Tossing Salt Presents:
Survey Tyme Because I Can’t Sleep
DougMaynard.com
DougMaynard

Well, it’s the night of Christmas and all through the house, everyone is sleeping, but me. I honestly tried, but all I did was toss and turn. I was disturbing the cat who kept looking at me with an annoyed look on his face, so I decided it was in my best interests to get up for a while instead. I would just go riding, but it’s damn cold outside. So I’m doing a random survey I found at a site for MySpace surveys. Yes, they do still exist. So let’s see how this goes. Be prepared to learn all sorts of cool Dougie Facts. And away we go.

If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?

That is easy. “Tossing Salt!” Either that or, “A Really Nice Guy!”. Either would work.

If you don’t know the words to a song, do you improvise?

Hell, I’ll improvise even if I know all the words to the song. My lyrics are usually better anyhow.

How many slices of pizza are you capable of eating in one sitting?

It depends on how big the slices are. I can’t eat as much as I used to, but I can definitely munch and put away some pizza.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

Telepathy and mind control. I don’t think I’d use it often, but it would be cool to make certain people show their true colors in public and learn what secrets they hold.

Have you ever been in a car accident or seen one?

I’ve been in a few and seen several as well. People around here can’t drive for shit! Put the damn cell phone away and pay attention.

Where did your family go on vacations in the summer?

When I was little, we’d go to Atlantic Beach in Morehead City, NC. As we kids grew older, we quit doing the family vacations.

If it were possible, would you live on the moon?

Right now, I would live anywhere if it would get me away from Laurinburg and the stress around here. The moon? Sure thing. Sign me up.

What school activities do you or did you participate in?

I went to class sometimes, loitered in the library, was a member of the Bible Club, learned to refinish furniture & cook, and slept or skipped a lot, depending on the class and teacher.

What’s something you always wanted to do as a child but never got to do it?

Own a pet skunk. We saw one at a Pet Store in Raleigh when I was maybe 8. I fell in love instantly and wanted that skunk. Mom said no!

The person you would never want to meet?

Nancy Pelosi maybe? I’d actually love to meet her and punch her in the face for all the evil and damage to our country she’s responsible for, but I know I’d get arrested and that would suck. So no meeting with Drunk Ass Nancy is allowed.

If you were a worm, how long would you be?

I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about this. Maybe 5-6 inches?

What famous artist, dead or alive, would you want to paint your portrait?

My first thought was Andy Warhol, but after a few seconds of intense pondering, I changed my mind. Hunter Biden is a painter, right? Bwah-ha-ha-ha. Just kidding. How about Salvador Dali? It would be surreal… literally.

Last person you argued with?

Mom. She was complaining about “these people” and how “stupid” everyone is and I made a comment before I could catch myself. And she got more pissed and we had a few words before she decided that “I just won’t talk to you anymore!”. Then ten minutes later, she was back and in a great mood, talking about her Cousin. Yeah, I have to walk on eggshells around here.

What would you do if you were the lone survivor of a plane crash?

Probably be depressed, have massive survivor’s guilt, and start drinking heavily again.

Who was your first celebrity crush?

I hate to admit this, but Donnie Osmond. I hadn’t even realized that I was gay yet, but I had the biggest obsession and crush on Donny. He was so damn cute. We’ll call it, Puppy Love.

If you could bring one fictional character to life, who would it be?

This is a tough one. Most of my favorite characters are either based on real people or are not the kind of person you’d like to have around. Hell, it’s Christmas so let’s go with Santa Claus. He’s fictional, right? Or is he? Hmmmm.

Do you play a musical instrument?

I’ve tried a few times, but I have no musical talent or abilities at all. I have a guitar and set of drums that belonged to my brother in storage, but all I could do with them was make loud noise. I’ve thought several times about buying a piano down at the Habitat House, but I don’t have any room for it. If we ever get this clutter all cleaned out, I may just set up all the instruments in one room to attempt to play in. Who knows?

What board game do you like the most?

I can’t even remember the last time I played a board game. I was always good at Monopoly so let’s go with that.

What were your childhood pets?

We had a chihuahua named Archie. Some other dogs named Snoopy, Dummy, Luckey, and Lasha. Hamsters named Sonny & Cher. I had a Guinea Pig Hamster called Googlemel. A hermit crab named Tarheel. Two beagles named Heister and Squatter. And cats. Lots of cats. Calico, Mick, Lil’ Ugly, Stinky, Spooky, Storm, and Goldy. And now, I have Sparky and Mouthie. We always had pets and animals.

What is on your bedside table?

It’s not a table, but a bookcase. And it has books, magazines, a bottle of water, some old watches, a few pictures, and dust.

What is the funniest movie you have ever seen?

Let’s go with Airplane. I’ve seen it hundreds of times and still laugh every time.

What’s your favorite season?

Fall. The warm days, cool mornings, and cold nights. I get to wear my Alice Cooper hoodie and if it’s really cold, I’ll break out with Waylon.

What are your major goals in life?

At this point, it’s get by day after day and never give up. Keep fighting and keep on keeping on.

Have you ever collected stickers on fruits?

No, I haven’t. I wasn’t aware that this was a thing. As a kid, I collected rocks, bottle caps, and comic books like a normal kid. Stickers from fruit? Oy vey!

What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done in a hotel room?

I can’t say that here, but my friend liked it… a lot! And the other guy did too. I rocked their worlds.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. I guess I’m going to try to go to bed again. If I can’t sleep, I’ll be back and do a Wrestling Q&A. I have two waiting for me to complete. I guess that’s all for now. Merry Day after Christmas and I’ll catch you later.

Ubuntu!