Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
The Governor, Radio Stations, and Deodorant
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Why do black guys have nightmares? The last one to have a dream got shot. Yeah, it’s that kind of morning. 3:00 a.m., and I can’t sleep. And now, here we are. I haven’t done a Day of Dougie in a few days, so what the hell? I’m up. You’re up. What else is there to do? Hide in an attic like Helen Keller. Wait, that’s the wrong kid. Helen was blind, deaf, and pronounced water as “Auugha!”. Anne Frank lived in the attic and hid from the Nazis.

Just like the kids in the book Flowers in the Attic, but Frank only wrote one book. Flowers in the Attic had about 400 sequels. I just had an idea for a sitcom television show—two teenage roommates living in an attic. Helen and Anne, plus a goofy Aunt and a crazy landlord are hiding them from Donald Trump’s ICE. Just imagine One Day at a Time, remember that show, but more historical. And what the hell am I even talking about? I should go back to bed. I should, but I won’t.

A quick update on my personal life. My truck went into the shop all last week. The water pump was replaced, but all is good now. I need to go get a tire in the morning. My front right tire has a bubble on it. That’s why it drove so bumpy. And I’ve been skipping the doctor’s appointments. No transportation since my truck was in the shop. I’ll call them tomorrow and start back on Wednesday. I’m still single, but once I can rely on my truck again, I’m taking a ride to rectify that. I just hope he’ll still have me. And now, let’s do the random topics of discussion thing, shall we? Where is the infamous Magic Bag?

I have the bag in hand, and the three topics of discussion for today will be The Governor, Radio Stations, and Deodorant. Wow! What three incredible topics. Maybe I should continue talking about Helen Keller and Anne Frank living in the attic instead. sighs Let’s do this.

The Governor

To be honest, I don’t even know who the current Governor of my state, North Carolina, is. I voted for Robinson, the black guy who allegedly liked online porn. The Democrat won. That’s one thing that has always tripped me out about North Carolina. We always vote Republican for President, usually Republican for Senators, and then elect Democrats for Governor. Why? The last Republican Governor we had in NC was Pat McCrory. He did a good job and the state was on the rise everywhere it matters, but he had the personality of a turnip and lost after just one term. North Carolina is just a weird state when it comes to Governors. I’m just glad the last guy, Roy Cooper, is gone. He was an absolute joke. All you need to know about Cooper is that he was on the list to be Kamala Harris’s VP candidate. And he was too stupid even for them. But they got Tim Walz, right? Enough on Governors. All you need to know about the Governor is in this video right here, from the movie, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. ‘Nuff said!

Radio Stations

Oddly enough, I spoke on this in the most recent edition of the Ultimate X Q&A. The question was having unlimited money and what I would do with it. My answer was, after paying off debt and making sure my Mom and my bro-son and the family were set for life, I’d buy a radio station. Nothing fancy, but a small, local radio station, for my friends and me to be creative and run. The on-air personalities, who would be my friends, would have control over their shows and play the music they like, plus establish the format of each program and show. My friend, Tian, would be excellent in a Delilah-type role, while Brent, Kenneth, Eric, Michael, Theresa, etc., would all be invited to do their things. Call it WDUG. Just don’t get us kicked off the air and we’d have our version of WKRP. It’s on the list. I just need a few million dollars to get it rolling.

Deodorant

Wear it. Even if you don’t think you need it, believe me, you do. While I can appreciate a sexy ass man with that unique aroma and scent that is all him, grunting like a caveman and smelling like one too, not everyone does. And even I only appreciate it on a few certain people. But mostly, getting all sweaty without some form of deodorant, stinks. And who wants to be a stinker? In other words, and this is for you, Keri, Don’t Do Dat!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and questions are welcome and appreciated. And if you have any suggestions for future topics of conversation, let me know and I’ll add them to the Magic Bag. And I guess that’s all for now. Take care and have a great day, a special day, a perfect day, a Day of Dougie. I’ll see you at the Walmart parking lot. I need to go pick up a prescription after I get my tire fixed. Take care.

Ubuntu!