Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #37
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

How would you tell someone to leave your house without using the word leave?

A little fake (or not-so-fake) yawning works wonders. Or I would say it’s getting late and drop some no-so-subtle hints.

Do YOU use Grape or Strawberry Jelly on PB&J?

My favorite is strawberry preserves, but raspberry preserves are good too. Grape jelly is in the fridge, but it’s a last resort.

Would you have lunch with Lebron James if he paid?

Only if he paid, but sure. I’m not turning down a free meal. As a former coworker of mine once said, “Food is our friend!”.

Without mentioning the Taj Mahal, name something that signifies India.

The employees at a 7-11 Convenience store. And cobras. Can’t forget the snakes.

Without mentioning Thanos, name something that changed the Avengers forever.

When the Masters of Evil took over and destroyed Avenger’s Mansion. They injured Jarvis, put Hercules in a coma, and destroyed the Mansion. This also brought Dr. Druid into the team.

Sum up Joe Biden’s legacy in one word.

“Brandon”… as in, Let’s go, Brandon!

Would you rather have a spider in your room or a bee in your car?

The spider. So long as I know where it’s at, we can ignore each other and cohabitate as roommates. But bees are ruthless little bastards, and they sting. I don’t like buzzy things that sting, especially flying around my head while I drive.

In 100 years, which artist will still be listened to?

Alice Cooper, of course. Good music is eternal.

Do you ever do weird stuff?

I live with my mom, and my only company, besides doctors, is a cat. I have one leg, never leave the house, and my obsession is writing about professional wrestling. No, I never do weird stuff. I’m a writer so it’s not weird. It’s research.

She’s a 10 but she smokes weed. What’s she?

Nobody that I need to be concerned with. Weed stinks and I don’t do “She”. Now, if we’re talking about a “He” and he’s a ten, like Eric, I’ll make allowances for the weed. He’s an absolute 9 in my eyes. Damn, I miss my dude.

How does one find true meaning in life amidst modern distractions?

I have no idea. If anyone knows, drop me a line and let me know.

What’s something that has happened that has made it harder to go to the bathroom?

Well, I only have one leg and wear a prosthetic to walk. Around the house, I’ll use a wheelchair to scoot around. But the way the bathroom is situated, I can’t use the chair to go to the bathroom. So, if I need to go to the bathroom, I have to put on my leg first every time. It’s pretty annoying.

What food did you have to quit buying at the grocery store because it’s gotten too expensive?

Ground beef. I used to always keep plenty on hand for chili, meatloaf, soup, hamburgers, etc. But it costs so much now, all of those have become special occasion food. $5 a pound or more? Outrageous.

Rich Friend or Loyal friend?

I don’t give a damn about how much money a person has. Never have and never will. Loyalty and respect though? Yeah, that matters.

What’s something that makes too much noise?

People. And those damn school buses at 6:30 in the morning. No one needs to be at school that damn early. And that bus that stops just outside my house, they love to honk the horn. Freaking morons.

Do you have a hidden side?

Of course, I do. We all do. Different people get different aspects of me, the parts I want them to see. But there are parts of me that no one has ever seen. The dark and scary parts are hidden away. And that’s how it should be. Total exposure leaves one weak and vulnerable. That is never an option.

Who is your favorite female recording artist who writes most of her music?

This one is so easy. Dolly Parton. Jessi Colter as well, but Dolly is the Queen of Country Music for a reason. And an amazing songwriter as well.

If someone were to offer you $10 million to never listen to Beyoncé’s music ever again, could you honestly take it?

I could easily take it because I don’t listen to Beyonce anyhow and could not name a single one of her songs off the top of my head. $10 million bucks would be cool, but I’d do it for free. Hell, I already am.

What song should never be played at a funeral?

AC/DC’s Highway to Hell, Alice Cooper’s “Go to Hell”, and anything by Weird Al Yankovic would all be possible answers for this one.

What is that one thing you would never do for all the money in the world?

Betray the trust of a true friend. I’m not an angel and sometimes, my morals may be a bit sketchy, but if I call you my friend, my word is bond, as it should be.

Which director’s work aligns perfectly with your taste in films?

Gus Van Zant and Chris Columbus both have directed movies that I’ve greatly enjoyed and can relate to, but the writer/director I can easily most relate to is without a doubt, Kevin Smith. Crude humor, comic books, and he wrote his first movie about working in a convenience store while working in a convenience store. He and I could be brothers.

If you won 50 million dollars, who would you spoil first?

Another easy one. My Mom comes first, as she should, and of course, I’d spoil myself a bit. But the first ones outside of the home, my bro-son and the family. Anything they want, no matter what. The Infamous One and the family are the reasons I’m still here and mean the universe to me. They are my rock and deserve only the absolute best.

If you could only visit three countries in your lifetime, which ones would they be?

I assume this means three countries outside of my native United States. I would pick the U.K., Japan, and Greece (for the temples and ancient stuff).

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the Hobby Lobby.

Ubuntu!