A Day of Dougie
My Life at the Moment
Another Update: The Story Continues.

And here we go with another update on my progress as I sit here at home and try to figure out just where I’m at and what happens next. My world has become sad and even darker if that’s possible. No, that’s not true. It’s just my outlook towards life the effects of the world around me and my reactions. I’m withdrawing more and more, yet in some ways, I’m feeling more positive. It’s hard to explain. I’m a damn mess with a lot of issues. Let’s just leave that there and move on.

The facts. physical and otherwise. I’m still home. I came home from the hospital last week, against the advice of three doctors, and I’ve been here, alone, ever since. No, I’m not physically alone. My 88-year-old Mom is here and she’s trying to help. She means well, but as I’ve said before, the best of intentions. I love that woman. But anyhow, as I was saying, home for eight days as of today and no other human/physical contacts. I came home to piece myself together and decide my options in terms of saving my foot. If I had stayed in the hospital, my options would have been amputation. Yeah, that’s it. I can’t do that. I refuse to do that. So I came home.

My foot is in constant pain and it’s not mild or annoying. While in the hospital, I was given choices of oxycodone and morphine. And saying no was not an option. And since I’ve come home, I’d had Aleve and Bayer Aspirin. So even when I’m feeling okay, I’m hurting… and hurting a lot. My foot still looks as if a couple of rabid dogs had a chew toy and gnawed on it for a while. But I’m keeping it clean and changing the dressing at least twice a day. I manage to stand if necessary and walk, put the weight on my prosthetic, and do simple household chores such as sweeping, laundry, dishes, and cooking when I can remember to eat. I’m taking my meds, staying clean, and alternating between reading, writing, and sleeping a lot. I’m bored, lonely, and miserable. I long for human contact, but I don’t want to deal with the BS and judgment that comes with it. It’s quite the quandary.

I’m comfortable that if I need to, I can walk to my truck, most likely using a walker or cane, and drive. I did finally decide to call and make an appointment at the Scotland County Wound Center, so I can resume regular treatment of my foot, improve my mobility, and attempt to get somewhat more sociable again.

I haven’t been totally isolated. My bro-son has proven again and again why he’s so special to me and such an important person in my life. He texts regularly and we talk. One of my long-time best friends has also reached out and offered support. So I’m not alone. Physically, yes, but I have some support. The person who was my life and owned my heart for the past year made a total split and has vanished. I don’t blame him though. He knows only one way, and that’s 100% forward. He has issues of his own, with addiction, with family, and this addition to the load, my issues, was overwhelming him. While it does hurt immensely, I get it and understand it completely. He gave me almost eight months of the best life I’ve ever had and I’ll forever be appreciative. But it’s survival and he has to deal with his own life first. Maybe one day, we’ll reunite and if so, that would be amazing. But life goes on and so shall I.

But the bottom line is this. I’m physically down and I’m doing what I need to do to endure, get better, and keep moving forward. I’m taking care of my foot and I’ll be headed back to the doctor soon. I have no human interaction, but my Mom and that’s not good. I also have my cats and the computer, so I’ll manage. And I’m getting there. I’m content at the moment and compared to a few weeks ago, I’m feeling better. I hate this pain, but I’ll be okay.

And I guess that’s it. My creative juices are flowing rather strongly, but I don’t have the endurance or patience to write or pursue every idea that forms in my mind. For now, it is wrestling Q&As and personal updates on my life. If I can ever get rid of the pain, there will be more. Believe that!

And as the legendary Baron Von Raschke would say, that is all de’ people need to know. I need to go lie down. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll talk to you later.

Ubuntu!