Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #41
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

If the house you grew up in was for sale, would you want to buy it?

Absolutely. The house we lived in, from age 2 until age 10, in Raleigh, was beautiful. Split level with a huge playroom downstairs. A large, fenced-in yard. A great neighborhood in Brentwood. And a ton of great memories. I’ve looked it up a few times on Google Maps. It still looks great. If I had the money and it was available, I’d snatch it up in a flash.

Do you believe you are a good person?

That would depend on who’s asking. I have my bad points and some major issues to be sure, but I think my heart is in the right place, and for the most part, I’m a good guy. So yes, I do.

If you could have any extinct animal as a pet, which would you pick?

A sabretoothed tiger. Except for the bad overbite, it’s just another pretty kitty. I’d hate to be the one to clean the litter box, but aside from that, it would be awesome.

Without mentioning Wu-Tang Clan, name the best rap group ever.

Do I go with the Beastie Boys, Run DMC, or the Real Roxanne and UTFO? I hate these major decisions. Never mind. I’ve got it. The GOAT of rap music groups? These cats are right here. The Fat Boys.

How much of our personality is made up by genetics versus environment?

I get my stubborn side from genetics. I get my standoffish side from the environment. And the creativity comes from both. I’d say my warped personality and unique perspective on life is 70/30 genetics over everything else. Yeah, when in doubt, blame the parents. They’re used to it anyhow.

How many times have you been to the bank this year?

This year? Once. I had to deposit a check that I received in the mail. Otherwise, I try not to go to my bank. I use the Walmart bank so going there means going into Walmart. And who the hell wants to do that? Not I. I try to do my banking online unless I have no other choice. I hate that damn place. Walmart, that is. The bank is just frowned upon due to association.

Would you rather have a personal chef or a personal trainer for life?

My fat ass ain’t doing no working out or training. Let’s be honest about it. But I do like to eat. Food is our friend. I’ll take the Chef. Hey Carman, are you looking for a job?

Have you ever dated a friend’s ex?

I don’t think so. I may have slept with a few of them back in my drunken ho’ days, but no real dating. And if there was a hook-up, it was never while they were dating my friend. I did have some morals and a sense of responsibility. It would depend on the friend, the circumstances of the split, and the amount of alcohol I drank at the time. But I wouldn’t do it now. I’m not the slutty ho that I once was…unless they’re really cute.

Would you rather only be able to whisper or only be able to shout?

If I can only whisper, I’d sound like a Mafia Dom. If I could only scream, I’d sound like the late Sam Kinison. I think I’d go with the whispering thing.

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever done?

Well, a cashier at the Wendy’s drive-thru shorted me on my change. I think it was like 28 cents. I filed a written complaint and decided to boycott Wendy’s. It’s been over 11 years now and I still haven’t been back to that restaurant. Me and the girl eventually became casual friends. She’s cool now. But I still refuse to go back to Wendy’s. Would that count?

What’s the last thing you Googled?

The WWE and Saturday Night’s Main Event, a show that is airing on NBC tomorrow night. I was typing up a prediction column for the event and I wanted to double-check all of my information to make sure it was correct.

Would you break up with your partner for $1 million?

We are currently split up at the moment because I’m a selfish idiot. If I ever get him back, I don’t give a damn how much money may be offered. If I can get Eric back in my life, I’m never letting him go. He means more to me than any money ever could. I just wish I could tell him that.

Who is a musician who died far too soon, and who you think would’ve remained great into their later years?

Two names immediately came to mind. Bradley Nowell, the lead singer of Sublime. And Shannon Hoon, the singer from Blind Melon. Both had their demons and both lost the fight. Both men were so talented though, in writing songs, singing, being onstage, etc. We lost two of the best of their era when Bradley and Shannon passed away. They would have been making great music for years to come.

What would you do if you woke up one day with the ability to time travel?

Are we talking about just snapping the fingers or would I use a phone booth like Bill & Ted? I would time travel. Woodstock, ancient Greece, the fifties, the world premiere of the movie, Rebel Without A Cause, etc. I’d be all up and down the timelines, experiencing life to the fullest.

What have you learned from your life?

Be careful who you trust, be willing to take chances, and there truly is no better rock star than Alice Cooper.

How do you say it’s raining without saying it’s raining?

Look outside, sigh, and say, “Damn, it’s wet out there!”

Would you rather live on a peaceful tropical island or a bustling big city?

On the island. I hate crowds and cities. I get anxiety attacks and freak out when things are too busy. The only thing to worry about on the island would be sunburn and getting sand in my leg. Give me that island, please.

Why are you still single?

Because I did what I felt was the best thing a few months ago and I’m a freaking idiot. Also, my family would sabotage any relationship I try to have. But mainly because I’m a moron when it comes to relationships.

What’s a movie that would be awesome if it only starred The Muppets?

How about a Muppet version of the musical, Rent!. It would either be really good or really bad. But seeing Miss Piggy as Mimi would rock. Maybe a Muppet version of Clerks? Hey, Kevin Smith, how about it?

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the coffee pot.

Ubuntu!