Tossing Salt Presents:
12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas – Day 8
King of the Monsters, Volunteer Work, and Sing a Song
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Good evening, and welcome to Day 8 of the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas. Instead of waiting until my usual 2-3 am writing time, I’m trying to get a head start. It’s 7:00 on a lovely and getting chilly Thursday evening. So how the hell are you?

I’m doing okay. I did the HBO Chamber this morning and was able to watch three episodes of the Andy Griffith Show. So, I’ve watched M*A*S*H, Bonanza, Law & Order: SVU, and now Andy while sucking in Oxygen in those tubes. They’re killing me here. I don’t mind the old shows, but these are OLD SHOWS! What’s next? The Flying Nun and That Girl? Maybe The Big Valley? I can’t wait to find out. I actually don’t mind the older shows. They’re far better than the garbage on television now. Let’s be honest here. Today’s television sucks! Today’s movies suck! Today’s music sucks! Everything sucks! And do you know why? They took Captain Kangaroo off the air and the world went to hell. No Captain to start the day. No Mr. Moose or Bunny Rabbit. No Mr. Green Jeans. And now, we live in a woken, progressive hell. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Now, let’s move on.

Let’s get right to it with the Magic Bag and three epic Topics of Discussion. We have, King of the Monsters, Volunteer Work, and Sing a Song. Oh, crap. I’ve been dreading that last one, but my inner Boy Scout is prepared. So let’s get to it and knock this bad mama-jama out, shall we?

King of the Monsters

And we all know who this one is, right? Godzilla. Yeah, the giant fat lizard with the radioactive bad breath is generally recognized as the King of the Monsters.

But is he? Is he? Really? I think, so far as giant, creepy lizards, moths, dragons, and monkeys go, Godzilla can be the king. But what about other monsters? What about the Wolf Man, Frankenstein, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Invisible Man, and Dracula? Do you think they’d ever bow to a bloated lizard as their king? I don’t think so. and what about Nessie, the Loch Ness monster? Do you think she even cares who wants to be king? I doubt it.

Yeah, Godzilla is all big and bad, but he’s more of a War General than a king. So who’s King of the Monsters? My money is always on Count Dracula. He’s already royalty, being a Count, and all that, so is a King a stretch? I don’t think so.

Volunteer Work

This is a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart. And why is that? Because, believe it or not, I was a volunteer at a local food bank for over 14 years. I find it kind of ironic, but I loved that job and being able to help feed people. And yeah, I always expected to spontaneously combust every time I stepped foot inside the church where we held the Food Bank every week, but it was a good feeling.

So how this this happen? A friend and I decided to go to the Food Bank and get some extra groceries. Times were rough and a little extra help was always appreciated. So we went to the Food Bank and sat among nearly a hundred people, waiting for them to start. And the director of the Food Bank, she walked into the room. Some volunteers had not shown up and they were short-staffed so would anyone like to volunteer for the morning? Miss Sue, the director, knew my friend and pointed at her. And then, with a gleam in her eye, pointed at me. “You! Come here!”. And since I wasn’t about to tell her no, I got up and answered the call.

And for fourteen years after that day, I was part of the Hope In Christ Ministries family. I checked people in so they could pick up their food, worked in the warehouse, and went to Southern Pines each week with Sue and her husband to pick up several pallets of food for our clients. I then became the designated pick-up person for the local Food Lion and on three days a week, would drive down there and pick up the expired and outdated products that they were donating.

Food Lion became my primary function, but I also kept the client list updated, served on the Board of Directors for the Food Bank, and would occasionally go clean up the warehouse. I did all of this until my physical health got too bad and I couldn’t do it anymore. But I met some amazing people while doing that job. Miss Sue, Pastor Larry, Jim, Mr. Nelson, Larry K., Judy, Sarah, Sylvia & Jack Garner, and so many others. And the funny thing is, most of these people, I would never have met in the course of my ordinary life. Heck, I wasn’t even a member of the church, but they gave me keys and the alarm code, just in case. It was just a one-time thing and it lasted for fourteen-plus years. And I have no regrets at all. Not a single one.

So, long story short, too late, to volunteer and help out if you get a chance. You’ll be glad you did. I know I am. It made me a better person and I had experiences and friendships that I would otherwise never have had. Thank you, Miss Sue. You changed my life with one simple act.

Sing A Song

It was bound to happen. Dougie – Rock Star. sighs

And there you go. My apologies for the video, but it is what it is and I’m not a singer. I’ve been practicing getting more comfortable on camera so I can start doing some of the Q&As on video and maybe establish a YouTube channel for all of my Dougieness! And well, I like that song and don’t sound too bad doing it. I haven’t had a singing voice since high school, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try. You’re welcome! And if you want to hear more, just let me know. I ain’t shamed. Hell, give me a couple of beers and a cigarette, I can actually get in tune and sound decent. Unfortunately, I rarely drink or smoke anymore, but if a sacrifice must be made for the sake of artistic quality, I’ll do it.

And there you go. Thanks for reading and listening. Please know that I do this for you. Well, for me too, but primarily for you. You folks, my loyal readers, are the absolute best. Okay, I’m out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow on Day nine.

Ubuntu!