Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #45
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s Ultimate X Q&A. Let’s do this.

Were you a problem child growing up?

I was adorable and an absolute angel as a child. I never caused any problems at all and despite my mother comparing me to Damian, from the movie, The Omen, I was a total blessing 150% of the time.

If your favorite superhero suddenly became your roommate, what’s the first argument you’d have?

Well, first I’d have to decide who my favorite superhero is. I guess I’d go with Dr. Druid, a minor character from Marvel Comics who I love to write and use in my fan fiction stories. Druid is a sorcerer and also a telepath. Our first argument? When he uses that telepathy to eavesdrop on my thoughts and then tries to explain himself with that annoying Boston accent. I’d want to punch him in the face.

Who would you call to help bury a body?

If I answer this, I’d be possibly incriminating myself if I actually did need to get rid of a body, so therefore, I’m pleading the fifth and refusing to answer. But he knows who he is.

Would you rather sleep in late or take a long nap midday?

A nap during the day is one of the true blessings in life. When I was a child, I used to hate naps and spankings. And now, as an adult, they’re two of my favorite things. Go figure.

You’re in a horror movie, and you can bring one fictional character to help you survive. Who’s it going to be?

Batman. When in doubt, always pick Batman.

What’s a common thing people say that doesn’t make any sense?

A common greeting around here is, “Let me hold something!”. Have we become that much of an entitlement society now that instead of hello or hi, our first words should be asking for something? It’s stupid as hell and I just don’t get it.

Without mentioning Disneyland, what’s the ultimate family destination?

For my family, of me, my bro-son, the two awesome kids, his amazing wife, and my dude, it’s pretty simple. WrestleMania!

If you were offered $10 million but had to spend it in an hour, what would you buy?

Maybe a politician? It depends on whether we’re allowed to have physical assets at the end of the hour or is like the Richard Pryor movie, where he had to spend money, but couldn’t have any assets to show for the money. Brewster’s Millions? If we could keep what we buy, I spoke about it in the most recent Day of Dougie. I’d buy the local radio station.

What is not a big deal to most people but is torture to you?

Making a phone call. Going out in public. Having to make conversation with people. All of the above. My anxiety starts to go crazy and it’s actually physically painful sometimes to do these things. I can usually fake it for a few minutes if I don’t have a choice, but while the outside is calm, the inside is totally freaking out and going insane.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how is your mental health at the moment?

Right now, I might be a 5. I’ve isolated myself from all of my friends and family, I’m stressed out, and the medical problems look as if they might be getting bad again. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I may end up back in the hospital over the weekend. No, I’m lonely, depressed, and not doing very well at the moment.

What is something that you wish you could say to someone you love?

A lot more than I can say here. Just that I do what I do for a reason and that reason was more for your benefit than mine. Being apart from you is killing me, literally, and although I may not act or seem like it, I will always love you.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up shop for today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the pharmacy.

Ubuntu!