Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie:
Updates, Rugrats & Grey Goose
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Good morning, and welcome to A Day of Dougie. It’s Thanksgiving morning, and I’m Dougie. It’s 4:15 am and too damn early to be awake. But here we are, right? Just shoot me now.

Why am I up? Preparation of the Thanksgiving feast, aka that damn bird. I fixed several side dishes last night, such as Deviled Eggs, Baked Beans, Fried Apples, and Potato Salad. And I have a few more, such as Stuffing, Yams, and Fried Rice (don’t judge me), to fix later this morning as the turkey nears its finishing time. But that damn bird, weighing in just at 13 lbs, takes nearly 4 hours to cook, so I’m up to knock that out and get it out of the way. Yeah, I’m going all out this year on the Thanksgiving dinner. Why? It’s only me and Mom so I don’t know, but I felt like doing it and here we are.

Truthfully, I could have slept a few more hours and waited to do this, but I wanted to come in here to the kitchen and work without any help. Did that work? Ma has already walked through here twice to see what I’m doing. The dog came in, needing to go outside and pee. And the cat. He just realized I was up and kept getting in the way—the best of intentions. Sighs The whole world is against me.

But despite all of this “help” and the headache it’s giving me, there is some positive news. There are four deer out in my yard right now, out by the storage building. I cleaned out the fridge last night and threw out some veggies that had gone bad into the yard, and I guess they found them. Dogs and cats are annoying. Elderly people are annoying. But wild deer in the backyard? That is always awesome and cool. When you realize that we live in a neighborhood surrounded by houses, that makes it even more cool. I like my deer.

But enough about that. Let me give a quick update on my medical stuff, and then I’ll get to the reason A Day of Dougie exists, which is writing about random topics with no prior knowledge or preparation. If you remember, in the last edition of this piece, I spoke of my toe which essentially was ready to fall off. Well, I went to the doctor yesterday morning, and he took it off. Just the tip of my toe which had died and was hanging there. So now, I have 2 1/2 toes left on my foot instead of three, but it didn’t hurt, and I’m feeling better. I can still walk and drive okay so that’s a good thing. The doctor prescribed a lotion to put on my toe, but aside from that, nothing has changed and it’s business as usual. I still have the Wound Vac on my foot so that means visits from the nurses three times a week, but life goes on.

And now, enough about me. Let’s get the Magic Bag out and find a couple of topics of discussion to speak of. I’ve got the infamous bag in hand and what are we going to talk about? Rugrats and Grey Goose. Okay, that’s pretty random, but I think I’ve got it covered. And away we go.

Rugrats

I remember the cartoon. It was annoying. Babies doing baby things and just in general, being little snot-nosed brats. No, I was not a fan. What were their names? It’s been at least twenty-five years since I had to watch that crap. I remember Tommy and Chuckie. What was the annoying girl’s name who was slightly older and always called the brats “Babies”? Angelica? Hell, if I know. But the cartoon annoyed me. I like cartoons with class and sophistication, like Bugs Bunny or Sponge Bob. But Rugrats. The animated kids in that cartoon show every reason that I never had kids of my own. Well, that plus no woman ever wanted to procreate with me and guys can’t get pregnant. I regret never being a father, but if the kids would be anything like those brats, good riddance and never mind. I’m glad it never happened.

Grey Goose

Grey Goose is considered one of the top-shelf brands of Vodka. But guess what? It’s overpriced and not all that good. This is ten years of working in the liquor store talking to you. With Grey Goose, you’re paying for the name and the fancy bottle. If you want a comparable vodka with a cool bottle for considerably cheaper, try Belvedere. It’s just as good, plus not as hard on the wallet. And if you want vodka that just tastes better, but is comparable in price, drink Tito’s. In my opinion, it’s the best-tasting vodka on the market. It is so smooth, it’s like drinking water. And if you don’t give a damn and just want a buzz, go with the Aristocrat Vodka. It tastes like lighter fluid, but it gets the job done. And never drink Nikolai vodka. It was my brand of choice for a long time and it makes lighter fluid or kerosene sound good in comparison. Remember, this is the voice of experience talking. Tito’s is the best. Grey Goose is overrated, and Nikolai is the absolute worst. The more you know.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, dirty jokes, good recipes, and questions are all welcome and appreciated. And if you’re a sexy dude who gives good hugs, that’s welcome too. I’m out of here. I think I have some laundry to do, plus I need to check on the bird. Have a great one and be good, my friends. Happy Thanksgiving. It’s a Day of Dougie. Blah, blah, blah. I forgot what I was going to say for my outro-line. It’s still too damn early in the morning. I’ll talk to you later. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!