Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Saints, Trade, and Multi-tasking
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

I didn’t know today was the Super Bowl. I’ve just never really been a fan of baseball. Anyway, good luck to whichever team wins the Stanley Cup.

Yeah, it’s that time of year again. And I’ll admit it. I’m planning on watching… The Puppy Bowl, and the Kitten Bowl. Real sports and not that fake NFL garbage. But that will be later this afternoon. For now, it’s time to do a Day of Dougie. Before I get started on that, I guess I should give an update on my favorite person who is not a future rock star with a great ass, me. I might be a YouTuber one day. Their standards are pretty low. But I’ll never have a great ass, damn it. But I have sexy eyes and a good personality, and everyone loves me, so it doesn’t matter. Now, what was I saying?

Oh yeah, update time. I’m out of the hospital, as you can probably guess. The folks at the Wound Center feared I had another infection in my foot and told me to go to the ER to get checked out. I did. Three days in a hospital bed, constant IVs of antibiotics, an EKG, X-rays, enough bloodwork to feed Dracula and his brides for a year, and a few cute-ass nurses/PAs later, they set me free. It was NOT a good experience, but no infection was found. The potential is there, so I’ve got three new medicines to add to the list, all antibiotics, and they released me last night with promises to follow up for treatments and wound care at the Wound Center.

I had two bad experiences during my stay as well. One was that the IV that I was given on Day 1 in the ER, nurses continued using until I noticed my hand was swelling up. In just a matter of moments, my right hand and forearm had swollen and looked like a Marshmellow man. I couldn’t even bend my fingers. I called the nurse and they came in, panicked, and cut my ID band off my arm after removing the IV needle. My fingers were turning blue. After a few hours, the swelling went down and my hand looked semi-normal again. I’ve been reading all the reports and notes in my medical charts and this incident was never mentioned at all. I wonder why?

And I think I’ve had an allergic reaction to some of the meds they were pumping into me. My eyes, face, and lips have swollen up and are very sensitive to any touch or movement. I didn’t say anything at the hospital because they would have seen this as a reason to keep me, and I was through with it all after the first night. It was obvious, but the highly skilled professionals never noticed that my face was starting to look like Nikki Minaj. I came home, took some Aleve and Ibuprofen, and the swelling has gone down quite a bit. My tongue is sensitive and I can’t really eat or drink right now, but I’m getting and feeling better. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I should be back to normal. I have an appointment at the Wound Center on Wednesday morning with Dr. Neal, a real doctor, and if things haven’t cleared up by then, I’ll seek his medical advice.

But enough about me. We’re here for random stuff and some token classic Dougie goodness and wisdom, right? So, that means I need some topics of discussion from the infamous Magic Bag. And the conversation for today will be about Saints, Trade, and Multi-tasking. And now that we know what I’ll be talking about, let’s go ahead and get this party started. As the great Joan Rivers would say, Can we talk? Let’s do this.

Saints

I guess Saints could refer to the football team from Bourbon Street, the home of Lestat and Louis, New Orleans, but I don’t care about Foosball, and that fake-ass Commie trash. So, let’s go with the other meaning, religious people who are very special and the best of the best in service to God. I have to be careful here because I don’t want to be sacrilegious or disrespectful to anyone, but my natural inclination is to make jokes and be a disrespectful ass. Except for St. Christopher, of whom I used to have a necklace, I can’t even identify any of the true Saints as named by the Church. But I can do this. If I could name five people as Saints, who would it be?

Yeah, I’m walking the line here, but hell, I’m technically an Ordained Minister (from the Progressive Universal Life Church), since 2000, and I’m probably just as qualified to do this as that senile pedo currently living in Rome. So five picks to be be named as Saints in the Church of Dougie. It would be Alice Cooper, Joan Rivers, Waylon Jennings, Don Rickles, and Mel Brooks. Why? They’re all legends at what they do/did, are well known for being good people, and have brought joy to my life during my worst times. What more reason do I need? So I have said, and so it shall be. Let’s move on.

Trade

Trade means to exchange something for something else. And I’d trade almost everything I have right now to be healthy again. Yeah, I know that’s not going to happen, but a guy can hope, right? Okay, enough on that. Let’s move on to the final topic of discussion.

Multi-Tasking

A hyphenated word that I know very well. I remember so many days of playing cashier, working the deli, stocking shelves, sweeping and mopping, aiding customers, sweeping the parking lot, emptying trash cans, writing letters to my friends, and doing deposits and paperwork, all at the same time. It was just another day at the office and very normal for life in a Convenience Store. And I did it for so many years, only to hear customers come in and say, “I want your job! You don’t do nothing, but sit at a cash register”. Either that or, “Working hard or hardly working?”. Yeah, that was so funny. If those folks only knew. Damn ass-clowns. Hell, even now as I write this, I’m washing clothes and feeling absolutely miserable. It never ends. Multi-tasking? Yeah, I’m one of the best when it comes to all that. That’s not vanity. It’s just the truth!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions, as well as topics to add to the Magic Bag, are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And I guess that’s enough for me today. There are new editions of The Ultimate X Q&A, The Ultimate Wrestling Q&A, and a new daily poetry challenge all up at the site, so be sure to check them out. Yeah, I missed four days of writing due to being in the hospital and now, I’m playing catch up. What a wild life, right? At least there is nothing on TV to distract me today and nothing important happening. WWE is next weekend.

I guess I’m closing up for now. Take care and be well, my friends. Watch out for Kanye’s porn on the internet and make it a Day of Dougie instead. I’ll catch you later.

Ubuntu!