Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

If you had to be haunted by a ghost but could choose which dead person the ghost would be, who would you go for?

What spooky spirit would I want as my oppressor? It’s a tough call. Do I go with someone famous that I respected or do I make it more personal with someone from my actual real life? If I get a celebrity ghost, I’d say Joan Rivers. My respect and admiration for this woman and her talent was immense. If it’s someone closer to home, I’d say Joshua. I didn’t know the man well, but he was a beacon of light in a crazy world and inspiring in so many ways. Just a great guy and always a joy to see, talk to and encounter. You’re very missed, Joshua McVicker. RIP!

What would be your strategy for an apocalypse?

Gather up all the canned food and medical supplies I can and head directly to my bro-son’s house. I know that he’d be ready for anything and we’d figure it out from there.

What is your current, short-term goal?

Get my foot healed up as much as possible, make things right with a certain uber-dude, and survive the daily anxiety and stress because a better day is coming.

Favorite nursery rhyme?

In the words of Andrew Dice Clay… “Little Boy Blue. He needed the money!” – and another Clay classic, “Little Miss Muffet sat on her Tuffet, eating her curds & whey. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said, What’s in the bowl, bitch?”

Would you steal or beg for food if you were homeless and working was not an option for you?

I’d do what I have to do. I’d prefer to not do anything illegal, but whatever is necessary to stay alive and survive.

Would you try Grilled Rattlesnake?

Not if I knew what it was before trying it, no. I’ve had friends that have eaten snake and they said it wasn’t bad, but the thought of it makes me cringe and feel sick. That’s a big PASS!

What should happen to people for burning pride flags?

If it’s their flag or property, nothing. If burning the United States flag is a constitutionally protected right, then why would a Pride flag be any different? If the flag belongs to someone else, it’s stealing and destruction of property and should be treated accordingly, just like any other crime, but the burning of flags is protected by the First Amendment and is not illegal, and what people do with their own property is no one else’s business.

Do you remember the belt or cane being used during your time at school?

I remember a belt being used many times. And most of the time, I deserved it. But I’ll do you one better. When I was in grade school, Fourth Grade, I got in trouble and they called Mom to the school. She was upset and took off her wooden sandals. She spanked me and broke the sandal over my butt. Thick wood and it broke. And then she got really mad because she broke her shoe. Believe me, I’d rather deal with the belt anytime. She took me home, and then later that night, she told my Dad. I behaved for a long time after all of that.

Would you rather sing or dance to every song that plays?

In the words of Phil Collins, “I can’t dance, I can’t talk, the only thing about me is the way I walk”. And I can barely do that most of the time. But I can sort of sing, at least sometimes. So, crank up the music and be prepared to have your ears bleed. I’d go with the singing.

If animals could talk, which would be the rudest?

For sarcasm, cats would be at the top of the list. But so far as being just outright rude, for some reason, I’m thinking either goats or sharks. And monkeys. Monkeys like to sling poop at people and that’s pretty rude too. So take your pick. Goats, sharks, or monkeys.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Lemonade Stand.

Ubuntu!