Doug’s Bad Joke Corner
25 Bad & Offensive Jokes III
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Disclaimer: These are bad. I mean really bad, both in the offensive category and some are just groaners. If anyone is offended, lighten up already. They’re jokes. When it comes to humor, nothing should be off-limits. I don’t care if it’s race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else. I like to laugh and sometimes groan loudly. And believe me, after these jokes, you’ll probably do both. It’s just a little something to break the monotony. If you think this stuff is sick, you haven’t seen anything yet.

So take the stick out of your butt and get ready to laugh, or at least smirk. And if you dare to call me racist or homophobic because of these, get over it. I’m a gay, fat man with one leg who sometimes identifies as a rich black chick from New Orleans named Joaquina. So blah to that. Now prepare to laugh. You’re welcome.

What is the difference between a feminist and a baby?
A baby will eventually grow up and stop complaining.

So, I like my women like I like my alcohol.
And how is that?
Twenty years old and locked in my cellar.

What do baseballs and babies have in common?
Your neighbor gets mad at you when you throw them through the window.

Did I ever tell you about the girl who had a miscarriage in the bathroom?
It was the worst baby shower ever.

What do you call a stoned college professor?
Higher education.

What is the best song to send to your Dad on Father’s Day?
Glad You Came.

Do you know why circumcisions are so cheap in Israel?
Because Rabbis work for tips.

Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.

What do you consider a dark sense of humor?
A dark sense of humor is one that is so dark, that you can still hear it singing in the cotton fields.

Why did Mr. Krab’s wife file for divorce?
Because he came out of his shell.

How do we know that God is black?
Because everyone refers to him as Father, but no one has ever seen him.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
I’ll see you next month.

What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.

What is the difference between my laundry and my little cousin?
My laundry doesn’t scream when I throw it in the dryer.

Do you know what the national bird of Syria is?
A U.S. drone.

Why don’t black dudes have small dicks?
Because God didn’t want to punish them twice.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.

What is the difference between orphans and churches?
The churches have fathers.

Arguing with someone online is a lot like racing in the Special Olympics.
It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. You’re both still retarded.

Do you know who the pioneer of abortion is?
Captain Hook.

What is the difference between 9/11 and your birth?
9/11 was planned.

What do slaves and bicycles have in common?
They only work with a chain attached.

Do you know what Kanye West referred to Kim Kardashian’s cleavage as?
He called it Silicon Valley.

What do you call a bunch of black dudes standing around?
An auction.

What do you call a white man surrounded by a bunch of black men?
The Warden.

What do you call an orphan whose parents are still alive?
A mistake.

Do you know why most pills are white?
Because they work.

Yes, they are bad. Who cares? Laugh a little bit already. You’re welcome. And I’ll see you next time.

Ubuntu!