Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas: Day Six
Peanut Butter & Jelly, The Night Life & All I Want for Christmas
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Hey, guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day. And now, we’re back with Day Six of the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. Yeah, we’re halfway there. I thought I’d be bored with this by now, but I’m having fun and enjoying myself. It’s nice to write about something other than wrestling. And no, I can’t believe I said that either. I love my Ultimate Wrestling Q&A, but it’s nice to show that I’m not just a one-trick pony.

So what’s on the agenda? I’ll get the Magic Bag in a few minutes and pull something out, but before I do, I want to tell a story that happened earlier today at the Wound Center. I went to do my HBO treatment and lay around in the Oxygen Chamber for a couple of hours. No big deal there. And for those keeping count, that’s three down and only twenty-seven more to go. If I don’t miss any days, I should finish up on January 27. So let’s mark the calendar for Valentine’s Day. And I’ll hopefully be through with that forever. I can’t wait! But what was I saying? Back to the story.

After I finished being in the Chamber and they were checking my vitals, the woman from the front, Mary, stuck her head in the door to see how much longer I would be. Someone was at the front looking for me. What the hell? We told Mary that I would only be about 5 more minutes so I could get dressed and I’d be out there. And the whole time, my mind was wondering who would be at the Wound Center looking for me. Long story short, I came to the front and looked around, not seeing anyone. I spoke with Mary and then left to go to my truck. And waiting by the front door was my bro-son, Kenneth.

Ken is my best friend and brother and we text several times a week to keep up and chit chat. But life being what it is right now for both of us, I hadn’t seen him in person in over a month. And yet, here he is. He came to do physical therapy, saw my truck, and decided to wait for me to finish up for the day. It was so good to see him and talk in person for a few minutes. He’s my brother in every way but blood, my son in my heart, and the Jay to my Silent Bob. I’ve missed that guy so much. The whole family. And it was just a short, casual conversation, updating on everything, and I needed that. I love my bro and this just made my week.

Okay, now that I’ve told my reunion story, let’s get this done. We’re in the Magic Bag and we have Peanut Butter & Jelly, The Night Life, and All I Want for Christmas. Okay, are you ready? Let’s do this.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

No matter how old you get, a peanut butter & jelly sandwich is still the absolute best. I liked it when I was little, with the crust cut off and sliced in half of course, and now, fifty-plus years later, I still enjoy one from time to time. But I will eat the crust and only cut it in half part of the time now. My jelly of choice is Strawberry Preserves. Grape is okay too, but I prefer the Strawberry Preserves. Raspberry is cool too.

As for Peanut Butter, I’m not too particular. My preference is Jif. I’m a choosy mother to Mouthie, my fur baby. Or Peter Pan because I can be a picky person on occasion. But the Food Lion brand of peanut butter isn’t too bad either. The Wal-Mart brand, Best Value, sucks ass so I’ll avoid that one if necessary, but for the most part, peanut butter is like sex. Even bad, it’s still good. It has to be creamy though. The crunchy tends to rip up the bread when you spread it. And the classic PB&J sandwich. Even bad, it’s still good.

The Night Life

When the evening sun goes down, you’re gonna find me, hanging around. No, the nightlife ain’t no good life, but it’s my life. Willie Nelson wrote those lyrics in a song sixty-plus years ago and I think he was talking about me. I hate daylight. I love the darkness and magic that is the night. I always have.

During the winter months, it gets dark early. Most people hate it. For me, it’s my favorite time of the year. Maybe I am a part vampire? Well, so long as it’s the cool ones and not those sparkly ass things from Twilight, it’s all good. Team Jacob, bitches! There is nothing as refreshing as a walk around the neighborhood at 3:00 in the morning, just enjoying the silence and majestic presence of the night air.

That was my life for a long, long time and I have no regrets at all. I can’t do the long walks anymore, but I often go out on our back porch in the middle of the night and just sit there, enjoying the darkness and peace. My world. Welcome to it. I love the nightlife. Always have and always will.

All I Want for Christmas

I love this song. Not the way Miss Mariah screeches it out, but as sung by the equally lovely Steve Grand. I’ll post the video for Steve’s version in this column.

But what else can I say about all I want for Christmas? Well, I’m going to tell you in the version of a Top Ten List. Wait! Didn’t I already do this topic? Hold on for a second. I’ll be right back.

And I’m back. I already did a Top Ten list, but it was for Christmas characters. This is what I want for Christmas. A different topic of discussion so it’s all good. And I’ll make it a Top 12 list, just for the hell of it. So let’s do this.

All I Want For Christmas – A Top 12 List

1. To see the people I love and care for smiling and being happy & healthy.
2. For all of the clutter to be removed from our house.
3. New Underwear
4. A little snow on the ground.
5. An end to my ongoing health issues.
6. A few good friends, a bonfire, some adult beverages, and plenty of memories being made.
7. Success for my dude to beat his demons and be the superstar we know he truly is.
8. For common sense and respect to make a comeback and be prevalent in our world once more.
9. A friend for Mouthie.
10. $150,000,000.00
11. My dude, by my side as my partner, forever.
12. To go back to work at the ABC store.

And there you go. Now, here’s the video. Hey kids, it’s Steve Grand. You’re welcome and Merry Christmas!

And there you go. My eyes are getting tired so it’s time to give it up for the night. Have a great one and thanks for reading. I’ll be back tomorrow with Day 7 of the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. Be good. Love you – mean it!

Ubuntu!