Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 4
Everclear, Fruit Baskets, and Christmas Characters
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

And here we are with Day Four of the Twelve (Dougie) Days of Christmas. Have I got anything to talk about before we get to the nitty-gritty of the piece and the topics of discussion? I have nothing. I probably do if I thought about it, but why bother? I’m just not feeling it today. I’m just a little on the downside. It happens. Let’s get the Magic Bag out and find something to write about. We have Everclear, Christmas Characters, and Fruit Baskets. Yeah, this one should be good. So let’s get this show on the road. And away we go.

Everclear

The magic ingredient that leads to bad decisions, memory lapses, and memories that are best forgotten and never thought of again. Yes, I’m talking about PJ. A trash can or cooler filled with Everclear, Vodka, Fruit Juice such as Hawaiian Punch, and lots of real fruit such as apple slices, strawberries, grapes, etc. All mixed for a potent fruit juice mixture and a night of drinking way too much and not realizing just how drunk you’re getting. You only ate some fruit and right away, you’re hammered. How did that happen? Blame it on the Everclear.

Everclear, back in the days of my youth, used to be 190 proof. That is 95% pure alcohol. It was not to be drank straight from the bottle and needed to be diluted. Alcohol poisoning was a common thing back then when Everclear was involved. Now, laws have changed and with few exceptions, the best you can find is 151 proof (75.5% alcohol) or 120 proof (60% alcohol).

I have so many stories I could tell about nights of drinking PJ and the adventures that followed, but there is no proof and I deny everything. I don’t remember so it didn’t happen, right? Don’t I freakin’ wish! But that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Drinking Everclear is like dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. And now, you know.

Fruit Baskets

Does anyone still give a Fruit Basket as a gift? I remember back in the 80s this was a thing. If you needed a gift for someone and couldn’t decide what to get them or if it was last minute, a basket of fruit was the perfect gift. I can think of a different last-minute gift that most guys would prefer, but let’s keep this G-rated and forget about that. But you guys know what I’m speaking of, right? Call me. I have a gift for you sexy dudes who live close by.

But yeah, fruit baskets. Apples, oranges, pears, and a few nuts are put in a basket and wrapped in plastic with a ribbon on top. I actually like this and wouldn’t mind getting a fruit basket or two. I like to eat fruit now and it’s not only delicious but nutritious as well. Eat the fruit and after a few days, before it goes bad, use it to feed animals in the yard or get some Everclear and make PJ. It’s a win-win all the way around.

And I just thought of another definition for a fruit basket. A bunch of gay guys in a hot air balloon. Think about it. And I can make that joke. I’m allowed. It’s in the Membership contract. The more you know. Bottom line though. Fruit baskets are a bit obsolete these days, but very cool.

Christmas Characters

So, what do you think about when it comes to characters that are synonymous with Christmas? There are the most obvious like Santa, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, The Grinch, and Bruce Willis from the movie, Diehard! But there are others who aren’t quite as well-known but are important in their own right. So, let’s do a Top Ten List of Christmas Characters who don’t get that much recognition.

Top Ten Christmas Characters Who Deserve More Respect

1. Hermey, the Elf who wanted to become a dentist.
2. Yukon Cornelius, the prospector who has spent his life searching for silver and gold.
3. Professor Hinkle, whose magic hat brought Frosty to life.
4. Mrs. Claus, who puts up with all of Santa’s shit all year.
5. Snow Miser and Heat Miser: The real faces behind climate change.
6. Abominable Snow Monster. He put the star on top of the Christmas tree.
7. Chevy Chase: A Christmas Vacation. ‘Nuff said!
8. Ebenezer Scrooge: The ghosts paid a visit and he became a good dude.
9. George Bailey: It’s A Wonderful Life. And every time we watch this movie, which honestly, I have never seen, an angel gets its wings.
10. Cindy Lou: A tiny Who with a big heart.

And there are so many others who make us smile and deserve a shout-out, but these are the ones that immediately came to mind. Merry Christmas. And there you go.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and questions are welcome. And I guess that’s enough for now. This was Day 4 and I’ll be back tomorrow with Day 5. I have to go lay in the HBO Chamber for a couple of hours today. I’m so sick of this. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!