Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 7
Madonna, That Little Kid, and Reindeer Games
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Wow. Is it really Day 7 already? Time flies when you’re having fun. Welcome to the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. I’m Dougie. How the hell are you? Me, I’m okay. I’ve just got a lot on my mind which, surprisingly enough, I can’t talk about here. Yeah, I’m keeping secrets from my loyal readers, all three of you. Can you believe that? It’s nothing concrete or conclusive, but I’ve just got a bad feeling about some stuff. I have to let it play out though, and depending on how that goes, I’ll have more information and details later.

Damn, that sounds so ominous. Let me give a quick medical update since I went to the doctor’s. Everything looks good and my foot, what’s left of it, is slowly healing. I did the HBO chamber today (Wednesday) and I go back tomorrow and Friday. Next week is the kicker though. Due to the holidays, the Wound Center will only be open Monday and Friday. So I’ll only be able to knock out two sessions for that week. How will I catch up on Bonanza if I’m not sucking down oxygen in a giant glass tube? Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

So let’s get to the meat of the matter and that’s 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. I need three topics of discussion to write about and discuss. Let’s get the Magic Bag. And for today, we’re talking about Madonna, Reindeer Games, and That Little Kid. Okey-doke. Let’s get to it, shall we? And away we go.

Madonna

The overrated porky Princess of pop music. Madonna sucks! And she has not aged well. Her last TV role was as a body double for the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt. And she’s a tramp. Like a virgin… touched for the very first time. Yeah, the first time today. The only thing Madonna ever did like a virgin was have a baby in a stable, by an unknown father. Yeah, that joke is harsh, but blame it on Bette Midler. I stole it from her.

But anyhow, back to Madonna? Does anyone admit to still listening to that wretched woman? I will give her a little credit. I liked a couple of her songs back in the early 90s. Of course, I was drinking a lot then and was having a lot of confusing thoughts about a lot of things so what did I know? The music is ok. But she gets up on the stage, dresses like a tramp, and tries to act like she’s still twenty years old. And the voice is shot! So why does she do this? We’ve all heard of people hanging on too long. Well, Madonna is hanging on too long. She needs to just retire to Sweden, where prostitution is legal, and do her thing away from cameras and the spotlight. She’s just sad! Very sad!

That Little Kid

And I have absolutely no idea or clue what this is supposed to mean or represent or why it’s even in the Magic Bag. Maybe we were looking for a shoplifter and I pointed out that little kid over there by the Gin? Or maybe someone was showing baby pictures and we were commenting about how that little kid is so precious? Maybe we were eating Life Cereal and someone mentioned Mikey. That little kid was a creepy weirdo. I’m sure there was a good reason that ‘that little kid’ was in the Magic Bag as a topic of discussion. I just don’t know what it was.

Reindeer Games

So, what kind of games do reindeer play? I know they practice flying and picking on other reindeer with physical deformities such as a red nose, but what are the other games they play? I’ve seen a meme of the reindeer and Santa playing Scrabble and Santa was reluctant to make his move because of the letters he had, v-e-n-i-s-o-n. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go over very well. And one of the reindeer had a gambling problem. Yeah, they went to Vegas and blew fifty bucks. Hate it when that happens.

But aside from all of that, what do the reindeer do to pass the time? They’re probably like everyone else in the world and play Fortnite or Grand Theft Auto. Do people still play that? Well, I’m sure that the reindeer do too. And Monopoly. You can’t go wrong with a classic like that. And Jello Wrestling… just because. And Rudolph was sad because they wouldn’t let him play any of those reindeer games. Hell, I would have been thrilled to be excluded.

And there you go. One more complete and in the books. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, etc., are all welcome and appreciated. And I guess that means it’s time to give it a rest and call it a night. I’ll see you tomorrow on Day Eight. Be good, ho ho ho, and Merry Christmas.

Ubuntu!