Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #40
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

Is it possible to be friends with someone you have loved romantically?

It’s not the easiest thing, but it can and does happen. I’m on relatively good terms with most of my exes, plus I have many people who, in the past when I was a drunken slut-puppy, I hooked up with once or ten times. We’re still friends but just don’t hook up anymore. It depends on the person, at least for me.

Describe your crush in one word.

Creative? Inspiring? Awesome? Loving? Sexy? Damn, I can’t find the one word that I want. Endearing? Magical? Unique? Damn, again. What’s the one word? I know. I got it. Huggalicious!

Name an actor who you think has an iconic voice.

James Earl Jones is the first name that came to my mind. Gilbert Gottfried and Joan Rivers also popped into my head, but they’re better known as comics instead of regular actors. I got it. An actor with a distinctive voice? How about the late, great Paul Lynde?

Are you prone to overanalyze?

I overanalyze and overthink everything. So, yes.

What’s the hardest drug you’ve ever tried?

During what I call my “Summer of 17”, I smoked grass, took pills, dropped acid, and drank quite a bit. That was my time of experimenting. I learned then that my drug of choice was alcohol. That acid trip? It still gives me chills. I have tried different painkillers in recent years, but I don’t like them either. I guess I’m happy being a consumer of fine spirits and leaving it at that.

If you could have a band perform at your birthday party, which one would you choose?

I’d want Alice Cooper there, but I would want him as a guest and friend rather than a performer. So a talent to perform? Struggle Jennings and Yelawolf.

If aliens exist, what do you think would be the primary reason they haven’t visited Earth yet?

Who says that they haven’t? I think they have visited Earth and are probably living among us even now. But if they truly have taken a pass on coming to Earth, the reason is obvious. Watch the news. Look at all of these woken idiots. If I wasn’t already here, I’d want to leave too.

Women have beauty. What do men have?

Several smart-ass answers come to mind, but I don’t want to offend anyone or get a mudhole stomped into my ass by the women that I love who read this. Men. We have enough sense to listen to the women and do what we’re told. Happy wife = Happy Life. And we have cats. At least the lucky men do.

Without mentioning sleep, name something you need more of but never get enough.

Money, but that’s too easy. Time in the day because I can never seem to get everything done. And hugs. I like hugs. I want hugs. Give me a good, firm hug, damn it!

What quietly went away without anyone noticing?

Wall phones. With the inventions of cordless phones and cell phones, the old-fashioned phone on the wall with the long cord has vanished. Every home used to have one, but I honestly can’t think of anyone who has one now. And pay phones. They used to be so common and were everywhere. And now? I know where a few used to be, but not where any actually are.

If you could have any celebrity now be the voice in your head, who would you choose?

Another voice in my head? Damn, that’s exactly what I need… not. It says now, so I guess that means a modern-day famous person and not a classic like the people I mentioned earlier. Hell, let’s go with Paul Heyman.

What’s one useless skill you’d love to learn anyway?

I’d love to learn how to sew. I used to know how back about 40 years ago, but I haven’t touched a sewing machine since. That wouldn’t be useless though. It would be somewhat practical. How about canning stuff and making preserves? I remember my Grandma doing it when I was very little and always thought it was cool.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the fishing hole.

Ubuntu!