Tossing Salt Presents:
Day of Dougie:
Grateful, Malibu, and Good Beer
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

It’s Friday morning and we survived Thanksgiving. That calls for a celebration. But since I’m here alone except for my Mom, who’s asleep in the other room, and the fur babies, who are also asleep, I’ll just celebrate by doing what I do third best, writing. It’s a Day of Dougie. And I can see you questioning, if writing is my third best talent, what are the other two?
Customer service is one of them. And the other? You’ll have to be a cute guy and date me to find out. I’ll rock your world.

But enough on that, unless you’re a cute guy. Call me. But so as the here and now go, it’s time to write. And I have three topics in mind. One is in honor of the holiday that just passed, Eat Too Much Turkey and Nap Day, and the other two? They’re from the infamous Magic Bag. The topics of discussion are Grateful, Malibu, and Good Beer. Yeah, this should be a good one. So are you ready? I’m Doug and this is a Day of Dougie. Yada, yada, yada! Let’s do this.

Grateful

I was going to just list things that I’m grateful for in my crazy little life and provide a brief explanation as to why, but let’s step it up a bit. Are you ready for a Top Five List? I haven’t done one of these in a while, so why the hell not? From the Home Office in Hurricane, West Virginia, it’s (drum roll please)…

The Top Five Things That Dougie is Grateful For.

5) My family. And this includes my blood family as well as my fate/choice/mysteries of life family as well. They keep me going and offer support, even when I’m pushing people away, being an ass, and don’t deserve it. Kenneth, Theresa, Brent, Tian & Tatz, and so many others. I’ve only made it this far because of the love and strength you fine folks provide and share.

4) Mouthie. More than a cat, he’s my furry little child. Yes, he’s loud and bossy, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

3) My health. Yes, it’s been a rough few years and I’m just a shadow of what I was just a couple of years ago, but I can still walk, drive, and get around. I’ve kept most of my independence and I’m still alive. A person can’t ask for more than that.

2) Inspiration. I am surrounded by the most creative people. Eric with his music. Brent with his insight and writing talents. K-Mak with the quick wit and imagination. It rubs off on me and inspires me to step up my game and aspire to be better, to be creative, and to learn to apply myself better. A conversation with Brent was what inspired me to create my own website. I’ve written songs with Eric. And K-Mak, videos and skits of legend. Amazing people with so much talent and heart have helped shape me into who I am. And I am forever thankful for that.

1) My website. I spent many years writing for other people and their websites. I did that, plus blogged on MySpace, wrote stories for FanFiction.net (under the name TSFiction19), and just kept busy keeping busy. But something was missing and I wanted more. So after speaking with Brent one day, I took the plunge and DougMaynard.com was born. It’s not what I was originally planning, but it’s an outlet for me to create and write with no worries or hassles. Right now, I’m averaging between 600 – 800 views a day. Not too shabby, right? But I do it for myself and not for the views. That’s just a fringe benefit and bonus. Working on the site is my brief escape from reality and the real world. It’s a creative outlet to let my mind wander and explore. It keeps me sane.

I’m sure I can think of plenty more if I try, but this piece is long enough already. I need to save something for the next time. So that’s a few of the things I’m grateful for. Other things would be good jobs over the years, awesome coworkers, strong work ethic, high tolerance for pain, no addictions, morals, common sense, and great parenting by my folks. Let’s move on.

Malibu

The only thing I know about Malibu is that Barbie has a beach house there. And it’s in California. Well, I don’t play with Barbies and I have no use for California. Those people are insane! So Malibu has no meaning for me.

Okay, I lied. I just remembered Malibu Run. It’s in the white bottle and is pretty decent if you like rum. There are several flavors available and it sells very well. It tastes far better than the Bacardi Rum. It’s Barbie’s favorite for those wild weekends at the Beach House with GI Joe. Yeah, that tramp is cheating on Ken. A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp. And Barbie is a tramp. She and Ken made a deal to quit smoking except for when they had sex. It’s been fifteen years. Ken is still on the first pack. Barbie is up to three packs a day. Ken and Barbie got married. When the Preacher asked, do you take this man, all of the Ushers said, “She already has!”. Yeah, Barbie sucks! And Malibu sucks! The city, not the Rum. And we’re moving on.

Good Beer

I like beer. I like the buzz it brings and the sense of belonging and the sense of comradery it brings, chilling your friends and a twelve-pack. A cold beer after a long day can be refreshing and take the edge off. But is there really any truly good beer? Let’s be honest. Nobody drinks beer for its great taste. Not unless you like watered-down and flat Mt. Dew mixed with horse piss. Some are more bearable than others, but can any beer truly be delicious? No, I don’t think so. My personal favorites are Natural Light, Bud Light, and Bud Platinum. Yeah, I know we’re supposed to boycott the Bud Light, but I’m a creature of habit and stuck in my ways. Plus, I’ve always been a big fan of Dr. Frank N. Furter of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Given my love for that dude, I really can’t get too upset at a transvestite’s face being on a beer can. Dylan Mulvaney wasn’t nearly as hot as Frank, but hell, after a few beers, who really cares anyhow? I wonder if he can do the Time Warp and take that step to the left? Hmmm.
The bottom line here is there is no truly good beer. But after one or two, it doesn’t matter. I haven’t drank any beer in a while, but there are some Bud Light Platinums in the fridge. Hmmmm.

And there you go. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Part of being on social media is a compulsion to share every meal cooked and eaten with all of your friends. I didn’t take a picture of our Thanksgiving Dinner, but I will share the menu that I cooked up Wednesday night and Thursday morning, that we will be munching on for at least the rest of the weekend. I don’t cook much anymore, but I went all out with the menu for Thanksgiving. I prepared a turkey, stuffing, baked beans, fried rice, potato salad, Deviled Eggs, fried apples, and fried rice. I would have included Green Bean Casserole and Mac & Cheese, but we were out of milk. The milk in the fridge had gone bad. It only expired on September 30, 2024, so what’s up with that? But anyhow, that’s what I cooked and what we had for Thanksgiving. Not too bad for a dude in a wheelchair with one foot and only 2 1/2 toes, right? I think I did well. Now it’s time to start planning for Christmas. Mostly the same foods, but Ham instead of Turkey… maybe. We’ll see.

I guess I’ve rambled long enough. It’s time to close up shop. Thanks for reading and the continued support. Thoughts, comments, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And I’ll see you later on with more stuff. Have a great one.

Ubuntu!