven dents in it?
Snow White’s cherry.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
If your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Why can’t women ski?
There’s no snow in the kitchen.

What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.

How do you pick up hot chicks at Auschwitz?
With a dustpan.

What is a nickname for a Chinese person?
Sleepwalker

How can you get a nice Jewish girl’s number?
Roll up her sleeve

What did the black guy get on his SAT?
Barbeque sauce.

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File.

What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?
Michael Phelps can finish a race.

Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slowly through the school zones.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

What’s better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.

What’s worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma’s vagina?
Realizing you only put in 11.

What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he wasn’t black?
Alive.

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry came out of the chamber.

What do you give a black woman who got an abortion?
$500 check from Crime Stoppers.

Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.

How does every Mexican recipe start?
Steal a chicken.

How is eating pussy and being in the Mafia the same?
One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
Woman.

Yes, they are bad. Who cares? Laugh a little bit already. You’re welcome. And I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!